Unfortunately I really cant give you much comfort, she has put you in a position where you are going to have to make a choice. No offence but if she is putting you in this situation she most certainly IS NOT the most wonderful woman. That said she is doing what is right for her. So you are going to have to make a choice, go through and move forward for you and risk losing her while hoping she will back down, OR you can just follow what she wants and end up having a huge amount of resentment towards her as a result. There will be a huge number of things that are going to stand in your way on this path, you're eventually going to have to decide if it means doing what is needed or not. You (and she) need to understand that this path is not quick, it takes a very long time to get through it. IF you rushed at full sprint from start to finish and did everything as fast as humanly possible, the fastest you can complete is 12 months. I was in it for a decade. Add to it the uncertainty of how far you will go. You may start and go to therapy and decide that you don't need to go any further. or maybe you stop at hormones. Perhaps you go to presenting full time but don't have surgery. theres a million different places you can choose is a comfortable place for you. Fact is you don't know where that is right now. Life changes and goals change with it. So in the end, this is going to be a choice, live your life happy and do it, or feign happiness and do as she wishes and don't. its about you not her. It does effect her, and everyone around you, but it is about you. I wish I had an easier answer for you, but she drew the line in the sand, you have to decide based on what you know of her, will she actually do it? I encourage you to look at Mikas post, a person recently posted a note from the side of your spouce's. It is amazingly well written and it may provide some comfort or insight.

Micaylla,

You, as I, have had a very long time waiting for the opportunity to be yourself, and there are very real moments of something like panic for me and I am guessing for you in seeing the shortness of life and the fleeting opportunities to experience the freedom and joy of being yourself more openly.


That said, at 69 where you are and almost 64 where I am, we still don't have to panic that we are going to miss our opportunity to be ourselves. Every life ends a little unfinished, and we are in that loop ourselves along with the people we love.


Step One is to get yourself a counselor/therapist so you can hit the pause button and slow down your decision making so you mitigate damage as possible to yourself and the people you love but meet the needs you have to be your true self.


What happens after you arrive at step one hopefully is that you can look at the options for a transition that makes sense to you and works for your stage of maturity. EVERYONE, any age, has limitations on what they feel they need, and what is physically, financially, socially ideal and doable, and that wish list is something you will need to look at with your therapist (and maybe your physician), and if possible your wife will rethink her role and join you in that. It sounds like you realize that you need to be yourself in order to remain in the world, so I imagine with or without your wife's support you need to find a therapist and launch into exploring what transition needs to look like for you.

Transition is different for everyone, so no one can tell you exactly what to do. That is the good news...and also the bad news. The most hopeful thing I can share with you is that once you launch into transitioning, every tiny piece of progress you commit to and enact puts you one step closer to outwardly being the woman you already are inside. No cisgender or transgender person ever reaches every facet of self expression, but we can each wake up every day with the goal of being incrementally more honest about who and what we are. Some days that gets us a slap in the face, and some days we instead see ourselves in the mirror and have a quite wonderful experience instead.


You are the perfect age to be yourself. BE YOURSELF. Get the backup of a supportive physician, and a supportive therapist. Your spouse may need the same supports. If she can muster the strength to join you in this, all the better. If she can't, love her and let her go but do what you have to with the help of a therapist to salvage the real you and save your life.


The best to you in your struggle. It gets worse before it gets better, but you have plenty to hope for!


Liam