Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
I'm new here. I'm a 34 year old post-op transwoman married to an alcoholic man. I love him but we're headed for divorce because of his drinking. The first three years we were together he drank modestly. The last four years have been heavy - getting drunk between 3 and 6 days a week.
He hasn't kept a full time job; works retail part time just above minimum wage a few days a week. Days he doesn't work gets up at 1 pm or 2 pm and drinks until 1 a.m. Days he works drinks all night after he gets off. Drinks before he goes in. Goes in hung over or tipsy. No on probation at work as has shown up drunk or called out. Our marriage is sexless and has always been. On our wedding night he declared he wouldn't have sex as he had hang ups. Insists it's not cause I'm trans and he hasn't been cheating. When he's drunk he alternates between ignoring me and mocking and yelling at me. He's only been violent twice. But that's twice too many. I pay all our bills.
The thing that has kept me with him is that when he's sober I still love him and I'm terrified that if I leave I'll never find/ marry another man. We started darting in 2010. I'd been post op 3 years. He was only the second man I'd gone out with who hadn't freaked and broken it off when I told them I was trans. Although I only went out with maybe 20 guys during that time. Tell guys on the third date or so and always before sex or even kissing.
My question is for the women who date straight men. How and when do you tell? Where do you find guys? How's your luck finding men who accept you as trans? Should I stay with my alcoholic husband and just try to enjoy the sober days as leaving him will just leave me alone. That would mean putting up with the abuse and giving up on my dream of a family. We were going to adopt but I can't do that unless he gets sober. I've done everything I can but leave and he always promises to get treatment but doesn't. Four years of broken promises. I threatened divorce and gave him three months to get into treatment. He won't do it. He has taken to hiding his wine and that's about it. Thanks.