Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group
Impulsive control disorder is the inability to resist an urge, temptation, or impulse, even when it may cause negative effects to the self or to others. If you or a loved one suffers from impulsive contorl disorder, join the community to find support and share your challenges with others who know what you're going through.
Check out my blogs.
teenwithtrich.tumblr.com
trichjourney.tumblr.com
*Feel free to ask questions.
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I miss when everything was ok. I miss when everything was just so normal.
Wasnt it beautiful when you believed in everything? And everybody believed in you?
When I was normal? And I was ok? Yea, that was when I was 5 years old. 9 years ago. Sometimes I honestly just wish my life was over already. All done. Over and done with. Dead already. When Im dead, I dont have to worry about anything.
I hate this. I hate this more than anything. Anything else in the whole wide world. Id rather burn in hell than have this disorder. Being completely honest. I want to be a normal girl. Who can do her hair in a normal way without having to hide anything. Who can put her make-up on normally without having to hide anything. Why? Couldnt this disorder belong to someone who deserves it?
All I was, was a little girl. Barbie was my role-model, and I couldnt keep my eyes off of the Nickelodeon or Disney Channels. And what happened? Ive ruined 9 years of my childhood with this crap. I am so scared that I will live with this for the rest of my life. I couldnt take that. I physically or emotionally could not take that what-so-ever.
When will life be over? Im ready for it already.
I feel like I am typing the same thing over and over again. This stupid blog is all I have right now. Im venting a website. Wow.
Im in a poetic mood.
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Does anyone ever listen to me?
Nobody can hear me screaming. Nobody can hear my cries.
Nobody can hear me yelling. Nobody gets my lies.
Nobody understands me. Im sick of this mess.
Try walking in my shoes, youd trip on the first step.
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Honestly, Im just having these thoughts. Thoughts like, why am I even here? Whats the point? Was I just put on this earth to suffer? Suffer from this puzzling, awful, terrible disorder? I look back at my old photos thinking Aww, what a cutie pie! That cutie pie was me. My life was happy. I was happy. I dont want to llive with this ANY longer! I am so done with it. Im honestly ready for life just to end. For this nightmare to be allll over. Thats one less bitch the world would have to deal with, right? One less freak. One less girl to be asked Hey, wheres the hair on your face? One less person people are dissappointed in.
Oh wait, Im already one less person the mascara companies need to worry about.
Trichotillomania has destroyed me. All of me.
-Bailey
teenwithtrich.tumblr.com
trichjourney.tumblr.com
*Feel free to ask questions.
*****************
I miss when everything was ok. I miss when everything was just so normal.
Wasnt it beautiful when you believed in everything? And everybody believed in you?
When I was normal? And I was ok? Yea, that was when I was 5 years old. 9 years ago. Sometimes I honestly just wish my life was over already. All done. Over and done with. Dead already. When Im dead, I dont have to worry about anything.
I hate this. I hate this more than anything. Anything else in the whole wide world. Id rather burn in hell than have this disorder. Being completely honest. I want to be a normal girl. Who can do her hair in a normal way without having to hide anything. Who can put her make-up on normally without having to hide anything. Why? Couldnt this disorder belong to someone who deserves it?
All I was, was a little girl. Barbie was my role-model, and I couldnt keep my eyes off of the Nickelodeon or Disney Channels. And what happened? Ive ruined 9 years of my childhood with this crap. I am so scared that I will live with this for the rest of my life. I couldnt take that. I physically or emotionally could not take that what-so-ever.
When will life be over? Im ready for it already.
I feel like I am typing the same thing over and over again. This stupid blog is all I have right now. Im venting a website. Wow.
Im in a poetic mood.
-
Does anyone ever listen to me?
Nobody can hear me screaming. Nobody can hear my cries.
Nobody can hear me yelling. Nobody gets my lies.
Nobody understands me. Im sick of this mess.
Try walking in my shoes, youd trip on the first step.
-
Honestly, Im just having these thoughts. Thoughts like, why am I even here? Whats the point? Was I just put on this earth to suffer? Suffer from this puzzling, awful, terrible disorder? I look back at my old photos thinking Aww, what a cutie pie! That cutie pie was me. My life was happy. I was happy. I dont want to llive with this ANY longer! I am so done with it. Im honestly ready for life just to end. For this nightmare to be allll over. Thats one less bitch the world would have to deal with, right? One less freak. One less girl to be asked Hey, wheres the hair on your face? One less person people are dissappointed in.
Oh wait, Im already one less person the mascara companies need to worry about.
Trichotillomania has destroyed me. All of me.
-Bailey
woow...u really sound like me when you talk ...you are like my twin !
Can you please please please go and talk to your school counselor and explain the thoughts you are having though? I am worried about the level of distress that you are having and really believe that you need to talk to someone immediately.
I am not sure if your parents are supportive towards you (I never had that luxury -hoping you do)...but perhaps you could talk to them to see about what they can do to help and to get you into counseling.
You are still very young and may absolutely not have to live with this for much longer.
And please remember like the first person replied to you said..."this is just one aspect of you"....it is so true. The key I have found to surviving this as long as I have is to not maximize the disorder if someone brings it up -tell them you have alopecia or allergies...just don't let them see you sweat. While you are dying inside when someone makes a remark, you can get people to stop in the tracks if you don't act phased and can say it is something else (I wish I could have known about alopecia years ago). I'm not an advocate for lying, but in this case (at least for me), it is not hurting anyone -it is just a matter of survival for me.
PLUS, I have found the best thing to do (even when you are dying inside) is to put a smile on your face and just focus on other people. Be the nicest person you can be and you will be known for your beauty inside and out.
I don't want you to live how I did for so long...it just isn't worth it. I'd do ANYTHING to go back to 14 now...you have the whole world ahead of you and everything is going to be ok. I just want you to get some help as things have changed since I was your age with this disorder (no one knew it was a disorder -I was just "bad").
Don't let anyone else steal your joy....
For example, I am brilliant. I ask way too many questions. I have a 4.0. I want to be an astronaut. I love old music. I'm a poor college kid, working hard to get through school. I am slowly becoming a scientist. I always have a smile on my face. I really need to start running again. I eat gigantic mountains of salad. I am awesome at Rock Band. And I pull my hair out.
Try your own version of that. It really helps put it in perspective.
I agree with eturtle, that most girls your age feel the same way you do. Teenagers all have their problems. Most of my friends in middle or high school suffered from disordered eating, to some extent (including me). I knew a lot of kids who cut themselves, simply because their grades were never good enough or because they went through bad relationships. I knew people who wrote journal entries similar to what you have here, wondering why they were cursed with acne. I'm not trying to trivialize trich-- I know firsthand how depressing and frustrating it is. But these feelings are completely normal, and it does get easier, I promise. Being a teenager sucks, but you'll move past it. I hope one day you can see that you're a beautiful, smart, strong girl, and hair or no hair, trich doesn't change that.
it is hard to think about, but there are people who love you for you and not your hair; even when it is hardto love yourself. you are very strong, ohhhh I KNOW u are a very strong person bc what you are going through is hell. what helped me be happy, which gave me the determination to stop (for a while) was to find something i loved. before my back broke and whenit finally healed i was a devout horse rider. My horse Heiry helped me through my trich whenit was at its worst. I found something i loved to do, ride and i was good at it. my advice: focus on something that is not ur hair. focus on a skill and praise yourself for your improvements. if you do this you will find something to love in yourself again. you will be establishing a new positive identity. find a sport, type of art, dance, writing, or a school club. it will help I promise. if you ever need to talk or turn into a venting website, you can always message me.
i am now a junior in college. i have long hair in a ponytail (i put it up so i cant pull or bite). and i can finally talk publically about my trich. trying to be happy with myself has given me the courage to confront my trich
- Caroline
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I would like to encourage you very, very strongly to go see a doctor. My younger daughter has trich, and my older daughter has OCD and depression. Of these disorders, depression scares me the most. My nephew had depression and at age 17 he attempted suicide. He got therapy and medication and he's fine now. My older daughter became severely depressed at age 16. I took her to see her sister's psychiatrist. She took Zoloft for about 8 months, and it cured her depression and helped with the OCD also. Zoloft did nothing for her little sister, but Clomipramine worked wonders for her. A year ago we were looking at wigs, she now has a full head of hair, as well as eyelashes and eyebrows. Please consider getting help for your depression, it is a very, very dangerous condition. You may also find help for your trich, so it could be a win-win for you...
http://www.dailystrength.org/people/538215/journal/2068299
I want to tell you that I know how you are feeling. Trust me girl...I really know. I have been doing this stupid crap for 11 years. Thats 11 years of my confidence gone. I got so so so sad that I stopped leaving the house...It got bad. Then I pulled even more. So I took a huge step and got on zoloft. I didnt tell the doctor about my hair pulling bcuz I dont want to end up a science project. Thats just me though. But I did tell him I was very sad and hated myself. Zoloft didnt chance me. But it helped me love myself again. I can look at mylself in the mirror with or without my wig and tell myself I am hot and look good. Talk to your mom or doctor about zoloft. Thank god for it cuz it helped me to be able to be happy again.