Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group
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I've been pulling my hair out since I was 11 (30 now). It's been most visible on the sides and top of my head where at it's worst I've had 6 inch square patches with no hair at all. I've had periods where it was more 'under control' if I've been away travelling etc, but I've never been completely pull free until recently. And certainly never anywhere near pull free in an environment with all the stresses, strains and triggers all of us deal with in our normal every day lives.
I see a lot of people on here firmly in Trichotillomanias clutches, but not many posts talking about peoples successes. I don't know if thats because people drop off the site when they are doing better, or because real success with this disorder is difficult to come by. There even seems to be a school of thought tabled by the likes of Beki0 on youtube etc that rejects the idea that a Trich sufferers goal should be to be pull free at all, and that instead they should focus on accepting / appeasing it. I have mixed feelings about this because it means accepting the idea that at some point you will have damaged your hair to the point that it doesn't grow back. That is ultimately the reality we face, and it's a reality many older sufferers are already dealing with.
Back to me. It's taken me 7 and a half months, but I'm now actually happy with my hair for the first time I can remember. I can wear it short (1.5 cm on the sides and 4 cm on the top), and the patches are barely noticeable at the sides, and not noticeable at all on top, I think it's probably the best my hair has looked in 10 years. But I have definitely caused permanent damage, the hair on the sides is not nearly as dense as it used to be, and it now grows in completely grey. Hair dye works a treat though!
7 and a half months ago I had reached a pretty low point, my pulling was probably as bad as it has ever been. I decided I wanted my hair back while I still can. I did a lot of reading, had a few realisations, and came up with a plan (which is constantly evolving) and I've been completely pull free since. These were my realisations:
1. In the same way an alcoholic is always an alcoholic even if they havent had a drink in 20 years, Im always going to have Trich. Im not going to wake up on my 31st birthday and discover Im cured. Its a precipice I will always be staring into. If I want my hair back Im going to have to learn to live in a world where the urge to fiddle with, isolate, and ultimately pull out my hair, is always there.
2. Trich is a specific behaviour disorder. It can co-correspond with lots of other things, (I eat well, play sport, am fit and healthy and dont suffer from depression / low self esteem / anxiety etc etc, but I know trich is wrapped up in / contributes to one or more of these issues for many people). The only time I ever sought professional help for trich I ended up being referred to some Freudian quack whos interest was mainly in finding a root cause. Even if there is a 'root cause finding it is irrelevant, to treat trich you must treat the behaviours associated with it. Be highly suspicious of the latest miracle supplement, hypnosis therapy, acupuncturist, lifestyle coach, or Freudian quack asking you about your parents Definitely treat the other problems, but also treat the trich.
3. I should accept the probability of relapse. The only time I have been close to being pull free was 11 years ago when I stopped pulling on my head for 9 months. I shaved my head and went traveling. I thought I was cured, and when I started pulling the first time I had a big assignment due at University, the disappointment essentially saw me giving up trying to stop for 10 years. Accept that relapse is going to happen, the key to getting your hair back is what you do when that relapse happens.
The plan that I came up with for myself, and which has worked so far, is roughly as follows:
1. I shaved all the hair I have ever pulled, and kept shaving it for 2 months. This is no silver bullet, when it grows to the point that you can pull it, the urges come back. But it does give you a few weeks peace to take stock and work on your plan. It also (for me) meant there was nowhere to hide, the bald patches are visible for all to see unless you wear a hat (I wore a hat for 4 months).
2. Treat the behaviour. If I was to break my trich behaviour down it would be my hand going up to my head, feeling it, playing with my hair, then isolating hairs then individual hairs in my fingers, gently tugging on them a bit and then pulling it out and inspecting it. The whole process is cathartic to the point that I have pulled a whole load out, before the guilt and hopelessness sets in. The key for me is putting breaks in the cycle at as many points as possible. Its difficult to do, in fact I used to think that pulling my hair was hard wired into my process for concentrating, and actually when I first started to stop I did find it difficult to focus on things at first. But this has passed, over the last 7 months I have probably dealt with more stress than at any time in the last 10 years, and I am still pull free. There are many ways to interrupt the cycle, and I think you should experiment with what works for you. One thing that I have added in the last few months that has helped is a kindof supervised play with my hair. Ill allow myself 10 minutes supervised play time where I get the catharsis of running my fingers through my hair, but the second I isolate a hair to tug on play times over. Essentially its trying to re-wire the impulse as the months go bye, and it seems to work.
3. Have a plan to get through the bad days. All of us have days where the urge just feels so strong that it feels like pulling is almost inevitable. You need to work out how to get through them. I dont know if its the same for other people, but there are some things that have always given me an hours break from Trich. Having a shower / washing my hair for instance. On the days where pulling feels inevitable I try and break them up. Have a shower, put product in my hair etc, anything to get a bit of peace and get through another pull free day. The key is recognising those days and taking action.
4. Have a plan for relapse. Just to add a bit of drama, I have a sealed envelope with instructions to follow if I have pulled. A sortof doomsday survival guide, written at the start of this process. Its essentially some words of encouragement with an instruction to shave my hair and start again. The key to getting your hair back is how you deal with relapse, catching it before you have done to much damage, and having the courage and will to start again at Zero days pull free knowing that even though youve had a set back you have made massive progress.
Anyway. Those are my observations, and what is working for me. The longer I go, the better my hair looks and the more space and time I put between the last time I pulled the more confident and happy I feel. Pull Free is possible, and is something we can all aim for. If anyone has any questions please feel free to get in touch. Trich is a false friend that convinces us we cant live without it. It will always manipulate and control us if we let it. We all deserve better.
I see a lot of people on here firmly in Trichotillomanias clutches, but not many posts talking about peoples successes. I don't know if thats because people drop off the site when they are doing better, or because real success with this disorder is difficult to come by. There even seems to be a school of thought tabled by the likes of Beki0 on youtube etc that rejects the idea that a Trich sufferers goal should be to be pull free at all, and that instead they should focus on accepting / appeasing it. I have mixed feelings about this because it means accepting the idea that at some point you will have damaged your hair to the point that it doesn't grow back. That is ultimately the reality we face, and it's a reality many older sufferers are already dealing with.
Back to me. It's taken me 7 and a half months, but I'm now actually happy with my hair for the first time I can remember. I can wear it short (1.5 cm on the sides and 4 cm on the top), and the patches are barely noticeable at the sides, and not noticeable at all on top, I think it's probably the best my hair has looked in 10 years. But I have definitely caused permanent damage, the hair on the sides is not nearly as dense as it used to be, and it now grows in completely grey. Hair dye works a treat though!
7 and a half months ago I had reached a pretty low point, my pulling was probably as bad as it has ever been. I decided I wanted my hair back while I still can. I did a lot of reading, had a few realisations, and came up with a plan (which is constantly evolving) and I've been completely pull free since. These were my realisations:
1. In the same way an alcoholic is always an alcoholic even if they havent had a drink in 20 years, Im always going to have Trich. Im not going to wake up on my 31st birthday and discover Im cured. Its a precipice I will always be staring into. If I want my hair back Im going to have to learn to live in a world where the urge to fiddle with, isolate, and ultimately pull out my hair, is always there.
2. Trich is a specific behaviour disorder. It can co-correspond with lots of other things, (I eat well, play sport, am fit and healthy and dont suffer from depression / low self esteem / anxiety etc etc, but I know trich is wrapped up in / contributes to one or more of these issues for many people). The only time I ever sought professional help for trich I ended up being referred to some Freudian quack whos interest was mainly in finding a root cause. Even if there is a 'root cause finding it is irrelevant, to treat trich you must treat the behaviours associated with it. Be highly suspicious of the latest miracle supplement, hypnosis therapy, acupuncturist, lifestyle coach, or Freudian quack asking you about your parents Definitely treat the other problems, but also treat the trich.
3. I should accept the probability of relapse. The only time I have been close to being pull free was 11 years ago when I stopped pulling on my head for 9 months. I shaved my head and went traveling. I thought I was cured, and when I started pulling the first time I had a big assignment due at University, the disappointment essentially saw me giving up trying to stop for 10 years. Accept that relapse is going to happen, the key to getting your hair back is what you do when that relapse happens.
The plan that I came up with for myself, and which has worked so far, is roughly as follows:
1. I shaved all the hair I have ever pulled, and kept shaving it for 2 months. This is no silver bullet, when it grows to the point that you can pull it, the urges come back. But it does give you a few weeks peace to take stock and work on your plan. It also (for me) meant there was nowhere to hide, the bald patches are visible for all to see unless you wear a hat (I wore a hat for 4 months).
2. Treat the behaviour. If I was to break my trich behaviour down it would be my hand going up to my head, feeling it, playing with my hair, then isolating hairs then individual hairs in my fingers, gently tugging on them a bit and then pulling it out and inspecting it. The whole process is cathartic to the point that I have pulled a whole load out, before the guilt and hopelessness sets in. The key for me is putting breaks in the cycle at as many points as possible. Its difficult to do, in fact I used to think that pulling my hair was hard wired into my process for concentrating, and actually when I first started to stop I did find it difficult to focus on things at first. But this has passed, over the last 7 months I have probably dealt with more stress than at any time in the last 10 years, and I am still pull free. There are many ways to interrupt the cycle, and I think you should experiment with what works for you. One thing that I have added in the last few months that has helped is a kindof supervised play with my hair. Ill allow myself 10 minutes supervised play time where I get the catharsis of running my fingers through my hair, but the second I isolate a hair to tug on play times over. Essentially its trying to re-wire the impulse as the months go bye, and it seems to work.
3. Have a plan to get through the bad days. All of us have days where the urge just feels so strong that it feels like pulling is almost inevitable. You need to work out how to get through them. I dont know if its the same for other people, but there are some things that have always given me an hours break from Trich. Having a shower / washing my hair for instance. On the days where pulling feels inevitable I try and break them up. Have a shower, put product in my hair etc, anything to get a bit of peace and get through another pull free day. The key is recognising those days and taking action.
4. Have a plan for relapse. Just to add a bit of drama, I have a sealed envelope with instructions to follow if I have pulled. A sortof doomsday survival guide, written at the start of this process. Its essentially some words of encouragement with an instruction to shave my hair and start again. The key to getting your hair back is how you deal with relapse, catching it before you have done to much damage, and having the courage and will to start again at Zero days pull free knowing that even though youve had a set back you have made massive progress.
Anyway. Those are my observations, and what is working for me. The longer I go, the better my hair looks and the more space and time I put between the last time I pulled the more confident and happy I feel. Pull Free is possible, and is something we can all aim for. If anyone has any questions please feel free to get in touch. Trich is a false friend that convinces us we cant live without it. It will always manipulate and control us if we let it. We all deserve better.
Over 10 months pull free now.
Hair is still thinner in the places I pulled the most, but you can't notice, I can wear my hair how I like.
It is still difficult, I still catch myself playing with / isolating hairs in my fingers. But I haven't pulled any out, and actually that last step feels more distant and alien as the months go by.
I've not had nightmares since I was little, but weirdly over the last few months, every few weeks I have a recurring dream where I start pulling hairs out, then wake up in hot sweats and realise it was just a dream.
Trich has always been a nightmare, but it took 8 months without it to literally become one.
I still expect to relapse at some point. But I now know it's possible to live without it, and ill be much better prepared. Ill never be back at square one.