Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group
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Im 26 and have always dealt a little bit with loneliness, but it has gotten much worse over the last couple years.
Earlier in the year I had a situation with a guy that left me heartbroken, which made matters worse of course. And that hadnt been the first time my heart had been broken, so I was left feeling pretty desolate.
At the beginning of the summer I met another guy who completely adored me, but I didnt have the same feelings for him and he knew this. But he knew I was going through a hard time and so he stuck around to be my friend. We became amazingly close, he knows pretty much everything about me, even my pulling. He didnt care. Even when I took off ALL my makeup revealing that I had no eyebrows or lashes he still said I was beautiful. To be honest, I have no idea why I couldnt develop feelings for this guy because he was so great to me. He would hold my hands when I felt like pulling or just say kind words to make me feel better about any set backs. Over the summer I had made a lot of progress with my pulling because he was pretty much always around and he made me feel a better about myself. I became pretty dependent on him to be honest.
But eventually, he decided he couldnt keep seeing me because it was getting too painful that I didnt want anything more than friendship. I totally understood this, but at the same time I now feel not only completely alone again, Ive noticed my pulling is worse than ever without him around. I cant keep him around just to make me feel better about myself and to keep me from pulling without reciprocating his feelings, that would be totally selfish.
But now I feel totally helpless and looking back I realize that the times I have felt the loneliest are the times I have pulled the most.
Earlier in the year I had a situation with a guy that left me heartbroken, which made matters worse of course. And that hadnt been the first time my heart had been broken, so I was left feeling pretty desolate.
At the beginning of the summer I met another guy who completely adored me, but I didnt have the same feelings for him and he knew this. But he knew I was going through a hard time and so he stuck around to be my friend. We became amazingly close, he knows pretty much everything about me, even my pulling. He didnt care. Even when I took off ALL my makeup revealing that I had no eyebrows or lashes he still said I was beautiful. To be honest, I have no idea why I couldnt develop feelings for this guy because he was so great to me. He would hold my hands when I felt like pulling or just say kind words to make me feel better about any set backs. Over the summer I had made a lot of progress with my pulling because he was pretty much always around and he made me feel a better about myself. I became pretty dependent on him to be honest.
But eventually, he decided he couldnt keep seeing me because it was getting too painful that I didnt want anything more than friendship. I totally understood this, but at the same time I now feel not only completely alone again, Ive noticed my pulling is worse than ever without him around. I cant keep him around just to make me feel better about myself and to keep me from pulling without reciprocating his feelings, that would be totally selfish.
But now I feel totally helpless and looking back I realize that the times I have felt the loneliest are the times I have pulled the most.
i know how you feel, its part of your journey though, you cant let setbacks upset you, shake them off and keep strong. is there anyone youre close with that you can talk to? this was the only thing that got me out of isolation and depression: admitting my problem to my people (friends and fam) i felt very foolish after, but also very good, no one judged me or laughed at me, they were all understanding and very kind. find your people. if they are few and far between these days then just come back to this site, great people here!!. it has helped me and countless others, because we can relate to you and the things you go through daily.
remember this though: people have overcome this. you and I and everyone on this site can too. stay strong!
I understand fully that you didn't love the guy...And I understand that sometimes a person just knows they will never love a person..But I'm just wondering how you define love..The way I look at your post is..And I'm only giving you a different angle on what you posted..As a person who is trich free..I'm just using your post to get a point across..It might help somebody. ;))
This guy completely adored you over the summer and then walked away.How long was that? 4 or 5 months?
If he really loved you he could not walk away that easy.
I knew couples who did love each other but couldn't gel enough to have an on-going future together..They were great once it wasn't about day to day practical things.Reality kicks in more and more,day by day and they just couldn't seem to work together.So they broke up. I understand that break-up.It makes sense to me.
I hate to say it but, while there is such a thing as "love" at first sight..It's not real love..That's infatuation..It appears to me he was infatuated with you.Real love isn't so easy to get away from.He might have loved you deeper with time if you reciprocating his feelings..But if he left after 4 or 5 months..He didn't love you that much. That's reality...Of course he might be back..Then that's a different story.
You on the other hand appeared to be actually falling in love with him.It can take a year to actually truly fall in love with a person.
He appeared to be good for you and lowered your stress levels so you pulled less...As you said you became pretty dependent on him..That's the first sign of true love to me..Ok..so you didn't see the fireworks with him..Real love burns slow but sure.
I'd get this guy back for another while..See what happens.Remember no matter what happens..Chances are he will probably cope better than you if the relationship fails over time..All fair in love and war..And he ain't going to lose his eyebrows.
My advice to people on this forum who want to beat trich is you are going to have to be a bit selfish..One of the causes of trich is an over-sensitivity to your own and other peoples feelings.Trich sufferers swing from been totally into themselves with pity to been totally selfless and have total pity for others..Emotions need to be stabilised as much as possible if you want to beat trich...And not swinging all over the place. ;))
Use your appreciation-curiousity-openness combo on the folks around you.
Be with people who inspire you.
Everyday brings choices. Go after what you want.
Seek to understand others, help them understand you.
Counseling helps to have someone to talk to.
Basic human contact everyday helps with loneliness.
Volunteer work.
Art, expressing yourself with painting, clay, words, movement, dance. Seek art in all forms to move you.
Appreciate others artistry. Your own art will connect you to others.
Expressing Gratitude will always help you on your way of life's up's and downs.
I hope you feel better soon.