Hello. I know exactly how that feels cos I am there too. I have battled trich for many years, going long bouts without puling in the past here and there. But the last 8 yrs the pulling has got bad again, with short periods of having my hair grow back. Did well for a while coming on DS regularly and got 50 odd days in with no pulling. Then I stopped coming here and started pulling lots. I have been seeing a counsellor till recently (can't afford to keep going unfortunately - maybe later). Had to take time off work for a few mths and just getting back to work in a couple of days' time. Not looking fwd to going back to work at all. I have a mentally, emotionally, and physically stressful job. All the stress piled up on me - job, a horrible abusive childhood I went through after the death of my mother when I was very young, marriage stress with husband that does not treat me well etc. Have lived with abuse all my life. I think the tension and stress, past and present abuse, and inability to relaxe etc certainly is a big cause of my pulling. It started when I was 9 yrs old, 2 yrs after I lost my mother, when my paternal grandmother was so physically, verbally and emotionally abusive.

It is now 2:30 in the morning and I always go to bed super late. Major night owl. I am sure lack of sleep is not good for many reasons including being one of the triggers for pulling. But I think tension and stress is the main cause as you say, and emotional trauma, abuse, etc. I talked to the counsellor and the doctor about my trich and that is the first time I have admitted to my doctor. (I was embarrassed) First time admitting to a counsellor too (except for some sessions with a psychologist in the past). When I was really sad and stressed when our dog was diagnosed with cancer a few mths back, I stayed up researching for hours on the net about cancer in dogs trying to help him, learning about supplements etc. As I sat at the computer I pulled and pulled till I had no hair left. That was back in March, and my dog died that month and I was devastated as was the rest of the family. Still found myself crying yesterday about it. so what did I want to say to you ? ..... well mainly that I know how u feel cos I feel the same. Right now I have hardly any hair, tiny tufts and that is all :( I am wearing a bandana every day and so sick of it and embarrassed of how I look and worried someone is going to ask questions. Worried about going back to work wearing a bandana every day again. some people at work are rude and when I wore a wig some of them actually pulled at my wig when I wore one, and asked "Is that a wig or your own hair"? I would never treat someone that way. (they don't know I have trich - I have just said my hair was thin so I cut it short or shaved it ) Oh yeah, and I ate an EXTRA HUGE chocolate bar tonight and have been sitting at the computer pulling and telling myself I'm an idiot for doing it, and then continuing to pull. I think chocolate is also a trigger for puling. I have like you also been getting sore fingers from pulling so much.

My counsellor said not to blame chocolate and coffee (which I drink a fair bit of) as triggers, because it gives away my power. I know I can quit pulling as I have done it before. But I need to make it a lifetime of not pulling.

One of my friends on here messaged me and suggested I journal my thoughts and I think that is something I need to do. I think too much and worry too much , and then end up zoningcout with the pulling so I don't think too much and to release tension I guess. My counsellor said that it is not a fully conscious thing and I said but I am aware of the pulling, that I am doing it. But not sure how to explain it but she thinks it is not totally voluntary, that it is a way of zoning out and avoiding feelings.

Anyway, this is turning into a novel now so will close in saying that I feel for you cos I am in the same boat. I have shaved my head in the past too. I hate the fact that I have hardly any hair (again) and that soon it will be time to use our back yard pool and again I will have to wear a bandana in the water :(

I don't know why I stopped coming to this forum. I know it helped me not pull in the past. I will try hard to make a commitment to come here more regularly again. ( I know, have said that before and then I don't) But I will try again.

Maybe u and I could support each other with an email msg here and there. There are lots of good people on here, and I came on here after a long absence to find supportive msg's from a friend who cares. That was so nice to see.

This is a great place of support.

Keep coming back ! We all need each other. Take care.

I have been shaving my head since November :( I have the same issue,once I feel hair I can't keep my hands off. Luckily though you still look beautiful with a shaved head (: id say just keep shaving and try and still love yourself and realize it's not your fault. Keep your hands busy with a stress ball or something. I wish you the best of luck!

I ued to wear a bandana everyday when i would go to shool. I ddnt shave my head until after highschool. Just to avoid more embarrasing questions. The "why do you wear that bandana everyday?" question was bad enough. The mean kids at school would run up to me and see who could rip it off at school. I guess to see what i was hiding. Well they could have asked. im not afraid to tell anyone now. If someone asks me about the shaved head i just teach hem something new and get on with my day. It gets esier to answer questions. But its still so hard elling someone and seeeing there expresion. Well my moms waiting for me outside so i best be on my way. Good luck eeryone.

Hi,
I was going through that too. About 5 years ago I started shaving my head, and would have to shave every night in order to prevent myself from pulling. I had a harder time with the pulling cause in my early teens I started using tweezers to pull my hair out. And continued to use tweezers to pull so I had to shave often otherwise I would end up pulling the little hair that came in within 20 hours of shaving.:( I would wear bandanas and hats and then just decided to start wearing wigs. up until now I would sometimes try to grow my hair out but never lasted less then a month then ended up pulling out enough of my hair that I just said F- it and shaved my head again. At the end of December this past year I decided to start growing my hair again. And I was doing good for a month then something happen and I started pulling again. And I got 3 big bare spots. The first one I gave myself was about a couple weeks ago but the last two I did within two days. I hate myself for doing it. So I know what your going through if you ever want to talk messaged me. I would like to have a friend who is going through the same thing I am and maybe we could help eachother.