Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group
Impulsive control disorder is the inability to resist an urge, temptation, or impulse, even when it may cause negative effects to the self or to others. If you or a loved one suffers from impulsive contorl disorder, join the community to find support and share your challenges with others who know what you're going through.
This is a mix of stuff. Just a warning.
So a friend of mine invited me to a pool party today (summer's finally here!) and, to the surprise of both myself and my mother, I went. No swim cap or anything. Just me. And I swam. I didn't really know anyone except the hostess very well, so it wasn't that awkward. It was odd because I took off my hat and everyone looked at me kind of funny, and then went about their business and never mentioned my half- bald head. And no one treated me differently or anything, and it was wonderful. I felt safe and happy- so so so so happy and accepted. The friend who invited me knew about my trich, but no one else did, and they didn't need to. It was very freeing.
Switching topics, over half my hair is gone, and I've been thinking for a really long time that I want to shave the remainder off to feel in control. I know the urges will come back once the hair grows back, but I want freedom, even if it's only for a little while, and I want to control my hairstyle for once. Even if that hairstyle is a lack of hair. People who have shaved their heads, was it worth it? Why did you shave, and did you feel like shaving satisfied you? Do you think I would feel relief, given my reasons, or would it just be discouraging? How terrible/ nosy were people about it? (It's worth noting that I would much rather have no hair at all than the awkward half- bald thing I've got going on right now- I hate my appearance and I don't think my self- confidence would get knocked lower by being totally bald.)
So that was my very lengthy celebration and plea for advice... Thanks!
So a friend of mine invited me to a pool party today (summer's finally here!) and, to the surprise of both myself and my mother, I went. No swim cap or anything. Just me. And I swam. I didn't really know anyone except the hostess very well, so it wasn't that awkward. It was odd because I took off my hat and everyone looked at me kind of funny, and then went about their business and never mentioned my half- bald head. And no one treated me differently or anything, and it was wonderful. I felt safe and happy- so so so so happy and accepted. The friend who invited me knew about my trich, but no one else did, and they didn't need to. It was very freeing.
Switching topics, over half my hair is gone, and I've been thinking for a really long time that I want to shave the remainder off to feel in control. I know the urges will come back once the hair grows back, but I want freedom, even if it's only for a little while, and I want to control my hairstyle for once. Even if that hairstyle is a lack of hair. People who have shaved their heads, was it worth it? Why did you shave, and did you feel like shaving satisfied you? Do you think I would feel relief, given my reasons, or would it just be discouraging? How terrible/ nosy were people about it? (It's worth noting that I would much rather have no hair at all than the awkward half- bald thing I've got going on right now- I hate my appearance and I don't think my self- confidence would get knocked lower by being totally bald.)
So that was my very lengthy celebration and plea for advice... Thanks!
The best thing is that when the hair starts to grow back it's mostly all one length so you don't have to deal with super uneven lengths.
If you've never done it, I'd give it a try. If nothing else it'll give you a break from pulling!
Having said that, I'm currently 10 months pull free and shaving it off and keeping it very short for a few months was the first step. It's no cure, but it's a great way to get started.
The strongest points for considering are very similar to yours:
freedom from the habit and all of the emotional responses that come with habitual pulling...anger, shame, guilt, frustration
The chance to break the cycle (with continued counseling and diligent supplement use)
The chance to change the energy of yourself....the chance to re-evaluate how you identify yourself...the chance to not just be about pulling...
I am doing my best to be supportive in a healthy way...as the mum of a young woman challenged with trich i am a bit of a lurker here.. so thank you for letting me be here
Tough one. I think most Trichsters usually spend a lot of time trying to hide the fact they pull their hair out / have bald spots. There is nowhere to hide with a shaved head. People are going to notice, some ask questions.
However, thats not the nightmare everyone worries it's going to be. People are pretty accepting, and I just told the ones that ask the truth. Most people don't ask.
I think you need to keep it short for a few months and make it part of a wider plan for it to work. The urge to pull it out comes right back as soon as it's long enough to grasp.
Even after a few months of shaving, the worst bit is about 3 weeks into letting it grow again. It looks terrible, the patches are still really noticeable, you can't see your progress, your hair is just long enough to pull, and the urge to pull it has come back. If you manage to stay pull free through all that, there is a magic moment about 12 weeks into regrowth when all that changes and it suddenly looks amazing.
I swear , my biggest concern/fear is her not being able to identify herself in any other way but 'a puller'...the psychology of this deal is really freakin' huge..
I posted about that ...kind of searching for some feedback from people who are living with this...but no one has spoken to it..i might repost..
I haven't pulled a strand for 10 months and the places I pulled for years are still thinner, and actually will probably never recover completely. If I shaved my hair off again now the first 2ish months would still be difficult because there wouldn't be enough surrounding hair to cover the thin patches.
I shaved my hair every week for 2 months before I started to let it grow out, partly to give it a bit of time to recover, and partly to give me time to work out how I was going to make it work this time. In the past I found it was just long enough to be able to pull it out again 2 weeks after shaving, which wasn't enough space for me.
In terms of the identity stuff. I wouldn't get too hung up about it. Treat the trich, and treat any of the anxiety etc issues that often co-correspond with it. If she's been doing it for a while it is likely something that she will always have to deal with in one way or another. I don't think there is going to be a cure any time soon, and I haven't seen much evidence of people having real long term success with the drugs / supplements. I think effective treatment really means giving someone a mental framework / toolkit they can use to fight it with.
I said this to someone else that messaged me last week, but I think the biggest new thing in how I view trich now is the probability of relapse part. If / when I pull again and end up back at 0 days, it won't be the pull that constitutes success / failure, it will be how I deal with it, how much I pull out before i catch it, reset and start again. I'm aiming for pull free forever, but I'd also settle with measuring long term success in the time between attacks, and how quickly I sort myself out to go again. I think that's probably the key to getting your hair back in the long term.
But also just wanted to say to kate that the symptoms and effects of trich have affected my life in various ways, but identifying as a puller has never been an issue. In fact I think it's probably quite helpful. I was 20 before I even knew it was a thing, and for a long time a believed that i'd just grow out of it / wake up one day and not want to pull my hair out. I sometimes felt it held me back, but never felt it was part of me or defined me.
These days I view it as something I will always have to be vigilant for and stay on top of, but if you are able to effectively treat the behaviour, all the other crap just fades away.