Do:
when you see me pulling or starting to pull, KINDLY grab my hand and kiss it or hold it (at least i'd tell my fiance that!) instead of yelling at me

Don't:
ask me why i do it or constantly tell me that you don't understand why i do it. i don't fully understand myself

Do: ask me what's bothering me if you notice I'm pulling. Usually it's just a release of some emotion so focus on the reason, not the behavior.

Don't:
-sound disappointed if I tell you/you notice I slipped. It's hard enough to deal with my own disappointment; I don't need someone else's disapproval riding on my progress either.

-tell me to just take medicine. There are other ways and I need to decide how to handle it on my own.

those are really good. maybe i should send to my bf. he never yells, but does tell me off when he sees me pulling at my eyebrows. and he often asks me why i do it. which i cant answer because i dont know

I agree.....if you see me pulling, nonchalantly take my hand and hold it in a romantic way. Then smile when I 'get it'.

When you know I'm stressing, give me extra hugs and loves. I really need it then.

Never yell at me. It makes me worse, not better! When I see your disapproval, it makes me worse, not better.

DO tell me tactfully when you see me in a potentially embarassing situation, like if I'm sweating and rubbed off my eyeliner. Warn me, instead of letting me figure it out the hard way. That is the loving thing to do.

DON'T tell others my secret!

I know you don't understand...neither do I. So just love me and keep your mouth shut! Don't try to tell me how to fix it because you don't have this problem and you don't know (exception for parents).

And please don't bring it up.

This is really helping!!! Thanks you Guys i really want to keep this going!!! Please tell everyone to add on!!! This will benifit everyone, I know its benifiting me!!!

-Ashley-

Do
Understand haircuts are a very hard thing for me...
Dont
Dont just tell me its a haircut, and not a big deal... Its so hard for me to have to admit to others that i have a problem thati cant fix....

bump

Do:
~ Be proud when I am pull-free (even if for an hour)
~ Kindly/gently remind me to not pull if you see me doing it
~ Just be there for me when I need help or want to talk
~ Accept me for who I am and what I do (Remember: I'm not perfect. I'm a work in progress)

Don't:
~ Yell at me when the damage is worse than before - I yell at myself about it already; I don't need you to join in)
~ Tell me to "just stop"
~ Force me to talk about it - it's an embarrassing/shameful thing already, sometimes I just want to act like I'm "normal" without anyone reminding me of my trich
~ Tell me that this will just "go away" (it hasn't for almost 10 years, I really don't think it's going anywhere)

This is really helpful guys. Thanks Ashley for starting this discussion!

I don't agree with knittinggrandma about not bringing it up. I actually quite like my trusted ones to ask how I'm going if they can't see for themselves... to me it just shows that they're interested, they care and they know that it's not just going to go away. This is one thing I actually told my boyfriend he could do, so I felt that I was not pulling for him and our relationship, not just for me... so...

DO:
- Ask me what you can do to help me and try your best to respect my answer and follow through with my suggestions.
- Take my lead on how to talk about it with me. If I'm making jokes, it's ok to be light-hearted. If I'm upset and disappointed that I've slipped, encourage me not to give up.
- Make some code words for if you need to point out to me that I'm pulling in public.

this is a really good idea. i like what i'm reading so far. it's defiantly helping me. thanks. :]

wow these are all great. this was a really good idea =]

This is awesome! :)
Do:
Love me no matter what
Ask me how Im doing
Take it seriously, Im not doing this for attention
Remember that I WANT to stop more than anything

Dont:
Be mad, Im already mad at myself
Ignore it, it makes it worse

I took a big leap and told my hairdresser about this and she was really cool about it. Then it became easier to tell people I trusted, and I find they just accept it. If they think I'm nuts they don't say so, they see that I'm trying my best to deal with it and they are supportive.

I like the suggestion to grab my hand and kiss it!

I really like this discussion too! One thing that my Mom does is clear her throat whenever she cathes me pulling. It's a good thing b/c she's not saying anything in front of anyone or yelling, but I hate it sometimes b/c that means she caught me.

Do: Be sincere when you ask me not to pull.

Cuddle with me and hold my hands.

Tell me that I'm beautiful.

If I'm pulling, Don't:

Tell me that I'm just going to be frustrated tomorrow when I go to do my hair. Or that you don't want to hear it if I'm upset tomorrow b/c I messed up my hair.

If I'm flipping out when I'm doing my hair, Don't:

Come in the bathroom and say, "it looks fine", when you know it doesn't.

Try to rush me.

One thing that my boyfriend does when he sees me pulling is he tries to plea with me in a sweet way. He'll say things like, "please don't pull, baby girl."

I tell my daughter that it is not her fault that she can not control this.
I tell her that she is beautiful, because she is.
I tell her that there are other people who pull like she does.
I tell her that I love her everyday.
I do not treat this like it is a habit that can be easily broken.
I do not pressure her to stop.