I need to preface: so, I have feelings for a guy friend of mine. He doesn't have feeling for me though (at least not to my knowledge) and on top of that, he was dating someone for a very long time and although they are broken up now, they currently still live as roommates and are still friends. No idea if he still has feelings for her or not. But either way, I know that things aren't ever going to go anywhere with him, so I'm trying to focus on just being friends and trying to ignore my feelings for him.

Anyway, since we are good friends, I know what his "type" is. He likes very natural girls, earthy types, red hair etc. He was talking about this girl on youtube that he likes her music, and he mentioned that he thought she would be cute but there was something about her face that he didn't like. I asked him what he meant, and he basically said that she looked unnatural and said "yea and it even looks like she's wearing fake eyelashes." And he made a face like he was SO not into that.

I wear fake eyelashes, EVERY DAY because I have no eyelashes from pulling, and it just kinda broke my heart to hear him say that. not to mention the fact that I am a very typical girly girl, makeup wearing, brown hair, lol... SO not his type. Even though I know i'm not his type, it doesn't bother me so much because that is just who I am. If he doesn't find me pretty cuz I don't have the look he wants, I can deal with that. But the fake eyelash comment just really struck home and made me feel awful. I don't wear false eyelashes because I want to, I wear them because I have to. I would love to be able to wake up in the morning and not put ANYTHING on my face and still feel pretty.

Not thinking, I said "whats wrong with false eyelashes? I wear false eyelashes?"
and he actually was surprised cuz he never noticed. So at least i guess mine look natural enough. lol.

It also doesn't help that his ex gf has really ridiculous thick beautiful natural eyelashes and eyebrows, which gives me all sorts of jealousy issues and makes me feel a little inadequate.

I also noticed that the two of them had gone to a natural hot spring together earlier in the week. And I wasn't so much upset at the fact that he still is hanging out with her, I was upset because even if he were to have invited me instead, I wouldn't have been able to go because I can't go in the water in front of people because my eyebrow pencil and fake eyelashes don't hold up in water. That is one of my big motivators to not pull...to be able to go swimming in public without feeling embarrassed!

anyway, thanks for hearing me vent. It's mostly just stupid nonsense but it upset me and needed to share.

As a silver lining, my feelings for my friend and my jealousy issues for my friend's ex gf have actually really helped me with my pulling. My eyebrows are a lot better than they have been in a while...they are still terrible, but i have some PRICKLY hairs filling in, and I'm hoping soon it will start looking normal. I have gotten into clipping the prickly hairs short enough that I can't feel them when I want to pull them instead of plucking them, but also training myself to try to get used to letting them grow all the way out. I have a BUNCH of medium length prickly hairs grown in which I haven't been able to do in years. Usually I pluck the prickly ones as soon as I can feel them. So progress!

My eyelashes are worse than ever, but hey, I guess one step at a time right?!