Quite a few on here have gone through this vary thing based on posts that have blown through here. In the end it comes down to the same thing in all cases. Which is more important? You can go ahead and live a life that is miserable and depressed if you wish, which is meaning staying with the family that is unsupportive, or you can choose to break free from it, start over and deal with the short term loss of that family and be who you are. Couple things to remember, if you stay, you stay. It is a fine choice and your profile lists you are 40 which means living with this is not something new to you, so you can just do as you have done for however long if you want, Life stays the same. If you choose to transition, you chose to transition. Once you start, you cant reverse, just stop. You have told your wife, you have some close, you will always have those experiences and you cannot undo them. You have had a taste and you want more and in that sense it is addictive. So regardless what you do in becoming who you are, every step is a step that cannot be undone.

If you chose to divorce, regardless of reason, your daughter is still your daughter. It is in her blood, the only thing that has to be decided is whether or not she is willing to accept you. This would be the case in any form of marriage split, not just one revolving around one being trans. She can legally choose which parent she wants to live with, she can choose most of her life at this point and in a year, she will be an adult, in all cases she gets to choose her level of interaction with you or your wife. There is nothing that changes that. If you have a good relationship with her and she is an open person, then she will accept you either way.

So once again, we are back to it becomes a choice of which is more important to you. It always comes down to this regardless of age or relationship status. We have to choose between our own happiness and the risk of losing loved ones. In some cases, the coming out is actually something that makes those loved ones happy because of the positive personality changes they see in the person, others cant get past some sociological non-sense reason they are against it. In either case, it is your choice, you have to choose what path you want to walk and how you walk it... in this case, with heels or without.

I agree with WyndWytch! If you decide to go forward with your transition, your daughter will still be your daughter, and I bet she will be supportive. When I came out as gay at 56 years old (I have been dating a MTF transexual for 7 months now), I was really amazed by the outpouring of support I got from friends and family. You may have the same experience. On the other hand, If you put the genie back in the bottle and repress your desire to transition, you may be unhappy and that is never good. By the way, your photo is stunning! You are very pretty!

Thank you both for your reply. Right now what i'm thinking is to ask my wife to see a therapist that specializes in transgender issues. My daughter is old enough and I know she will support me no matter what. It is not an easy situation. Either way ai will end up losing something, it will be either my marriage or my happiness. But at the end if I am not happy how could I make somebody else happy. Thanks all. And thanks geoduaolcom for the compliment.

Hello. I am the spouse of a transgender husband. I do not envy the position either you OR your wife is in. I have done so much reading and searching for answers and understanding, and I don't know that I personally will ever come to a point of total acceptance or understanding. It is SO hard to see it my spouse's point of view! That being said....I see how much he struggles. I see how much he hurts at times too. He (and I do not use this pronoun lightly, but that is who I have ALWAYS known him as for over 20 years of marriage) has always been an unbelievably compassionate, caring and loving husband and father. I cannot understand everything from your standpoint, so please forgive me, but I do accept and respect it!

A lot of my readings and wanderings have brought me to the conclusion that you will have a good amount of support when you make the decision to come out to all and possibly transition....I just emplore you....no, I actually beg you.....things WILL be very difficult for your spouse. We are very often left behind....in thought, in feelings.....in mourning for what we have and are losing. I know it may be an exciting time to explore parts of yourself you have never really allowed yourself to, but don't forget that person who has been there supporting you through not only the news that she was probably never suspecting, but throughout your entire married lives. It will be very tough. There are not nearly the resources out there for the spouses of the transgender partner that there are for the transgender person themselves. Just watch her, and be mindful of what she is going through as well.

None of this is meant in any way to be mean or ridiculing. I am going through almost this exact situation. We have been married for over 20 years, have 3 kids ranging from 16 down to 7, and we are working through these issues. We will probably be splitting up, but that doesn't mean I don't love him...I do very much. But we both know that we are not in a place with each other that may be conducive to the separate lifestyles we both want to live.

Good luck to all of you! I mean it from the bottom of my heart! My only message could just be to not forget, and to be mindful and compassionate of your spouse's or S.O.'s feelings. We will be hurt, but we will be okay! But sometimes we just don't want to be completely forgotten and might need a little support too!

I best advise I could give....be kind, compassionate, sometimes forgiving.....but above all, honest.....with both your spouse AND yourself!!!

I would love to give you great advice, but I am going through a similar situation. All I can think to say is love yourself, be true, and remember to continue loving your wife. She still loves you. Patience and time.

Hello , I am a 39 year old daughter of a someone who is going though a transformation . I read the chats and I see some of what my dad maybe going though. But I still don't understand and don't know how to feel. I cry everyday, because I am afraid to loss my dad, yes I know he will always be my dad but the truth is no he won't. At the end of all this if I do see him he won't look, talk, or feel like my father. I don't want to loss the man I know as my father, I want my father to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. I love my dad so very much

Need,

Love is about allowing someone walk their own path while we walk our own. I can understand why you'd want your father to walk you down the aisle and be the father you grew up with but I think you are having a hard time letting of the idea of your dad and what could have been, we all struggle with change and more so when it is out of our control.

However, there has to come a time when we accept this new situation and move forward. You will have a parent, not a father so why can't your parent not walking you down the aisle.

As I explained it in another post, it is a death of sorts for you so treat it as such, mourn it and move on. Who knows what can happen, it may be the best thing for the both of you. He will always be your parent just not in the way you expected, Give it time and eventually, it will work out but before that, fur may need to fly or not.

My sister and mother were not too thrilled with it at first but eventually they came around took a while but I saw they needed time to adjust and now we are closer because I can be who I am around them.

Hope this helps,
Wolf

I have been married for over 20 years and have several children. I realized I was Trans about 3 years ago and started taking MTF hormones without my wife's consent. When she found out, she was furious. I love my family and my wife, so I conceded, and stopped M2F treatments. Life has been a torment to me now. I have no one to talk to, and can't be real with anyone. My family is conservative Christian, and there is no room for understanding on the matter of being Trans. I hate the testosterone that is surging through my body. When I was on spiro, I felt so much better. Coming out and starting a new life, and losing everyone that I love is a terrifying thought though.

TessaLee,
I am not trangender (I am in a relationship with a MTF), but I can totally relate to your fears of loosing everyone you love. That same fear is what stopped me from coming out until the age of 56. I now realize that these fears I had were unfounded and I have not lost the ones I love (even my ex wife and I are still friends). It was not easy, or without tears, but now I have no regrets about being the person I want to be and life is new, fun and exciting for me.

I think it would be easier if I had a friend; someone who's couch I can sleep on when things fall apart. I was told by a trans woman that I need to put together a support group of friends that could be there for me when I come out. Unfortunately, I have been so focused on taking care of family for years, that I don't really have any close friends. I don't hunt, fish, or get into sports (no male bonding, which I think is sort of grose). I think that is all part of my femininity. and my wife is not going to be comfortable with me developing friendships with other women, which I would otherwise be inclined to do.