Understanding Betrayal Community Group
Traumatic events, such as natural disasters and criminal attacks shatter assumptions about our sense of safety in the world. In a similiar way, the discovery of infidelity is devastating because it shatters basic assumptions about the security we expect in committed relationships. This group is open to anyone. It's a place to share, learn, and talk freely. Let's...
I am constantly amazed that CS find it hard to understand when someone betrays THEM. My H just discovered that a relative has cheated him out of a few thousand dollars. He trusted this person and it appears that the betrayer never planned to pay and that it was a scheme from the beginning. He is depressed and seemingly appalled that someone he treated well and did a good job for would cheat him and betray him like that.
People, this is BUSINESS. How does the think I feel about the betrayal he dumped on me for months during his affair? the lies, the betrayal when all I did was love him and treat him well. Its almost like he has forgotten or that when it comes to men getting some on the side, that doesn't COMPARE with this. The only difference ( to me) is that now its happening to HIM. Now HE sees what it feels like to trust someone and only want to please them, only to be stabbed in the back.
I want to say that to him SO badly, but what would that solve? It would just start another fight.
But, I don't see how he can be so screwed over by what this person did to HIM, yet he had no problem doing it to me!!
Karma is a bitch! Do you guys/ladies also find that your CS is sensitive to things like that now? For example, we can be talking about an acquaintance or some tv show and I will say ' that is his girlfriend'. and my CS will say ' but he has a wife!" DUH!! "So what? What difference does THAT make?" THEN he realizes what I mean, that it didn't make any difference to HIM, so he should understand.
I guess that I should be pleased that he NOW thinks that type of behavior is wrong. He's like another person now. Unfortunately I still have the scars that he inflicted. He's like one of those physical types who beats his wife, who after he comes to his senses, wants to kiss her bruises or act like he doesn't remember where the bruises came from.
People, this is BUSINESS. How does the think I feel about the betrayal he dumped on me for months during his affair? the lies, the betrayal when all I did was love him and treat him well. Its almost like he has forgotten or that when it comes to men getting some on the side, that doesn't COMPARE with this. The only difference ( to me) is that now its happening to HIM. Now HE sees what it feels like to trust someone and only want to please them, only to be stabbed in the back.
I want to say that to him SO badly, but what would that solve? It would just start another fight.
But, I don't see how he can be so screwed over by what this person did to HIM, yet he had no problem doing it to me!!
Karma is a bitch! Do you guys/ladies also find that your CS is sensitive to things like that now? For example, we can be talking about an acquaintance or some tv show and I will say ' that is his girlfriend'. and my CS will say ' but he has a wife!" DUH!! "So what? What difference does THAT make?" THEN he realizes what I mean, that it didn't make any difference to HIM, so he should understand.
I guess that I should be pleased that he NOW thinks that type of behavior is wrong. He's like another person now. Unfortunately I still have the scars that he inflicted. He's like one of those physical types who beats his wife, who after he comes to his senses, wants to kiss her bruises or act like he doesn't remember where the bruises came from.
Then when we found out that my now ex-SIL had given my brother a "Dear John" phone call while he was still overseas and actually left him on his first night back home, my H had all kinds of things to say about her. Nothing I didn't agree with, but I just wondered how he felt he had the right to say anything.
Granted my H wasn't cheating on me while I was overseas serving my country, but he did cheat on me and devastate our family. He lied to me and his kids over and over again and he had an affair with one of my friends. How is he not the "jackass" equivalent of my bitch of an ex-SIL?
Not only that, but he still has expectations of others that he didn't have for himself regarding honesty, character, and integrity. Even if his was just a momentary lapse, how does he not believe that others might have that same lapse?
I really don't get it either and it bugs me a lot.
My H talks a good talk about right and wrong---but sometimes I wonder if it's just to apease me---because it's not considered "cool" and he's proven he's still very concerned about being "cool."
Keep your standards! Keep your cool - pointing out their inconsistencies just angers them. Stay the course, in time they will drive right....and if they don't....they are not worth your time!!!
Know you deserve better than some selfish stupid man!!