ttc after mc Community Group

this group is for those mommy and daddy to angels who are currently trying to concieve or have succeeded in ttc

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deleted_user 10/22/2009

I had a miscarriage six months ago and I'm ready to work on having a another baby now, I know that nothing will replace my precious baby that died, but don't feel that our family is complete yet. Whenever I mention having a baby, however, my husband gets stressed and walks away - which I find so off-putting and lonely.

I know that he is stressed over the economy, which is understandable, but I do not have time on my side. I am 40 1/2 years old. I'm trying to be patient, but am not sure what to do. Although there was nothing wrong with my baby (they think that my high fevers and a subchorionic hemorrhage caused her death) the risk of problems supposedly goes up with age and it is concerning.

I haven't had problems conceiving in the past, but who knows if that will continue to be the case as I am advancing in maternal age. I need my husband to be on board with me. Has anyone experienced this and what did you do?

deleted_user 03/11/2010

I had this exact situation with my first husband and went along with not trying. Managed to convince myself I was fine not to have a family. When my marriage ended a few years back, the ONLY thing I was angry about was that decision. I had visions of him finding a much younger woman and having kids afterall - at 38 I believed I'd missed my chance for a family. Being with my new husband really reinforces how much I gave up and what I've missed - just losing our baby throws up all those issues again and at 40 now, who knows I may well have missed out.
I would say if you know it's what you want, you have to sit your husband down and make him understand how much you want it and get to the bottom of his reasons for reluctance. Maybe he's concerned about money - we all are, but maybe he's also afraid for you. For your health? In case this doesn't happen for you guys? Maybe he's just trying to process the loss of your last baby still?
It's so important that you're both happy with this decision so I would say ... press the issue. i know time is a great healer and all that but sometimes you just don't have it huh?

deleted_user 03/18/2010

I haven't had problems concieving in the past either. My husband and I are in a similar situation. This pregnancy was a surprise and after we accepted it and embraced it, we lost it. Now he says that he wants to wait a year and I want to try asap. He even made the remark to put it on the calendar. I was really mad at him. I asked him if we could compromise or discuss why he says a year and he said it's just cause. He has no explanation or reason which really makes me more upset. If he's grieving I would be able to understand better but he won't talk about it in that way. He even slightly suggested me seeing someone because I want to try again! I don't know what to do...we really aren't speaking. Am I being unreasonable for wanting another baby we had already planned on previously that came too early and left too early? I don't want to replace my angel that I lost. Any comments?

deleted_user 09/16/2010

while my hubby does want to TTC we were given a 6 month waiting period to TTC soooo he was very nervous to even have sex for a while which was a HUGE fight, i felt like- hell - ive already had everything taken away from me, and now my hubby wont have sex with me in fear of getting pregnant too soon or my health, i didnt really believe these were his motives, as he is not a very sexual person to begin with. but we talked and worked things out, he was scared for me, which is good. he told me he thought to himself" i have lost my child, i cant lose my wife". although the chances of me getting cancer are very slim, he wanted to be more confident about it before we took that risk. we are still in that waiting period but arent preventing/but not trying either... its a wierd thing when u want a baby so long, you try try try and then you stop trying bc of different things. WAY WIERD> anywho...id suggest you talk to him, there is a reason hes being liket his, maybe he is still hurting?

Tryingtomakesense 11/05/2010

I am also 40 and after our miscarriage, my OBGYN urged us not to wait, if we want to have another baby. What does your Dr. say? My DH was at the appointment where the Dr. explained that every month after 40 increases your odds of miscarriage.

Our situation is actually pretty horrible. My husband was a successful Executive and lost his job a day before we lost our baby. We have a 2 yr old who has MAJOR medical problems and (AFTER INSURANCE) her medical expenses exceed $4,000/mo. I am a stay at home mom...have to be to take care of her. I have a variety of semi-serious health problems myself.

BUT, I am DESPERATE to be pregnant again. The baby we lost was a surprise baby, too...but we had become SO excited to welcome him into the family!!

Understandably, my DH was VERY hesitant to TTC right now. He wanted to wait until he got a job, which is perfectly logical. But, my clock is ticking...and my OB makes that VERY clear. So, my DH recently agreed to actively TTC...including charting & doing OPK's, which he was ALWAYS OPPOSED TO.

If you can, take your DH to an appointment with your OB...unless your OB doesn't have any urgency for you...because that would be counter-productive. lol My DH was VERY motivated by the fact that waiting would increase the chances of living through this hell again. :-(

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