If my H had made a baby with the OW I would not be able to stay with him. I could not have that constant reminder of what he did in my life forever. I would also be very concerned that he was so reckless and did not use protection. I look for small bits of comfort and it may sound ridiculous but knowing that that thin layer of latex was always between my H and the OW and not us is somehow comforting. It sort of makes me feel like she may have had him, but she never had him all the way like I do.

One of us was not able to make babies anymore so it was never an issue.

I'm asking hypothetically... "if you COULD" kinda way.

My H says he wore a condem, but I'm not sure I believe him. My H didn't confess until over a year after the A ended, so I'm sure he had thought several times how he would tell me, what he would say, etc. He just had a lot of time to work out a script, so to speak. thinking back, it was just all too perfect, the condem part, I don't know. I just have a hard time believing that someone who is being so freaking reckless by having an A, would be cautious enough to wear a condem.

I didn't even ask if he wore a condem, that was in his original confession... He very original this is what happened moment, he made sure to put the condem application into it. Something like he couldn't get his dick hard to get the condem on, or something... Just kinda sounds too good to be true... I feel like I'll never really now... Unless OW comes back with a baby, and says he's the father, and we get a DNA test... and who wants to go through all that BS. Not me, I'm so tired of the BS.. I just want to be NORMAL. Feel NORMAL...

condom!!! LOL

IF I got pregnant I would have kept the baby. If he still moved back home I wouldn't have asked for a dime from him. I never asked for money even for the kids I have now. The courts ordered it and the money I do get isn't what the courts ordered, it's far less. I even gave up my entitlement to half of my ex H's retirement from the Army (when we divorced) because he was the one who served 20 years and deserved every penny of it. Besides, we were separated (legally married) for most of that time so it didn't seem fitting that I should get any of it.
Had I been a gold digger or a SAHM who needed it, then maybe I wouldn't have had a choice but to take it.

I could not stay with him if there was a child from his affair. It would be too much for me. Part of what makes it possible for me to be able to forgive and to try to work things out is the fact that eventually she will be gone from our lives. She will not be anything but a bad memory. If there were a child, that would mean she would forever be a part of my life because her child would forever be a part of my children's lives. I can't continue the rest of my life with her in it.

If we stayed together and they had a child together, I also know that I would love that child as my own because it would be a part of my H and because of the way I feel about children. But feeling that way would be very hard for me and cause inner turmoil. I wouldn't ever hold it against the child, but it would eat at me. I would hold it against me.

Also I don't think there is any way in the world that I could help raise her child and have to deal with her on a daily basis.

As I was reading lovemarriage's reply it made me wonder if you really wanted to know if the C wore condoms. I understand that it is a big issue (understandably) with many betrayeds. I wouldn't like it one bit if my S/O cheated but it would be a lot harder on me if he didn't wear protection.

A question in the CA group (or maybe another OP group) a year or so ago (if I remember correctly) asked how many OW wanted to get preggers and I remember that many said that they did. I remember being able to relate to it too. Of course it was impossible for it to happen but it didn't stop me from almost wishing (at the time) that I would.

What is crazy about it is that I have been looking forward to my kids getting older so that I could have some kind of social life without taking them with me everywhere I go. Being a single mom and focusing everything on them 24/7 and working full time while managing a house too was wearing me thin. My head was thinking...no more babies but at the same time having his baby seemed like a gift that would be a part of him that I could have forever.

If there was ever a irrational thought, I believe that one trumps the rest of them that I had. During those thoughts I don't remember ever worrying about how anyone else would feel about it. Much less the pain and craziness that would turn his family's life upsidedown. The fog is no joke and some serious selfishness.

Thanks for the honesty, firefly :) I appreciate it so much!!

My H never used a condom during the entire 2 year affair with her. WTH!!! It scared me horribly for the 3 weeks that it took to get all of the tests back. The fact that he cared nothing for my health, broke my heart. He cared so little for me that he would not use any protection. He cared so little that he didn't even think about the "what ifs" and how they could affect our children.

The is something to be said for knowing that a condom was used. I didn't have that peace of mind. It really screwed up my mind thinking about the "what ifs" for 3 weeks. When I got the call that all was clear, all he said was "that's good"! Again, WTH!!!!

I am happy in respect that she had a tubal years ago or she would have gotten pregnant out of spite. I know that I would not have held it against the child but I would not have stayed with him. I would have told him he could have her and the child. I could not have lived with him knowing he had a child with her. This is what I know about me.

I don't know how our kids would have handled it. They still do not know what their father has done. We have kept that from them. They know we are having problems but they do not know the reason. They are 11 and 13 almost and I don't feel they should be involved in something this ugly if I can protect them from it. I just don't understand how he could have been so completely selfish....

My H told me that they didn't use a condom, and she is a Dr !!!!!

I was so mad, I said,'you will never touch me again until you get tested'. She had just screwed 2 other men within 3 mos, so I was furious.

I feel in my heart that I couldn't stay with H if a child had been conceived, because I struggle too much as it is, and he has had a vasectomy. But it's the fact as SLW wrote, he didn't think of the health consequences and my safety, that's very upsetting to me to this day.

My H did not wear a condom either and it is just one more thing that bothers me so much. The affair itself was bad enough, but that just screamed to me that my well being wasn't even a thought in his head.

Everytime someone we knew would be going through infidelity and we would talk about it, I would say "If you find you want someone else, please just tell me." or "If you don't love me anymore or don't want me, please just leave, but don't cheat because that I cannot take."

That was usually followed up with, "but if something happened and you did end up having sex with someone else, please at that very least use protection. Please don't make the situation worse by putting my health at risk"

Well, he didn't and I have had "issues" come and go over the last few years that started within 3 weeks of the first time they were together. I have been with the same man since I was 18 years old and never had any "issues" before. Three weeks after having sex with that skank, I am at the doctor. Not only that, but the doctor (physician asst) was asking me if there was any chance that my H was having an affair and I was defending him. I was blown away at her insistence that I should consider that fact and was about to ask my doctor to reprimanded her for talking to a patient that way. As I told my H how upset she made me, he pretended to be oh so offended and was going to call the doctor too. Yeah, Whatever! And now, she has been diagnosed with HPV and I have to go through embarrassing doctor visits more regularly now.

So yeah, the condom is important and it does make things seem a little bit better. Because in my mind I see it that it was more important for him to not offend her by wearing one than it was to wear one to protect me. He chose her over me; he put her feelings above mine. There really is no way to ever make me see it any differently.

I think the total lack of respect and caring about my health is what makes me the most mad!!! It was all in the moment, all ME ME ME to him and how it felt without it. He said and I quote "I never even once thought about it until afterwards and thought Oh Well"....WTH!!! I was floored when he said that to me. Then I popped back "1st things 1st - get your ass tested because I require it. Who knows what that slut has given US because YOU couldn't keep your pants zipped. How could you not think about my health, yours and what it would do to our children if you infected us both with something antibiotics can't kill?". I think it hit him between the eyes when I said it like that to him.

That was the longest 3 weeks of my life. The not knowing and "what if" was torture to me. He seemed unconcerned. They just don't think about us.....

@slwaite, you said:
"I know that I would not have held it against the child but I would not have stayed with him. I would have told him he could have her and the child."

Before I actually found out that my H's A did bring a child that was exactly my thought. I said it a million times...but in the end, I stayed. I don't even know all the reasons why I stayed but every now and then I regret it.

Not too long ago, H started befriending another woman at work. Talking and texting...they even went to the movies together...and again I stayed. I also have regrets for staying this time too....I feel like I'm not good enuf sometimes. I don't understand why I stay and then regret it. I must be glutton for punishment!!

@momentum, KNOW THAT YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH...!! In fact your top of the line!!! I'm sure there are lots of GOOD reasons that make you stay. Sometimes the hurt is so overwhelming, it's hard to see the good...

(((hugs and kisses)))

Thanks LM (((smile)))