gosh I am sorry for that...he needs to think this through...but here is idea try for disability for him...see if he can get that income coming in to help with the payment of your bills...it is never enough to live on and it is always hard to get but would be worth it...

wishing you luck

I think a good percentage of people who are unemployed, particularly people who are unemployed for more than 6 months, go through at least one period of feeling so discouraged about their plight that they stop looking for work at all. I think the term is called a "discouraged worker".

It's so easy to place our self-worth in "what we do", so that, when "what we do" is gone, we sometimes also feel we've not only lost our income and our ability to earn a living, but, we can also feel like we've lost our self-worth.

You are your husband are from the generation where the husband was traditionally looked at as the "breadwinner". As such, I'm sure your husband is feeling a lot of pressure about what has happened regarding his ability to BE that breadwinner. He most likely feels like he has not only let himself down, but, also you.

Especially in the area of unemployment, and the financial problems that can cause, sometimes it can feel so overwhelming, it's almost like the response is putting your head in the sand and just trying to avoid it altogether. Like, if you ignore the problem long enough, maybe it will disappear.

Your husband might also be the kind of person who needs to have a sense of control in his life (me)...and being unemployed doesn't allow for much of a sense of control. So, that might be another thing he is trying to "run away from". Obviously, as I and many people on this board can tell you, being unemployed, especially long-term unemployed, can be one of the most difficult things most people will face in life.

I wish I had some suggestions for you as to how to help your husband. Men aren't the greatest at "talking out their feelings", but, you might want to see if your husband is willing to do that. Doing so would most likely make him feel better, plus, it would let him know you understand more of what he is going through - which is another factor of being unemployed that is so difficult to deal with - feeling like no one understands what you're going through.

I wish you well with this... both you AND your husband are in the tough place. Better days are ahead though - hold on to that belief.

Hugs,
Janice

Sammy,
It sounds like your husband may need to think about making a career switch. I'm wondering if he isn't looking for work because he doesn't feel like he has any skills except locksmithing. If he's been working his whole life I'm sure there are a lot of skills. Maybe he could train on how to locksmith? It's a very specialized trade - and locksmithing companies or people who want to be locksmiths might be willing to pay someone to train them. Just a thought. Anything that can get your husband out of the house and help battle the depression is probably a step in the right direction.

I just started a blog to try and help those who are disabled and looking for work www.workdisabled.com. I'm actually a wheelchair user myself - and have struggled with losing physical abilities and still trying to work.

Hi Sammy, I certainly can identify with your struggle to try to help motivate your husband. I feel the same way. My husband is fortunate in that he does not have physical disabilities that you both have. It makes me feel a bit ashamed to complain. We are both in our early sixties and at one time were both unemployed. We both eventually got jobs, but my husband lost his 9 months ago. He is a Special Education teacher/case manager that had worked in the public schools for nearly 20 years off and on. In NH the teachers union dictates the salary scale by years of service plus additional degrees and certifications will bring in additional money. My husband has had a few interviews, even second interviews but nothing. I don't know if addition to being victims of this economy, or the fact that he has hit the top of the pay scale, or that he has grown his hair and wears ponytail or braid and refuses to cut it for interviews - if any of this matters - not to mention AGE DISCRIMINATION. He has even tried applying for other positions that would use his transferrable skills, but employers don't seem to want to give these experienced people a break. My biggest problem right now is that I am so angry with him that he has not tried harder - I suggest teaching at our community college (he has his masters); plus do some substitute work for schools in the surrounding communities; but he is just content to work out for 3 hours a day and during the summer he would sit out on our dilapidated deck for hours. Meanwhile, I am working 32 hours a week, plus looking for jobs for him and sending out resumes, etc., cover letters - we don't have a computer at home, but he refuses to take a bus to the library to use theirs. Our house is only 28 years old but needs major work -new roof, painting, facelifting - but he is not motivated to do this. We have not paid our mortgage since July of this year and I am the one working with the mortgage company (sending out financial statements, hardship letters). This week our electricity has been shut off since Monday and the electric company will not turn it back on until we can come up with 652.00 to reconnect. They would not take 300. this week and the balance next week because we have been delinquent since he has been out of work. I am still at work right now so I don't have to go home to a cold and dark house; that is what guided me to this website. I could go on and on about what is happening, but you get the "drift". I feel very angry at him, I am drained emotionally and physically, and I just want to find out if I'm not alone in this. He is completely delusional, I want to walk out and let him take care of everything, but I am not that type of person. We have been married for 36 years and have known each other for 42 total years. You can't just walk out, but I am afraid I am losing it and don't know where to turn. I'm sorry I didn't give you any ideas about motivation, but needed to share my situation. Maybe someone out there can help.
Thank You !!

If he is disabled, is he able to collect disability benefits?
If he is in his sixties, is he able to collect SSI?

Thank you for all of your replies. My husband is collecting a small amount from Workman's Compensation (he worked 4 days per week, so they pay him for one day per week). Ironically, they stopped paying him about a year ago, and he is fighting them with a lawyer's help. They drag it on and on, and it takes forever. He is not collecting SS yet - he was just 64, but if Workman's Comp does not offer a settlement soon, he will apply for his benefits. Will only be about 860, but everything helps! SS disability is very difficult to get. Most of his doctors say he can work part-time.

It is possible your husband may be clinically depressed. I have a lifetime history of depression, and I know how debilitating it is. It can be impossible to motivate someone who is depressed. You might refer him to the family doctor to do an evaluation to check for depression. If this is the case, an antidepressant could be prescribed in combination with counseling. If you are concerned about expenses for medication or doctor visit, there should be free services available in your community that offer counseling, etc. I wish both of you the best.

I agree with loveblue2. he is prolly discouraged and disheartened by his situation. i would recommend looking into ssi-disability

Thank you for all your replies. I do not think he will be able to collect SS disability, since no doctor has said he is permanently disabled. I heard that it is very, very difficult to get SS disability. It was a long, drawn out battle to even collect meager Workman
Comp benefits for one day per week, since he worked a 4 day week. They stopped paying him, but thankfully, he just recently got a small Workman's Comp settlement from last year, so we will be fine for a little while, but not longer than 7 or 8 months at most. We just found out that we have a very expensive car repair, so that will take some of the settlement we have been waiting for. I do think that I will speak with his doctor to try to convince him to also try some kind of anti-depressant. He tells me that he is afraid to leave me alone in the house because I have difficulty walking, but I use a cane and I have never lost my balance so I think that is just an excuse.