Understanding Betrayal Community Group
Traumatic events, such as natural disasters and criminal attacks shatter assumptions about our sense of safety in the world. In a similiar way, the discovery of infidelity is devastating because it shatters basic assumptions about the security we expect in committed relationships. This group is open to anyone. It's a place to share, learn, and talk freely. Let's...
Some people think it laughable that others experience deep trauma as the result of infidelity. They can't get past the idea that a traumatic event other than war experiences can result in a person experiencing PTSD. Disdain for what are called pop-psych books is a part of it too.
I thought I'd try to lend some information sources, none of which I am affiliated with, nor making any money from either.
Find it fun to attack the concept it you must, but you might learn something if you read the book or widen your grasp of how the range of response to infidelity may not fit your life experience.
I post these links (at the bottom of post), admittedly not an academically rigorous list by any means, in the hope it may be useful to someone experiencing traumatic stress as a result of a cheating spouse.
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Symptoms
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PTSD is a response by normal people to an abnormal situation
The traumatic events that lead to post-traumatic stress disorder are usually so overwhelming and frightening that they would upset anyone. When your sense of safety and trust are shattered, it�s normal to feel crazy, disconnected, or numb � and most people do. The only difference between people who go on to develop PTSD and those who don�t is how they cope with the trauma.
After a traumatic experience, the mind and the body are in shock. But as you make sense of what happened and process your emotions, you come out of it. With post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), however, you remain in psychological shock. Your memory of what happened and your feelings about it are disconnected. In order to move on, it�s important to face and feel your memories and emotions.
Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Following a traumatic event, almost everyone experiences at least some of the symptoms of PTSD. It�s very common to have bad dreams, feel fearful or numb, and find it difficult to stop thinking about what happened. But for most people, these symptoms are short-lived. They may last for several days or even weeks, but they gradually lift.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), however, the symptoms don�t decrease. You don�t feel a little better each day. In fact, you may start to feel worse. But PTSD doesn�t always develop in the hours or days following a traumatic event, although this is most common. For some people, the symptoms of PTSD take weeks, months, or even years to develop.
The symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can arise suddenly, gradually, or come and go over time. Sometimes symptoms appear seemingly out of the blue. At other times, they are triggered by something that reminds you of the original traumatic event, such as a noise, an image, certain words, or a smell. While everyone experiences PTSD differently, there are three main types of symptoms, as listed below.
Re-experiencing the traumatic event
* Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event
* Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)
* Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)
* Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma
* Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating)
PTSD symptoms of avoidance and emotional numbing
* Avoiding activities, places, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of the trauma
* Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
* Loss of interest in activities and life in general
* Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb
* Sense of a limited future (you don�t expect to live a normal life span, get married, have a career)
PTSD symptoms of increased arousal
* Difficulty falling or staying asleep
* Irritability or outbursts of anger
* Difficulty concentrating
* Hypervigilance (on constant �red alert�)
* Feeling jumpy and easily startled
Other common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder
* Anger and irritability
* Guilt, shame, or self-blame
* Substance abuse
* Depression and hopelessness
* Suicidal thoughts and feelings
* Feeling alienated and alone
* Feelings of mistrust and betrayal
* Headaches, stomach problems, chest pain
==================
Myths and Facts About PTSD
==================
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Alliance was a multi-disciplinary group of professional and advocacy organizations, including Sidran Institute, that have joined forces to provide educational resources to medical and healthcare professionals, individuals diagnosed with PTSD and their loved ones, the general public, and the media. The mission of the PTSD Alliance is to increase awareness and promote a better understanding of the prevalence, diagnosis, and treatment of PTSD.
Posttraumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, is a complex disorder that is often misunderstood. PTSD may develop following exposure to extreme trauma�a terrifying event or ordeal that a person has experienced, witnessed, or learned about, especially one that is life-threatening or causes physical harm. The experience causes that person to feel intense fear, horror, or a sense of helplessness. Not everyone who experiences a traumatic event will develop PTSD, but many people do.
MYTH: PTSD only affects war veterans.
FACT: Although PTSD does affect war veterans, PTSD can affect anyone. Almost 70 percent of Americans will be exposed to a traumatic event in their lifetime. Of those people, up to 20 percent will go on to develop PTSD. An estimated 1 out of 10 women will develop PTSD at some time in their lives.
Victims of trauma related to physical and sexual assault face the greatest risk of developing PTSD. Women are about twice as likely to develop PTSD as men, perhaps because women are more likely to experience trauma that involves these types of interpersonal violence, including rape and severe beatings. Victims of domestic violence and childhood abuse are at tremendous risk for PTSD.
MYTH: People should be able to move on with their lives after a traumatic event. Those who can't cope are weak.
FACT: Many people who experience an extremely traumatic event go through an adjustment period following the exposure. Most of these people are able to return to leading a normal life. However, the stress caused by trauma can affect all aspects of a person's life including mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Research suggests that prolonged trauma may disrupt and alter brain chemistry. For some people, a traumatic event changes their views about themselves and the world around them. This may lead to the development of PTSD.
MYTH: People suffer from PTSD right after they experience a traumatic event.
FACT: PTSD symptoms usually develop within the first three months after trauma, but may not appear until months or years have passed. These symptoms may continue for years following the trauma, or, in some cases, symptoms may subside and reoccur later in life, which is often the case with victims of childhood abuse.
Some people don't recognize that they have PTSD because they may not associate their current symptoms with past trauma. In domestic violence situations, the victim may not realize that their prolonged, constant exposure to abuse puts them at risk.
I thought I'd try to lend some information sources, none of which I am affiliated with, nor making any money from either.
Find it fun to attack the concept it you must, but you might learn something if you read the book or widen your grasp of how the range of response to infidelity may not fit your life experience.
I post these links (at the bottom of post), admittedly not an academically rigorous list by any means, in the hope it may be useful to someone experiencing traumatic stress as a result of a cheating spouse.
=======
Symptoms
=======
PTSD is a response by normal people to an abnormal situation
The traumatic events that lead to post-traumatic stress disorder are usually so overwhelming and frightening that they would upset anyone. When your sense of safety and trust are shattered, it�s normal to feel crazy, disconnected, or numb � and most people do. The only difference between people who go on to develop PTSD and those who don�t is how they cope with the trauma.
After a traumatic experience, the mind and the body are in shock. But as you make sense of what happened and process your emotions, you come out of it. With post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), however, you remain in psychological shock. Your memory of what happened and your feelings about it are disconnected. In order to move on, it�s important to face and feel your memories and emotions.
Symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
Following a traumatic event, almost everyone experiences at least some of the symptoms of PTSD. It�s very common to have bad dreams, feel fearful or numb, and find it difficult to stop thinking about what happened. But for most people, these symptoms are short-lived. They may last for several days or even weeks, but they gradually lift.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), however, the symptoms don�t decrease. You don�t feel a little better each day. In fact, you may start to feel worse. But PTSD doesn�t always develop in the hours or days following a traumatic event, although this is most common. For some people, the symptoms of PTSD take weeks, months, or even years to develop.
The symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can arise suddenly, gradually, or come and go over time. Sometimes symptoms appear seemingly out of the blue. At other times, they are triggered by something that reminds you of the original traumatic event, such as a noise, an image, certain words, or a smell. While everyone experiences PTSD differently, there are three main types of symptoms, as listed below.
Re-experiencing the traumatic event
* Intrusive, upsetting memories of the event
* Flashbacks (acting or feeling like the event is happening again)
* Nightmares (either of the event or of other frightening things)
* Feelings of intense distress when reminded of the trauma
* Intense physical reactions to reminders of the event (e.g. pounding heart, rapid breathing, nausea, muscle tension, sweating)
PTSD symptoms of avoidance and emotional numbing
* Avoiding activities, places, thoughts, or feelings that remind you of the trauma
* Inability to remember important aspects of the trauma
* Loss of interest in activities and life in general
* Feeling detached from others and emotionally numb
* Sense of a limited future (you don�t expect to live a normal life span, get married, have a career)
PTSD symptoms of increased arousal
* Difficulty falling or staying asleep
* Irritability or outbursts of anger
* Difficulty concentrating
* Hypervigilance (on constant �red alert�)
* Feeling jumpy and easily startled
Other common symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder
* Anger and irritability
* Guilt, shame, or self-blame
* Substance abuse
* Depression and hopelessness
* Suicidal thoughts and feelings
* Feeling alienated and alone
* Feelings of mistrust and betrayal
* Headaches, stomach problems, chest pain
==================
Myths and Facts About PTSD
==================
Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Alliance was a multi-disciplinary group of professional and advocacy organizations, including Sidran Institute, that have joined forces to provide educational resources to medical and healthcare professionals, individuals diagnosed with PTSD and their loved ones, the general public, and the media. The mission of the PTSD Alliance is to increase awareness and promote a better understanding of the prevalence, diagnosis, and treatment of PTSD.
Posttraumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, is a complex disorder that is often misunderstood. PTSD may develop following exposure to extreme trauma�a terrifying event or ordeal that a person has experienced, witnessed, or learned about, especially one that is life-threatening or causes physical harm. The experience causes that person to feel intense fear, horror, or a sense of helplessness. Not everyone who experiences a traumatic event will develop PTSD, but many people do.
MYTH: PTSD only affects war veterans.
FACT: Although PTSD does affect war veterans, PTSD can affect anyone. Almost 70 percent of Americans will be exposed to a traumatic event in their lifetime. Of those people, up to 20 percent will go on to develop PTSD. An estimated 1 out of 10 women will develop PTSD at some time in their lives.
Victims of trauma related to physical and sexual assault face the greatest risk of developing PTSD. Women are about twice as likely to develop PTSD as men, perhaps because women are more likely to experience trauma that involves these types of interpersonal violence, including rape and severe beatings. Victims of domestic violence and childhood abuse are at tremendous risk for PTSD.
MYTH: People should be able to move on with their lives after a traumatic event. Those who can't cope are weak.
FACT: Many people who experience an extremely traumatic event go through an adjustment period following the exposure. Most of these people are able to return to leading a normal life. However, the stress caused by trauma can affect all aspects of a person's life including mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Research suggests that prolonged trauma may disrupt and alter brain chemistry. For some people, a traumatic event changes their views about themselves and the world around them. This may lead to the development of PTSD.
MYTH: People suffer from PTSD right after they experience a traumatic event.
FACT: PTSD symptoms usually develop within the first three months after trauma, but may not appear until months or years have passed. These symptoms may continue for years following the trauma, or, in some cases, symptoms may subside and reoccur later in life, which is often the case with victims of childhood abuse.
Some people don't recognize that they have PTSD because they may not associate their current symptoms with past trauma. In domestic violence situations, the victim may not realize that their prolonged, constant exposure to abuse puts them at risk.
justtired08
I read the title of this topic, and the first paragraph then came to respond. So as I am writing this, I have no idea what was written before. Do I think that infidelity is "Trauma" No, I don't think it could be, I KNOW WITH 100% KNOWLEDGE IT MOST DEFINITELY IS.. IT IS CALLED POST INFIDELITY STRESS DISORDER. And if your someone who has had PTSD it can be something to re-trigger you. Also, the more times it has happened and the trickle effect happens the worse it can be. We are re-traumatized, and it is absolute hell on the person who is suffering from it.. Ewen (my phyciatrist/addictions specialist/it all) is knowledgable to some degree with this. I am the one that has really brought it to the surface. He is use to knowing the Sex addict, and meeting the spouse when a true Disclosure is done. He knows me better then my h, but knows my husband too. (Ewen is also in recovery with different issues, so he isn't just book smart he is life too) I've been seeing him since Jan 2004 at least once a month, every month. It has been almost a year since I wondered if my Paul was a sex addict (and I am able to say names and be open) I was reading a book that just screamed at me. Then during a talk with my husband I was able to use the somethings that made him have that moment. Not saying that was the end of it, but it started the road we are travelling now. I told Paul that I wasn't willing (after he made contact with his recent stash) I said I didn't want to put anything into it until I had a full disclosure. When I realized he was texting her again, I went to my apt with Ewen, I told him (and I didn't put any of this together either) after he asked how my mood and depression was (I was on a teeter for a year and know how to listen to it) I said I feel disconnected from myself, like I am watching my life. but nothing is real we are not here, your not we are someones dream. His eyes got big, (and I didn't tell him about paul text Cheryl) he was worried and needed me to see mood dr, because I was in Trauma, He said he wondered if I could be traumatized by something, but nows that I was. and he was very worried. I knew I was doing whatever I can to find out how to heal from being with a sex addict. I cried asking him before, where do I go?? What support is for me?? He said he didn't know of anywhere for me. They don't have SAlon here. I had//have to learn how to recover and heal on my own, and I have been learning. Trauma is Trauma.. the more negative effects the harder it can over come, but if you have over come PTSD somewhat, we can this time.
justtired08
The books that I have read and that opened my eyes to this, to which Ewen has asked me to tell him which of these books I think would help him understand how to help. I'm the first patient he has had that he knows that is not the addict but the spouse. He wants to know how to help someone in my chair. I told him don't call me co-dependent, and def NOT a co-addict. He looked at me with 6 heads. I told him that what can make it more trauma for the spouse is (and think about this as someone who knows nothing, married 30 years kids grown and good life and loving husband not in the know) comes to a appointment with husband, Sits in the chair unsure why they are there, and they are told over the course of afew hours all the details of they life partners other life. They are spinning in the head, not sure if this is truly happening, is shocked hurt, afraid, everything in a sec, and not sure what to do. After sitting threw this for a couple of hours (disclosures always are) the counclor turns to you and saids, now, its not your fault, but you are a co-addict, and you need to forgive him, and find out what your part in this is, what you need to fix inside you? I looked at ewen and said, I would walk out of the office, grab an gun and shoot myself in the head, or, worse. He agreed that is pretty traumatic. ya think! We are not co-addicts, or co-dependent either I said. (co=dependent maybe yes but not on this only issue) He said he always question that. If we are married to an addict (drug, booze to me the samething) we know they are drinking/drugging. But a sex addict can hide it for years, and we can know nothing, Why are they co dependent but I'm a co addict? That I'm addicted to the sex addict? and if I do the12 steps then I will know my part and admit I'm powerless. With drinking drugging yes, but I told him that the 12 steps are not the way to heal or move past or understand with this one. (and I do use 12steps groups) The treatment for the spouse of a sex addict is no different then the way you treat someone with PTSD. He thinks that makes sense and I've been diving into this myself. I think I have a calling to have something around here to help, Books I've been reading are "Mending a broken Heart" Post Infidelity Stress disorder" and your sexally addicted spouse. I've also read betrayal bond, out of the shadows, couples guilde to sex addiction. I think Patrick Carnes got it right for the Sex addict, but missed the mark on the spouse. This is not the sameting as married to a addict. I know, I am !!
Vinoglass
Definitely! I just experienced an attack the other day. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my body. I could not breath and I felt like I was going to faint. Triggered by my unfaithful husband bringing up a location he had an affair at. It was awful!
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