Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group

Impulsive control disorder is the inability to resist an urge, temptation, or impulse, even when it may cause negative effects to the self or to others. If you or a loved one suffers from impulsive contorl disorder, join the community to find support and share your challenges with others who know what you're going through.

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K1986 04/28/2012

hey guys. So, i got an invite from this guy to go to the beach with a bunch of people to celebrate the end of the semester and learn to surf. I kinda want to cry. I really really want to go. I live in a town where I pretty much don't know anyone except for this one guy friend of mine. I have been wanting him to invite me out more with his friends and establish a group of friends here, but it hasn't happened. I have been extremely lonely and pretty much just cross my fingers that he will want to hang out from time to time because otherwise I just sit in my apartment by myself.

Going to the beach with everyone and learning to surf sounds like so much fun, but i have no freaking eyelashes or eyebrows! i always wear fake lashes and eyebrow pencil. The eyebrow pencil i MIGHT be able to get to stay on in the water by mixing some "waterproof" pencils with some spray i have that is supposed to make makeup waterproof. But i have tested everything and its not 100%. and the eyelashes are definitely not going to stay on in the ocean. So if I decide to go, I will have to accept that i can't wear my lashes in front of everyone, and my brow pencil will most likely need touching up throughout the day. I have no idea how noticeably weird I look without lashes on. Part of me doesn't want to go because it's so embarrassing. But I would also be so upset to miss out on a fun opportunity because I have freaking TRICH.

Me and this guy are not extremely close, but somewhat close. I have had a couple emotional breakdowns to him throughout the past year and he has handled them well, haha. Part of me is wondering if I should bite the bullet and just tell him about my trich, so that way he is expecting it and maybe can help me through it. The other issue is, I have tremendous feelings for this guy, so of all people in the world I don't want him to know about my freaky little habit becuase it's definitely not attractive to be a hair puller. But I really think it would make me feel better knowing that he already knows instead of wondering why i look strange. i don't know, i'm debating what i should do.

rttsmom 04/28/2012

I think you should tell him if you really want to continue being his friend. And if he isn't supportive about it, then you'll know he wasn't worth it. Tell him when you're ready. I've only told 2 of my friends about my trich and both of them didn't really know what to say, but once they knew about it, I felt better. You have definitely got to bring yourself out of the dark because being lonely sucks and you can't live that way forever. Good luck :)

deleted_user 04/28/2012

I know how hard it is to tell people about trich, esp people you care about becasue you dont want them to judge you or think any different of you. I have had so much anxiety telling people. Boyfriends/ guys you like are the hardest because you never know how they will react. I used to get so stressed out over that. but every single guy I have ever told was ok with it. My husband was like so? you are still you, and I love you. I say if you really see a future with this guy and you really like him, then tell him. I agree with rttsmom, if he doesnt accept it, then hes not worth your time anyway and he is just a jerk. I stil havnt told any of my friends because I dont think they would understand and I dont want 1000 questions. guys for some reason are easier to talk to. They dont judge like girls do, and if they do, then they are just jerks and you can do better. As for the beach thing, go if you feel comfortable. Like you said, you dont want to miss out on it, but if your not comfortable then make it a goal in your future. I have missed out on a lot of things from Trich, but I plan on doing them sometime in my future. Its totally up to you, your call. I care what people think of me too much which is something I need to work on, but if your not like that then try it. You can always leave. One time I went swimming with a bandana on and my friend pushed me in the pool and I came up and my bandana was NOT on my head and I went underwater until I could find it. I found it and nobody even noticed, but it was so scary for me. I know how you feel. Its totally up to you and if you can handle it, but if you feel you cant right now, that is ok too. you can make it a goal!! Let us know what you do :) best of luck to you. We are all here for you.

luleee 04/28/2012

hey. my opinion is a little different. i personally have told no one about my hairpulling. the only people i have told are my friends on here. I feel that no one would understand unless they are a puller themselves. when i think about telling someone, i think about how weird it would sound to a non puller to tell them what we do. (i'm sorry , i totally admire everyone here for telling friends and family etc.. i personally prefer to just keep it between my friends online here, who have helped me more than words can type (haha).
i would tend to tell him of my insecurity to go surfing incase anyone makes you feel insecure of fact that you have no eyelashes/brows.. asi guess i would be too chicken to tell him the real reason why i dont have any.. he probably wont ask why you dont and would just accept that you dont.! having said this.. i'm not sure that i would let trich stop me from going surfing.. you know, if people judge you for not having hair/eyebrows whatever, they are not worth it.. everyone has their thing.. whether it be trich, or other habits or insecurities. You should enjoy yourself while you can.. you DONT need eyelashes for surfing.. so please dont let it stop you.. and have a wonderful day and meet some new people .. and rremember we are so much more self conscious and hung up about how we look, that others probably wont even notice.. besides , everyone is going to be way to busy trying to surf rather than checking out each other eyelashes :-)
have a great time xx

deleted_user 04/28/2012

if u r not sure how he would react, or even not sure how u would react to his reaction... wait until u would be ready or ok to those reaction considering all sort of possibilities. i would say go to the beach and try to have fun, and wear a sun glass.

K1986 04/29/2012

thank you for all the responses. Yea i have been fiddling not only the idea of telling him, but also with whether i need to tell him EVERYTHING. He is a very private person himself, so I think if I told him just that I don't have eyelashes/eyebrows for a personal reason and I'm self conscious about it, I think he wouldn't push asking why.

I'm also wondering if maybe I should just go, and if someone says something about my lashes/brows for whatever reason just say something like "yea, I know. It's sorta personal though and I'd rather not talk about it." But I dunno.

Still have a few days before the trip, so I guess I'll just have to play it by ear and see what feels most comfortable.

deleted_user 04/29/2012

sounds like a good idea, if something should happened on the beach then you could tell them as much as you would like.

But most likely nothing will happen, often we make it worse in our mind. if something would happen, deal with it then, and have fun n the meanwhile.

Also, you will survive it if they did notice something, and most normal people wouldnt say anything to your face, knowing its a private thing.

K1986 05/03/2012

Update:

so i sent my friend a text before we arrived at the beach. My friend has noticed the fake eyelashes before, so I just explained to him that the reason i wear them is because I don't really have eyelashes at the moment for a particular reason that I didn't want to get into. And same for the eyebrows. And told him that I am really self conscious about it and worried about being seen without the fake ones on and worried that my eyebrow pencil will come off in the water, but that I thought it would make me feel better if I knew he was already expecting it and aware of it.

He didn't say anything in response to the text or while we were at the beach but sent a text after we had all gone home saying "I didn't notice the eyelash or eyebrow thing at all. No worries"

Not sure if maybe he didn't see my text until after the trip was over, but either way it was good to know he didn't find it noticeable or distracting or anything. Would have been nice to get a more supportive/comforting answer, but knowing this guy (he is usually very short when it comes to conversations about feelings), i'll take it!

And it felt so amazing to drunk my head in the water! I haven't done that in such a long time. And I got to learn how to surf, and it was a lot of fun!

And in other good news, my eyebrow pencil lasted!!!! I'm going to start a new discussion talking about the products I used for anyone who is interested.

Thanks for all the support guys!

luleee 05/04/2012

brilliant !! so glad that the trip was a success..
and i like his reply to your text too, concise.. and honest.. all that worry for nothing !!! ( and very nice of him to reply in a positive way ! yippee, heres to more surfinggggg

confidenticandoit 05/08/2012

WOOHOO! Nice result. I'm so glad you ended up going, and that you said something to your friend, and that he responded positively.

:)

I want to learn how to surf! I kinda learned about 10 years ago when I was 15, but I"d love to start again.

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