First of all let me say I am sorry for your frustration. I had a breakdown at a baby shower this summer. My 19 yr old sis got pregnant. I won’t say it was easy to be happy for her and not to jealous. I was broken by the news. I’ve also asked “why?” and “when?”… But I am now so blessed. And I fully understand how lucky/fortunate I am. I need to ask and please believe me it wasn’t easy for me and my dh. We’ve gone through a lot to get to where we are now. I'm 12 weeks after 9 years of TTC and battle with PCOS – eventually we did IVF with de. My question is - how do I tell a friend at work who's been TTC with many efforts and $ spent that I am pregnant? Any suggestions? I’ve been there but honestly I have no idea how to tell about pregnancy to someone who’s been ttcing for years and not make them sad. It seems impossible to me… Any comments would be appreciated.

I totally understand how you feel. I try to be happy for others but deep down inside I’m so jealous... I think we have every right to feel the way we do... It’s human nature. We are trying and longing for a baby... And when someone else gets pregnant it’s a downer. Don’t apologize for your feelings. Just try to channel that negative energy in another way. My best friend called yesterday to tell me that she is expecting! While I am happy for her, I can’t help but be jealous. She has only been trying for 2 months (naturally)... I’m so depressed... I so feel like I’m getting my rag! I just try to remember that I am still blessed with the things I do have and know that someday it will be my turn! Hang in there. It will be our turn too!

You’re definitely not alone. I was just out with dh and in a span of an hour I heard about 2 different couples that are preg. It is hard... I just try to think that my time will come soon. I guess what keeps me going is thinking that everything happens for a reason. There must be a reason I'm not 7 month preg. right now. I believe it will be my turn soon.

@MinaMina the baby shower thing will probably be me in two weeks. My good friend is due the end of Jan. and I would've been due in Fab. I have to go. She has been so supportive of me... But the texts about her baby's weight and who the baby looks like in utero are a bit much. As for your case... First of all my congratulations! I’m sincerely happy for you, dear! You obviously have to tell your friend at work. I think she will be supportive because you have similar paths... Your story is inspiring for me. So I think you will be a pure inspiration for her as well. I'm sure she will be happy for you. Good luck!

@MinaMina I would tell the friend but be sensitive to the fact that she is struggling. Make sure that you don't make a huge deal about your happiness. Remember how you felt being in her shoes. Also make sure that co-workers don't make a huge deal about it. Tell her that she is next. Tell her if it happened for you it will for her. All everyone wants is hope. Treat her with the sensitivity you wanted before.

I am not jealous so much of my friend's success but of my in-laws. They financially help my brother in law family but won't help us with the cost of IVF. They are incredibly wealthy and have even given my brother (who works with my husband and makes the exact same salary) pretty big sum to buy a house. They say that they help the brother because he has children and we do not. I am so angry and jealous that they will help the others who have children and have money but not us who are childless and desperately struggle with infertility. I am trying not to hate my mother in law but it is hard. My mother in law hates my brother’s wife. She tells me that those grandchildren need a good aunt and that we should be there for them. She tells that those children are already in the world… Her words make me so sad and mad! I’ve decided the next time she tells me those words I’m going to tell her that they need a good grandmother and that maybe she should quit traveling all the time and stay home more to be with them. They are rich people and I just don't understand. They actually like me but they have this twisted sense of what is fair.

If you are a bit*h then I am queen bit*h. I wouldn't say I am jealous. And trust me I have thought about this a lot. Hearing someone else is pregnant just reminds me of this very uphill struggle I am in. It brings me back to the depression I have to fight every day to keep going to my dream. I am in the same boat. Every of our friends has had their babies and moved on to their second in the last two years we have been trying. We are about to start surrogacy as it is our only option to get pregnant. Even our friends doing IVF have been successful and are starting on #2. Infertility is just unfair. There have been days where I can't even get out of bed. I am so depressed and of course those seem to be the times when someone else I know reveals their pregnancy. Or one better is when a coworker brings me her sonogram picture and brag about getting pregnant on her first month trying AGAIN! She is half way to #2! And we started trying for #1 way before she and her dh did. Not to mention we have spent ridiculous amounts of time and money on failed treatments. I am not sure how to make this better. I personally am in a place where I no longer want to hear it will happen when it’s supposed to or everything happens for a reason, blah blah blah. I cannot believe there is any good reason for infertility in a person that so desperately wants a baby and yet terrible people get pregnant so easily every fckn day. Sorry this is my rant. Bottom line... You are not a bit*h and not alone.

p.s. I didn't mean the way I feel is by any means the right or best way to feel. In fact I wish I still felt that this was happening for a reason or that my DH and I getting pregnant was even a good possibility. I just can't get to that place anymore. I really have lost most hope especially since it is never going to happen by any natural means. It will always take intervention which means I have to be willing to keep trying which I am just about done with. I would truly want to believe there was a reason for it.

This thread is like reading my diary. I was the last one of every group to get married. Friends from my town, friends my grade school, friends my high school, friends from jobs - all have multiple kids. I know people who were told they did not ovulate and got pregnant with no meds. I know people who had one ovary and got pregnant with no meds. I know people who got pregnant at 41 with no meds. I know people who had twins the first time they had unprotected sex. I know people who had 5 abortions and had kids with no problems - you name it. And I am about to HOST a second baby shower after all my miscarriages. But what can you do? A baby is a great thing. I can't expect people to apologize for a new life. I do wish they would stop complaining about their heartburn or sore feet or gas to me though. Then they say to me "Are you sure you want to do this to yourself?" And I think to myself - if I could live through my mcs then I think I can handle a little gas or sore feet. I think when I'm finally successful at this I promise not to complain to any woman in my life who is not a mom.

Seems like everybody is feeling about the same way I am. I wish I were in better spirits to start the New Year! My hubby and I have been trying to get pregnant with our first baby for 3 years now. It's been so frustrating! We have zero progress. We're currently seeing our RE. There are no good news at all… I think we’ll have to turn to IVF… I don’t know how I feel about it. And honestly I do not want to think about it now. We've been through some treatments before, multiple rounds of Clomid, a couple rounds of injections, 2 IUIs but nothing. Anyway, I'm so discouraged and hopeless. My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant a week after my last unsuccessful IUI. She's due in May, 10 days after I would have been. It's been so hard!! And what's worse is that we have two trips coming up in Feb and Mar where I'll have to see her with her big pregnant belly. I'm so upset and I can't really talk to my hubby. He just doesn't understand. Anyone have any encouraging words?

You are not alone in feeling that way. I can get envious to the point I stop following them on FB or even detach myself from them. The good thing is that I now live in another country where I won't get any baby shower invites. That's how I feel. I didn't even give my sis-in-law any gifts when she had her baby (just a 'congrats!'). So yeah, don't feel guilty even for feeling the way you feel! I do however encourage you to continue trying though and don't shell up in a hole with dark questions in your head. Stay strong and positive! You'll be a mom soon :)

Girl, same. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I try to remind myself that I'm not alone, but it feels like it when everyone else is getting pregnant (seemingly) easily. It's hard to want something so badly and see everyone else get it. Do what's best for you. I deleted my Facebook and I feel like it's helped a little bit.

Hi all! Thank you for all ur support and encouragement. It just gets so hard sometimes… As much as your family and friends try to be there, they just don’t understand. It’s almost like they tip toe round you. I’m sick of people asking me when I’m going to have kids. It’s always people that haven’t seen me for a while so I just change the subject unbeknown to them its killing me inside. I’m desperately trying for a baby, and dh that’s another story. I just don’t think he understands at all. I tell more about my thoughts and feelings to this forum. I’m so glad I found it. You've all been such a great support to me. Keeping you all in my prayers.

You are not alone. I can totally relate to how you feel. My cousin just had her 3rd baby on christmas holidays. We live in different states. At least I don't have to worry about seeing the baby often. But I am going out to visit my mom soon. She wants me to stop by and see them on my way out to my mom's. I declined the invite saying that she just had the baby and the last thing she needs is me and my two little dogs visiting. When the truth is that I just don't think I could handle seeing the new baby. Then there is my other cousin whose wife is due in June!!! You must be kidding me. Life is not fair at all!!! But we just have to keep faith that someday we will get the little baby that we so desire. Hun, you are not a bad person for feeling jealous. I can totally get it why you feel this way.

I just want to say that I know how much pressure infertility can put on your career and your marriage. The more invasive the treatments, the harder it is to take the failure. At least in our case I am the source. I think that male factor would have been sooo much more difficult on our marriage! After years of trying and failures depression is an inevitable conclusion. Pregnant women around us don't make this journey any easier, especially when they flaunt it in your face! The best treatment for my depression is to keep going and don’t stop no matter what.

I know I'm not ALONE and this site has been a huge support group from me. I feel that I'm alone in my everyday life which I'm sure is true for most of us on this site. I'm grateful to be able to go to all of you for support. I’m grateful I have such a great DH. Last year was a tough year for me and I often wonder how I get through it. The only thing that keeps me going is by trying to stay positive and happy for those who are close to me. It is not their faults that I'm having these problems. I know I will have my day soon. Here is my story… I don't have any problems getting pregnant, but I do have troubles staying pregnant. My first m/c was at 16 weeks. I went in for an u/s at 14 weeks and found the baby stopped growing at 11w5d but still had a hb of 168. The doctor had me in for a follow-up u/s at 16 weeks. This is when we found out I miscarried between 14 and 16 weeks. I had a DNC that day and a second one a week later because the ER surgeon left tissue behind. I didn't get my first AF for 10 weeks. Got pregnant again in August… At my 6 week u/s there was hb… Had a follow-up u/s at 10 weeks and found I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks. I can’t believe all that happened to me… This is so heartbreaking.

I am sure many can relate to you. Infertility jealousy is a thing! It isn't that we are jealous about others pregnancy news it's just that we feel sad about ourselves. It's completely fine. When I am going through such a phase I try to keep myself busy. So that I don't think a lot about the issue. I hope you are soon able to conceive. Sending baby dust your way.

I can definitely relate and you are not alone in how you are feeling. The feelings are completely natural and should be recognized. I am currently on an almost 4 year infertility journey. Unexplained infertility so it makes me even more angry and depressed at the situation. I have had to distance myself from certain family and friends because they lack the ability to provide appropriate empathy and support. You are never required to attend baby showers or other events that are too painful for you to endure. And if anyone questions or are mean about your absence at these events, then it may be a good idea to reevaluate that relationship. In this long journey, I am finding that I need to connect with others who are going through IVF or have achieved success through IVF. These connections can then become friendships as they can relate to the IVF process and struggles. But I know that all this anger/depression/sadness/negativity is not healthy and won't help the situation, so I would suggest finding a support group, IVF mentor, online boards like this one, or a licensed counselor. These resources will allow you a safe space to vent and get all those feelings out in the open. Then they can help provide direction on how to deal with these situations moving forward. Just know that you are not alone. Infertility is so painful every single day. There are many of us still waiting for our turn. I wish you all the best. Hugs!