TTC after stillbirth Community Group

A group for those who have suffered a stillbirth and are considering ttc or actively ttc again. We know the emotional challenges of trying again and who better to support us than others who have been through what we have been through.

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michaelamommy 09/08/2010

I changed OB's after my loss because I was very unsatisfied with my old one. I've seen the new one twice, on the first visit he told me I was clear to ttc and to go for it. I saw him again today to follow up on my emotional status and the report from MFM and he was like a different person! He said he thinks I should put off ttc until I am no longer grieving. I'm so upset because I want more than anything to conceive and bring home a baby. He thinks I'm trying to fill a void, but I explained to him that I am getting older and have been ttc for two years (I had a m/c last year and stillborn this year).

Then he tells me that I'm probably not ovulating because of the stress so I asked him to order blood tests and he said lets wait. AAHH!! I am not trying to replace my daughter, I want another baby before I get too old.
Then to make me feel worse, he tell me that he saw the reports from the hospital and they show that my baby was very big for her gestational age so either I was further along or maybe I had diabetes which may have ultimately cause her demise. WTF!! My diabetes test was normal, I only gained 6 lbs my whole pregnancy. I felt like that visit was an attack on me,like he was telling me how my life is and what will happen.

Thanks for listening. I feel more than ready to ttc having a baby is the only thing that can make me happy right now.

deleted_user 09/08/2010

Well you certainly should do what you feel is best for you, but there's NOTHING wrong with looking for another doctor. I'm not saying to ignore what he has to say, but has HE ever had to deliver a stillborn or does he understand the emotions you are going though!?

I also think (and I'm sorry if this is out of line), that it's stupid to say to put off TTC until you are not longer grieving. Unfortunately this grief will be with you the rest of your life. yes, people do grieve in unhealthy and distructive ways and they probably should wait to TTC, but there's also totally normal and healthy ways to grieve. And you know yourself better than anyone. You know if you are ready to love another baby, If you are ready for the emotional journey of pregnancy after stillbirth. Only you can answer when it's right to have another baby. So don't let his opinion discourage you.

My doctor said I was fine medically to get pregnant again, and he even thinks that being pregnant would help a lot in the healing process. And it's only been a little over 10 weeks for me.

If you are ready medically and physically and you think you are ready emotionally than go for it! We'll be here supporting you along the way.

deleted_user 09/08/2010

I agree, you should be the most comfortable with your ob, especially with your history now. My ob has been with me my past two preg, and he and my nurse are the best I ve ever met in the medical industry, and trust me , between my family thats a lot of ugly doctors and nurses to go through to know what a good one really is. I had my second c section in two years within 15 mos of each other, at first they told me we should wait 6 mos to a year, then it went down to 6 mos. I am coming up on our 5 mos angelversary for Will and we have been ttc for 2 months, I just had bloodwork done at my ob, to check for blood clotting disorders and I even taught my ob something, he had never heard of a certain type of test I wanted. He was very open to doing it, I feel it is ONLY because he knows me. He didn't deliver our stillborn son, his colleage did, but he has simply opened his mind a little I guess, since he is an older doctor and he has NEVER encountered a stillbirth in his practice. I know I m rambling, I m good at that, sorry. I do want to say sorry for your loss of your angel, and you WILL know when it is right, God and your angel will both let you know, because it will simply happen, just as this experience, just happened to us. Praying for you, big hugs.

deleted_user 09/08/2010

My doctor told me I was "medically" ready anytime after having one complete cycle. He also said I should wait till I am "emotionally ready" - then he clarified & said, "Don't wait until you're no longer scared cuz you will always be scared now - just wait until the desire to have a baby outweighs the fear." I thought that was a good gauge for readiness.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

deleted_user 09/08/2010

I say, FIRE HIM. YOu need to find Dr. Right. Dr. Right is someone who trusts your instincts about your own body, believes what you say, and supports you. Like a spouse, you want a doctor you trust and feel good about. This guy (whom I call "Dr. Wrong") sounds like a controlling doctor who wants to call all the shots -- no wonder you don't have a good gut feeling about him.

Remember, finding the right doctor is like dating. They may seem like a bunch of nice people, but you don't want to marry most of them. Find one that you feel comfortable with. (I interviewed three doctors before meeting Dr. Right.)

Do what's best for you --- you are entitled to your feelings and you needn't change them or deny them to please anyone. You know yourself best. If you believe getting pregnant again will help you deal with your loss and help you feel move on toward more hopeful, joyful times, then go for it. (That's how i felt too --- about wanting to start TTC only a couple months after losing my baby and like you, I'm 34 and feeling the pressure of my biological clock ticking...)

Good luck, and sending you lots of baby dust your way....

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