So if I'm wrong for posting this here please tell me. I just feel like maybe I might be understood but I'll leave that to you all on here. So just to let you all know yes I'm a prelationship everything mtf but I suffer from severe depression and childhood ptsd. I'm currently going through a divorce with a 2 year old son in the middle of it. I didn't realize how much he'll I put my wife through the last 2 years with me being so hateful to myself for which at the time I didn't know why and wasn't getting the help I needed that everything led to this. Now this may be the depression talking but I'm 100% sure that I'm a woman trapped in a male body that had to suppress the feminine side and build a male side that just never fit right or even felt right. But during my past I didn't know, I was being what I was told I was which was a man who needed to be one. Now that things have gotten where they are I started thinking that the best way to fix this problem which was me was to commit suicide. But after 6 months of intensive therapy I got a little better and it was only just recently that I'm transgender. But now that I'm finally finding happiness for me I still feel so guilty about what happened. I feel that once my wife finds someone else that I should and need to fade away from not only her but my son since I won't be really daddy anymore to protect them. And yes I would love to find someone I can love with all my heart but I'm afraid that maybe I should be alone. I'm a bit of a introvert and so I don't usually do friends and my social anxiety kicks in when I'm around strangers like malls and such so much I nearly want to cry. Even a couple peoplet I barely know will trigger me. I feel that I don't deserve that love and even though I want more kids that I shouldn't cause I'll just damage them like me. I don't know what to do. My old plan feels like a good choice but noone wants me to end my life early. So maybe if I live like who I should be waiting to die like that would be a good choice. What do I do.......