It has taken a lot of encouragement from my family and friends to reach out to a support group. I am a perfectionist by nature so the fact that I have been struggling to concieve for the last year has taken a burden on me emtionally and physically. 

My husband, Brian, and I have been married for almost 3 years (9/23/2017). When we were first married, we put off starting a family because we knew we wanted to travel to Ireland for our 1 year anniversary and honestly we weren't in the right mindset. We have been together for almost 11 years but we wanted to enjoy being married. 

I went off of my birth control in January 2019 and started taking a prenatal in hopes of starting to try in 6 months. My husband and I began trying in May of 2019. I experienced heavy bleeding and clotting. My periods have always been regular but often heavy and painful (the reason I was on BC at 16). I had gone to emergent care once because I thought I was having a miscarriage. At that point, I also had started doing OPK's, using apps and just watching how I felt. To be honest, during that time, I don't think I was timing it right and I don't think my husband and I were having sex enough.

We stopped for a bit in the fall of 2019 because our plan was to go to Italy in April (preCOVID) and I did not want to be pregnant while traveling. In February, we made the decision to not go to Italy because we wouldn't have been allowed to since the country was shut down. We began trying again to no avail. Again, I was testing, tracking, taking my temp etc. I don't think my husband and I were timing it correctly or having enough sex, but I figured one of those times it would take. It didn't. 

Finally, after a heavy period with large clots, I made an appointment in May with a new OBGYN. He did an endotromerial biopsy which showed I had not ouvlated yet, but I believe that was because I thought I was on day 24 of my cycle but I wasn't. My urine showed I had mycoplasma so I did a dose of doxycycline. My husband too tested positive and did a dose of doxycycline. My blood tests were all normal. My hormone levels were all normal. My OBGYN wants to do hysterosalpingography but I am hesitant because of how my body reacted to the biopsy. I have diagnosed fibromyalgia and small fiber neuropathy so my body tends to overreact to abnormal stimuli. My husband is in the process of having his semen tested. 

This current cycle (I am on day 28) I really thought it was the month. I had the key signs of ovulation (lots of egg white discharge, increase in sex drive, soft cervix etc). My husband and I did it every 2 days. I have to add that my husband was still finishing his antibotic for the mycoplasma, but we chose to try because I had a good feeling. Well here we are on day 28 and all tests have negative and I believe I am getting my period (I am due Sunday). I did have what I believe to be implantation pain but it could also be gas. 

I haven't officially been diagnosed with infertility, but I am still struggling. I don't know if I am overeacting and stress is making it worse or if there really is an issue with either myself or my husband. I am struggling every month when I get my period. Emotionally I am keeping it bottled up. Many of my friends who are trying to be there and sympathize are struggling because they are either currently pregnant or having children. That's why I wanted to join this group. I need people who get it. Sometimes I think I am making a mountain out of a mole hill and am ten steps ahead of myself, but emotionally I am ready for break down. 

My goal is to try next month again, having my husband's sperm checked and go from there. I do have an appointment in October with CNY fertility. 

I don't know what to do anymore and its hard for me to sit here and even write this because I know that there are women who struggle much more than me so in a way I feel selfish. 

I just want a baby. I want to be a mom and my husband to be a dad, but for some reason life has a different plan for us