TTC after stillbirth Community Group

A group for those who have suffered a stillbirth and are considering ttc or actively ttc again. We know the emotional challenges of trying again and who better to support us than others who have been through what we have been through.

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michaelamommy 10/07/2010

I'm so depressed now, I would've never known if it wasn't for the OPK's!! I started testing with OPK on CD9 of this cycle and surprisingly it was + (you can read it on my post about a long LH surge). I kept testing and it was + 4 days in a row and a friend told me I may be pregnant so I took an HPT and it was +. So then I took 7 more and were all +. I knew this couldn't be right because my temps dropped and stayed down and I have absolutely no symptoms. But then I remember that on DPO 6 of last month I had implantation pain so maybe I did conceive, also I had taken Clomid. I took an HPT on CD25 last month and got BFN, then AF showed up 2 days early. So that was that.
I called my OB yesterday and told him what was going on so he ordered an ultrasound and bloodwork. US showed nogestatinal sac, uterine lining thickness, and a corpus luteal cyst(great). HCG levels are 232, but progesterone 1.3 which is not compatible with pregnancy. AHHH!!! I wish I wouldn't have known!! Ignorance is bliss. I was already over the disappointment that last month was a waste, now I have to live knowing that I had yet another m/c.
To top off my wonderful day, I came home to a package in my mail. It was an Enfamil diaper bag with formula cans...nice.
I just don't know anymore, I'm at work and I can barely concentrate or keep a dry eye.
Thanks ladies for listening to me rant.
Amanda

deleted_user 10/07/2010

Amanda I'm so sorry. But last month wasn't a total waste. Your body is trying hard to prepare for a healthy pregnancy and baby. Like you said, you never would have known had it not been for the OPK. I've read that so many of us will experience a miscarriage and never know it. This is common and don't be too hard on yourself - It will be your time soon. Hang in there hun. Lots of love sent your way. ~Caroline

deleted_user 10/07/2010

Amanda, I'm so sorry you are going through this. I just know that everything will work out ok. Hang in there.
-Karen

deleted_user 10/07/2010

I'm so so sorry to hear this. It's awful to have to go through this....like you say, sometimes ignorance is bliss and you wouldn't have known if it hadn't been for the OPK. I had a miscarriage/chemical pregnancy in June of last year and I was really upset...I had the BFP one week before I lost it. It's difficult, and I know maybe this won't be of much help, but your body is working hard to get itself back on track. The trauma of losing our angels is a huge blow to our souls, and your soul, mind and body are interconnected. The time will come soon when everything is in the right place for it to happen and for you and your rainbow to begin your lives together. Your angel is there with you. I know it's hard to deal with all the stuff in the mail too - I got a Similac thing through the mail yesterday and it just (excuse the language) PISSES ME OFF! Stupidly they were sending out a recall letter saying 'oh there's evidence of some bugs in batches of similac ?!?!' Anyway, we are here for you and we send you love, peace, and a big enveloping hug to help you get through the day. Sam

deleted_user 10/07/2010

Am so sorry hon! Believe me, I know how frustrating it is and the feeling that you are always back to square one..but you know what they say about miscarriages so early on right? that there probably was something wrong with the embryo or implantation-probably not what you want to hear but this may have saved you even more heartbreak later. I had a chemical pregnancy in June and my doc told me to pretend I didnt know that (easier said than done, right?) and just keep trying in July and so on..Get back in the saddle and try for your rainbow and dont give up, you have way too much love in your heart to do so!!

deleted_user 10/07/2010

I'm so sorry that you are going through this! :( I'm keeping you and your family in my thoughts. ~Kelly

deleted_user 10/07/2010

Amanda,

Sorry that this is happening to you, but you are on the track to healing! Give yourself and your body some time to adjust! Have already told you that I feel your rainbow is on the horizon, just sit back and try to enjoy the bding in the meantime! Great big hugs and buckets of baby dust! You are a wonderful mother and you will have your little bundle in your arms soon...

deleted_user 10/07/2010

OMG girl I'm so sorry!!!! Honestly--words cannot express how upset I am for you! I can only imagine how that must feel. I wish I could just hug you tight. I am thinking of you--remember,call or text me anytime!

deleted_user 10/07/2010

I am so sorry.

deleted_user 10/08/2010

Oh I'm so sorry. None of us should have such a hard time. We all have so much love to give. Everyone is right though, try your hardest to think positive and push onward to the next month. It's hard knowing something was going to or supposed to happen and it didn't. I have been there too. Try to stay positive and everything will align themselves correctly and it will be your turn. Big hugs, Stacy

michaelamommy 10/08/2010

Thanks again ladies, your comments are invaluable to me. I am so happy I found you all. I will stay positive and keep on trying, anyways it is fun to BD!
Baby dust to all!!
Amanda

deleted_user 10/14/2010

i am so sorry i missed this post sweetie! i am so sorry! hugs!!!

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