This is a tough noe. I told two of my boyfriends in the past. One gave me a similar response as yours and the other told me that he would stop bitting his nails if I would stop pulling out my eyelashes. LOL! I have been married for 3 years and my husband and I don't talk about it. Once before we got married I mentioned it casually and gave it an official name. He knows but he never says a thing. He never tells me to stop or even seems to notice when I'm doing it (I'm sure he does notice).
I honestly have to say that I definitely prefer it this way. I don't want this to define me in his eyes. It makes me feel disgusting and I would hate to be talking about it all the time. I like to pretend it doesn't exsist when I'm not being consumed by it. I deserve to feel normal sometimes!!!! My husband always tells me how beautiful I am. I don't usually believe him, but I asume that it's his way of reassuring me that he doesn't care about my missing hair.

I think it's uncomfortable for people to think about. There is no way they can understand, even if they try to be understanding. My guess is that your boyfriend was uncomfortable talking about it, but he feels bad for you. He probably hates that he is powerless to help you, because I'm sure he loves to make you happy.
I was really embarassed that I told my other boyfriends. I always regreted it. My husband is a possible borderline puller so I think I feel safe and I don't think he judges me.

I suppose it might be important to have some kind of dialog to make sure you don't marry someone who ends up thinking you're a freak and bugging you to stop all the time. Good Luck and much LOVE!!!!

I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months and we live together.. and about 3 months ago I told him about it.. and I showed him this group and some information on it. He understands that it is something that I cannot control and he supports me.
I think that you need to share information about it.. explain that it is something serious and you can't help it. If he cares for you he should want to know about what is going on with you and be there for you!

I have been dating a guy since last year. The first time we kissed, he started running his fingers through my hair...I mean....my hair PIECE. I nearly died. His finger almost got hung up underneath it on the front. I felt the need (in the heat of passion) to explain it's a hair piece. At that point, he could have cared less. But a few dates later, he asked me why I wear a hair piece. I hate lying, but I didn't want to tell him about my trich. So I came up with "I like pretty things." Wellllllll, that is the truth. He looked at me as though he didn't really buy it. And I remember one time when he came to my house and stayed overnight, within 12 hours he had asked me 3 times why I wear it. I thought I would die for sure. I felt like he knew what's up. I don't know how to tell him. My first husband was very verbally abusive and scorned me until I had no self esteem left, not just over trich but everything else. Divorced him after 13 years. Remarried several years later, and I made sure Numero Dos would never find out. Then we divorced over not being able to blend our families. I am not looking for Numero Tres because of my trich mostly. I can't go through all the hiding lash glue and lashes, never washing my hair when he's home, and all that crap. I'm already nervous with the guy I'm dating. We ride his motorcycle sometimes, and the helmet is so tight on my head that when I take it off, I'm afraid my hair piece is gonna come off with it. I gently pull it from the back. He watches with a grin too. ARRRRRGH! I HATE THIS TRICHOTILLOFRENZY.

I have never told any of the males I've lived with. I lived together witm the last one for seven years,and he never saw me with my hair down!
I think you are brave and that you should tell him more about it.
Its so depressing to live with this,you need the support from him,and he cant give you that if you dont tell him.But I do know how hard it is.
Good Luck!!

You guys, honestly if the men in your lives care about you and love you, they are not going to ridicule you.. just explain that it's a disorder... share some info on it.. There is nothing to be ashamed of!!

I agree with Pretty Mama. This is a really tough one. I know what you mean with the whole freak thing schpt. It's hard.... I feel like i can't really get close to many people because of my disorder. The guy i'm with now says he doesn't care. He thinks i'm beautiful with or without my hair (of course i don't believe him) When I wear a hair piece, or a bandanna, I always wonder what he's thinking and at the back of my mind i'm thinking he thinks i'm a freak. I recently told him about this support group. Ok... maybe it was a bad idea. LOL This was a no go zone before. I could not talk about it. Then i met all these wonderful people on here and it all seemed to change a bit. I think i'll keep quiet about it from now on unless he asks me.

A guy I dated in the past kept asking me and i never told him until oneday we were on a boat and he pulled off the hat i was wearing without asking or telling. Then he says, OMG YOU'RE BALD. i was mortified. I thought i was going to die. I cried big fat crocodile tears so needless to say, I am very cautious about the men I date now. I obsess over it too.
Good Luck!! xo
Alex

It is difficult to let people in about our disorder. Because as trichsters we do not want to be caught. It makes us feel aweful, akward, and upset, and personally that's why I think I've always used it as a defense mechanism. I tell people straight up that I have a disorder.
My boyfriend of a little over a year has known basically from day one, and the only simularity he can find with it would be being addicted to cigarettes. which he is and and I think is a valid comparisson.
The only thing that I can say that is good about telling people is that they can help with yourn trich. If they know you pull they can stop you. Or at least that has been my experience.
Hope that helps. =]

@ Pretty Mama: I think out of all of the posts I've read on here, this one has hit home with me the most. I know that people who love you will try to understand, but I prefer to have him think of me as his girlfriend who like running and soccer and Dexter (it's a great show, btw). I don't want to become defined by my disorder, and I don't want him to see it that way.

And truthfully, unless someone has this, they never really WILL understand. I think I might try bringing up again once and explaining how seriously it's affected me, and then just let it drop after that. Because one of the best things about being with him and my friends is that they make me feel normal. I have fun. I'm not defined by this weird habit when I'm around them... I'm just the me I know I am, if that makes sense.

I've already come so far this year in terms of pulling - I used to always, ALWAYS have bald patches, and now I have had a handful of days that WEREN'T pull-free in the past 4-5 months. I can't explain it, but I feel like this is a demon I need to face on my terms, and I think the people in this community can help me far more than someone who loves me and means well, but just doesn't understand. I'm so close to kicking this after almost 20 years of pulling... I just feel like I'm in a really fragile/fluid place right now. Hopefully it'll pass, and I can tell everyone that I used to pull my hair. :)

I wish you the best girl!

I never really thought about how understanding my boyfriend was.. he actually doesn't really bring up my problem.. he complains about hair being everywhere sometimes lol.. but that's it. And once when i was pretty zoned out and pulling he saw that I was in almost a trance and he snapped his fingers lol.. which helped because I became aware of what i was doing.

I agree that it's certainly tough, but I don't think it's something that should be in the background. I was with my fiance for 5 years (ex now) and he knew before we started dating because we were friends before that. On several occasions through the years I would try to have a discussion with him about how serious it was or how upsetting it was to me and he just blew it off.

As time passed and he continued in this manner I became pretty resentful. He had problems and when I was told about them I researched them and educated myself so that I would be able to be there in every way possible. There was none of that effort on his part. It made me feel like anything in my life that I was having issues with was of no real concern to him.

I don't feel that it's something that should define you, but at the same time, if the person you're with truly cares about you they should know exactly how Trich affects you and your life. How they deal with it from that point on is a testimonial as to how they will deal with other issues that may develop in the future.

Just my own thoughts from my own experience :) I wish you the best of luck and much happiness.

Most guys are stupid and dont understand that this disorder is a deep problem that hurts us. All the guys I've dated never talked about it. and my first boyfriend even told me I was a freak and that I was ugly and all this other crap, and I dated him for a year a half. Only one boyfriend told me that I was beautiful with or without eyelashes and eyebrows. I've told all of my boyfriends and friends about my disorder. One because its easier to tell them than have them ask, two because a weight is lifted, and three because their reaction will help me decide if I like that person anymore. If the person wants to brush a problem of yours under the rug and never speak of it again, it truly shows what kind of character they really are. If I was in your shoes I would attempt to talk to him again and try to help him understand the struggle you go through every day of your life and that you need him to be supportive and respect your effort to even tell you about it because its something you dont blurt out to a random person.

I live with my boyfriend also, and he's known about my trich before we met face to face. He doesn't understand it, and doesn't know when I pull but he is aware that I do have the disorder. I do believe that trich defines me in his eyes because I have to put makeup on every single morning and night before i sleep. I pull my eyebrows and eyelashes and right now I have none of either. I have never once let him see me eyebrowless, but he has seen me with no 'eyes' on lots of times. He wants to see it all off, and I try to get him to understand that I don't just wear makeup to wear it, like normal people do. I wear it to hide the nothingness. Theres nothing there, no beauty. He understands about why, and how the trich is an everyday thing for me, but he doesn't make anything easier by always wanting me to wipe all my makeup off. I feel so exasperated at times because I too wish I could, but I cannot. I get so angry when we have to talk about it because its like he forgets and I hate having to remind him that no, I am not pretty. The makeup makes me ME. I AM defined by trich in that aspect. But in every other way, I am still me, and I give him all the reasons to love ME and the trich gets put in the back of our minds.

If you are dating someone and you tell them about your trich and they react as if you are some kind of freak then they are not accepting of you as a person and they shouldn't be in your lives. You put your self down enough, we all do - so we don't need people who are not supportive.

The only thing you can do is to just simply tell the truth. If he doesn't appreciate you or care enough about you to care about your trich then he's not good enough for you. I've found that out after many years. I just got extremely lucky and met my fiance in college - a week into dating him (I trusted him completely, though then I couldn't explain to myself why) I told him that I have trichotillomania, and he already knew what it was, basically. He opened up and told me about his past as a narcotics abuser, and told me that as a recovering NA member he completely understood what it was like to have an addiction that you couldn't shake. He cared so much that he researched ways that I could quit and through him, I discovered the 12-Step Program that helped me quit.
So in the end, it's just best to be totally honest and out-in-the-open with trich, even though it's tough to say out loud. If a guy can't look past your addiction to see what a beautiful human being you are, then they aren't worth it and that's all there is to it :)