Hi, welcome! I can totally relate, its been 9 months for us so far and the comments are incredibly frustrating! See another thread about comments recently too.

I don't think I do cope with them. I often end up in tears later that day on my own (usually in the car when I start thinking) or snapping or telling them exactly how awful I feel about it all. None of which help much! I feel like I need to make people aware of the situation but then again I dont want to make them feel bad.

I often get "oh you don't want them theyre a nightmare and you'll always be tired and you'll never get a lie in ever again" to make me feel better!!! Sometimes I go along with the joke coz its easier!

Not sure what the best action is when we get comments like that but I am a big believer in talking...especially to your other half :-)

Hi Catherine1988,
Thank you for kindly replying.
My partner and I talk all the time, our relationship is built on communication. He's brilliant, and has always been of the mantra that no matter how silly something feels to talk about, or how bad it may seem, talking about it is the first step to resolve. He's a wise one!
The trouble with comments are, often they actually come from a good place, people think they're helping, or lightening the mood or showing they care. But often the just come through no filter! I know lots of people who just don't want children, and they don't understand, or some even worse, just assume that I too don't want them, even though I've never said such a thing!
Yes, I think we're all aware that children are hard work, and when it does happen for us, it's going to be harder than we ever could prepare for! However, we are not daft or blind, thinking it'll be easy!
:)

Hi! I’m so glad that you mention this because I feel the same exact way and don’t know how to deal with all of these emotions.

My husband and I have been together for 7 years, married 5 and TTC for the last 2. We took things slow waiting until we finished our schooling, got good jobs, and built a stable foundation...all the while thinking that it would be easy to conceive. Well this obviously wasn’t the case and here I am now being told I have PCOS and on fertility meds.

I see pregnancy announcements every day it seems and everyone around seems to be pregnant..but me. I really am happy for them but so frustrated, sad, mad, etc. I’ve just been feeling so many emotions and it’s made me depressed. Recently I just deleted my social media and it seems to have helped a little because I don’t have those daily reminders of what others have and the one and only thing missing from my life. I’ve also tried just avoiding the topic with others but it just comes up so often and I just don’t have the guts to tell people the truth about my fertility issues so I play it off as us just waiting to have kids...I’d love to see too how others are dealing with these issues because honestly, I don’t know what to do anymore and feel like I’m driving myself crazy.

Hi Ladies,

My wife and I have been trying for 9 months.
These are all amazing stories and I too feel down every month.
Sometimes I feel like I want it more than her.

Most times, I have nobody to go to about this. She does not want to "beat a dead horse" and I don't want her to feel like she is the problem by always talking about it. I don't want to speak to family about this stuff it will cause more stress. My mother knows and helps with her words but there is only so much I want to share. I don't share with friends because I always hear about other people struggling to conceive. I know 9 months isn't a very long time but it is a cycle that feels monotonous every month (ha - cycle, get it?)

anyway...

Don't lose sight of the important things which is being in a happy relationship.
Plan trips (short 1-2 nighters or longer if you can). Know that you aren't the only ones going through it. Know that your stories will help others. Be hopeful and avoid social media when you can.

I'm very impatient and feel like I can always do something/change something when it comes to this but it isn't the case.

All the best.

Hi everyone, I started this thread in December, and there's still no joy for us. We agreed at the beginning that if we hadn't conceived after a year, then we'd get a puppy. Well, when we get her we will have been trying for a year. I have been puppy broody for as long as I can remember. I have grown up with animals and it's over due for us to have a dog really. We went to choose our pup last week, and I honestly couldn't be more excited about it. Not only will she give me a positive focus, but she will bring happiness with her little doggy smile and reduce stress all round. Originally I had wanted to have a baby and then get a dog once the baby had grown. But mentally it's doing me no good, because we keep putting things off all the time in the case of 'what if we are pregnant' and it's not good to live like that. We pick her up in April ❤️ and we'll keep trying and hope she will become a great doggy sister to a human baby soon xx I will just add, that this has bought some joy and will give me a positive focus, because I genuinely haven't been dealing well with it, and still don't really know how we're meant to deal with it! Some friends will talk to me, others clearly feel very awkward in talking to me about it, and generally I feel it's too personal to really open up about, but I can't pretend it doesn't get to me every month. Xx

That is fantastic, congrats on the pup! Great way to take your mind off of things.
Thinking about planning a trip to go back to Ireland this year.
Hope you are well.

Well me being a ttc from three months now, can understand whats its like... im in my mid thirties too and have been listening to different stuff from people. i know they are being supportive but simply don't know what to think as im already going through enough in my head. i don't want to feel being pitied for anything especially when feeling sensitive emotionally...

Ccr2018, that sounds great, how lovely to have a holiday to look forward to.

Jassisag, three months really is no time to be trying, medically we all know this, but emotionally it is challenging, and made more so by people trying to help and advise. I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to be pitied, especially when you yourself are learning how to mentally cope with ttc. I have already had people close to me use the words 'desperate' and 'unhappy' about me. I can seriously do without it, I know they're empathising, but taking a year or longer to conceive isn't unusual, and a part of me would rather they treat me with a more light hearted manner, as I'm beginning to wish I'd kept it to myself in the beginning rather than letting those close to me know.

I think the worst part of all of this is how alone we feel. Especially as a guy there isn't anyone I can go to.

NimueMagic, thanks for being positive. It is what we all need more of.

Hi friends, hubby and i have been ttc for about 3 months now, i know it is not a lot but i wanted to tip you off on something that might help us all: went to the gynecologist, was told all is good and that i had an imbalance in the vaginal flora, let me translate that : we are supposed to have good and bad bacteria down there ,well me, i had 0 good bacteria and lots of bad bacteria taking over, it is a natural thing your body does if your diet is not healthy and you eat a lot of junk, therefore flora is disturbed and makes it easier for bad bacteria to kill off the good one and take over, when bad bacteria takes over it is called BV and turns your vagina acidic therefore little spermies can not pass, the acidic environment caused by BV is destroying them over and over again, now, this is something i never thought about but yet exists and is very common, we women need to know that, so, ladies, get a std screening and make sure you do not have any vaginal imbalance down there, if you do, kill off the bad bacteria ( get a prescription for your gynecologist) then wait a week after you finish your treatment to resume intercourse but once you kill off bad bacteria know that the antibiotics will also kill ALL bacteria ( good and bad ) therefore you are prone to yeast infection, so what you do is: you take your prescription that doc gives you and you also make sure you are eating good bacteria food such as yogurt daily and any food that helps vaginal health and balance, probiotic fueled food, probiotic supplements daily to make sure you introduce good bacteria there as well, now that the bad guys are gone, they will return because it is nature but you will control that by eating right and getting a little exercise like walking daily or moving more and drinking lots and lots of water, natural yogurt, dark chocolate,pickles , probiotics supplements, now , congratulation, you have re balanced things down there and your PH is back to normal making it a more welcoming place for spermies once they enter and are no longer destroyed by an acidic environment like before which was caused by bad bacteria taking over so now, make sure you keep that balanced by always always eating your veggies, fruits, yogurt ( natural), water, probiotic supplements, reducing caffeine, reducing or avoiding junk food, same for saturated fats, bread, sweets etc ; I am not a doctor and this is just what i found out by doing lots and lots of research for weeks, hope this helps but please please, speak to your doctor first...with all my compassion and support, future mama club 2019, baby dust to all of us