Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group
Impulsive control disorder is the inability to resist an urge, temptation, or impulse, even when it may cause negative effects to the self or to others. If you or a loved one suffers from impulsive contorl disorder, join the community to find support and share your challenges with others who know what you're going through.
#1 ..... the comment that made me depressed for 3 years
Most of the posts talk about our journey to become PF and how to deal with ttm or our success stories .
I feel that we need to talk about our bad moments as well as our success stories. It might help someone here. I know i learnt from the stories of some members here .
I'll post some of my experiences with ttm here every now and then and hopefully it might help some one.
I started pulling my hair when i was 12 . I'm not gonna talk now about the beginning but i'll talk about that part of my life that affected my ttm journey .
Back when i was around 16 , i used to do a ponytail with my hair at home to cover the bald spots. When summer vacation came with less stressful life . I managed to stay Pull Free for a good time and my hair started to grow back a little bit , i decided to loose my hair tie a little bit . I used to have a small bald spots here and there that are easily covered but there was one bald spot that when my hair grow up a little ,the hair started to stick out and i remember my mum saying to me" look what did you do to your hair , it looks really bad , it's better for you to cover it all the time" .
[[PS: my family and i never new that pulling hair is a disorder until i read about ttm when i was in college.]]
I remember i ran to my room and i was so angry and i pulled my hair so bad and i started to wear bandana all the time when i go outside my room. No one at home saw my hair for around 3 years. As i got used to cover my hair , i became careless about how it looks and i used to pull it all the time when i'm alone in my room studying , which was around 12 hours a day. I used to tell myself that i don't care how my hair looks , / as no one will see it/. But the fact we all do care about our hair . Because i used to care more about how people see me , i cared less and underestimated how my ttm is getting worse and worse. In those 3 years i was so depressed , i wished to die so many times but never done anything to hurt myself (except pulling my hair :/ )
Sorry for making this too long , but i wanted to share you this so that to be careful not to let anyone makes you feel less about yourself.
This part of my life was the part that broke me , it was not because a dear person commented badly on my hair . But rather because i let that comment to affect me so bad that i forgot my accomplishment of not pulling over a month. It was because i wasn't aware of my disorder and i wasn't secure about my look. By time i became aware of the nature of TTM , i'm learning more and more how to deal with it from everyone in this group and the most important thing .... i learnt how to love myself , and that if i decided to fight TTM i'll do it for me .
Remember , You are beautiful no matter what . Deal with your urges in the best way , do it for yourself and not for anyone else.
Everyday that pass PF or with less urges is an accomplishment , it needs time for the hair to grow back and it needs time to control TTM and not making it controlling our life. Start by loving yourself unconditionally .
Most of the posts talk about our journey to become PF and how to deal with ttm or our success stories .
I feel that we need to talk about our bad moments as well as our success stories. It might help someone here. I know i learnt from the stories of some members here .
I'll post some of my experiences with ttm here every now and then and hopefully it might help some one.
I started pulling my hair when i was 12 . I'm not gonna talk now about the beginning but i'll talk about that part of my life that affected my ttm journey .
Back when i was around 16 , i used to do a ponytail with my hair at home to cover the bald spots. When summer vacation came with less stressful life . I managed to stay Pull Free for a good time and my hair started to grow back a little bit , i decided to loose my hair tie a little bit . I used to have a small bald spots here and there that are easily covered but there was one bald spot that when my hair grow up a little ,the hair started to stick out and i remember my mum saying to me" look what did you do to your hair , it looks really bad , it's better for you to cover it all the time" .
[[PS: my family and i never new that pulling hair is a disorder until i read about ttm when i was in college.]]
I remember i ran to my room and i was so angry and i pulled my hair so bad and i started to wear bandana all the time when i go outside my room. No one at home saw my hair for around 3 years. As i got used to cover my hair , i became careless about how it looks and i used to pull it all the time when i'm alone in my room studying , which was around 12 hours a day. I used to tell myself that i don't care how my hair looks , / as no one will see it/. But the fact we all do care about our hair . Because i used to care more about how people see me , i cared less and underestimated how my ttm is getting worse and worse. In those 3 years i was so depressed , i wished to die so many times but never done anything to hurt myself (except pulling my hair :/ )
Sorry for making this too long , but i wanted to share you this so that to be careful not to let anyone makes you feel less about yourself.
This part of my life was the part that broke me , it was not because a dear person commented badly on my hair . But rather because i let that comment to affect me so bad that i forgot my accomplishment of not pulling over a month. It was because i wasn't aware of my disorder and i wasn't secure about my look. By time i became aware of the nature of TTM , i'm learning more and more how to deal with it from everyone in this group and the most important thing .... i learnt how to love myself , and that if i decided to fight TTM i'll do it for me .
Remember , You are beautiful no matter what . Deal with your urges in the best way , do it for yourself and not for anyone else.
Everyday that pass PF or with less urges is an accomplishment , it needs time for the hair to grow back and it needs time to control TTM and not making it controlling our life. Start by loving yourself unconditionally .
foundmyvoice
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I wish I could give you a great big hug. It takes so much courage to come to where you are today with your Trich. Not just because of the Pull Free streak (awesome job by the way!!) but because you have blossomed as a person, made peace with you just the way you are. That is something! I agree about sharing and grieving the bad things. How else can we be expected to move on if we can't work through them first? Stay strong my friend, we can do this together!
Trickster2011
Thanks for this great post Drttm. Loving yourself is key in beating trich, and I think us trichsters really need to work on that. I know I do, big time. There are occasions that when someone I love said something hurtful about my hair I pulled more. There are also times when they said good things that I pulled more too though. A strange disorder this trich.
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