okay so I am a bit confused as to where the real items you are battling are coming in, however I will try to talk to what you have put in here in the different areas. By saying you love looking like a girl as a person can you explain that? If you consider the culture here in the United states the concept of "looking like a girl" has become very clouded. Women on a daily basis are seen wearing men's clothing, dresses, skirts, you name it, no one ever assumes they are anything but women. Some women have long hair, some have short hair, some choose to do their hair in cute dos, some wear it down and flat, some wear makeup others don't some shave their legs, some don't. so this is kind of an odd area and honestly you can dress however you choose and still look like a girl as a person. With the sex area, okay you are bi, not really a big thing there you just have more options than most and seem to have come to terms with that based on how you talk about it. You are definitely a dominant type in that you prefer to be in control of the action so to speak and again nothing wrong with that. So now on to the consideration of why. You like being perceived as feminine, but you want to be a gay male? Do you wish to remove your breasts? if so then you would no longer be perceived as female. Where I could understand the idea of having the equipment as you put it (my mate is the same way some days, she would love to have male bits though she is very much a girl) Its hard to say which way you would need to go. If you go gay male, then you would not have interactions with females any longer sexually unless you went bi male. which is a different thing.

So on the situation with your kids, how old are they? this will be a big determining factor in various aspects. If your children are young, say 3rd grade or younger, this really won't be a big deal to them at all and they won't have an issue adjusting as they grow. If they are older on the other hand it may make things more complex depending on how you raised them with regards to the ideas around LGBT matters. If say they were 15 and had no exposure, then they may act defiant to it, both because they are trying to learn who they are as a person and because they have no experience with this change you are talking about. In this case, its highly likely you will have some educating to do and work to do with them.

My suggestion would be that you try to find a therapist that can diagnose you. If you are Transgendered you will need this anyway even if you choose to not do anything as they can help you with several aspects and becoming more comfortable in your skin. They can also advise you on how to discuss it with your kids as well so it may be beneficial all around. Psychology today does pretty good with having lists of therapists all over the USA. It is by no means a comprehensive list of all of them but they do a decent job and it gives you a launching point. You will want to find one that deals with gender issues preferably however the most crucial part in dealing with a therapist is finding one you like and trust. If you don't you won't talk to them honestly. From there, dress as you want. you aren't going to get any crap from anyone. Tell your friends that you are sick of the old you and are doing something new being more comfortable and relaxed. People do it all the time and it is just a part of life. That way you can dress how you want and have no worry. If you and your therapist suggest transition then you have a long road, however I will say this, from what I know of the female to male surgery, it does not produce all that great of results. Hopefully a few of the gents in here can give you some details in that area I cannot. That is the best advice I can give though. Anyhow we are here and most of us are pretty open and nice so I am sure you will find friends here. Feel free to message me here as well if you like. Take care *huggles*

I don't like to be precieved female... that's where it gets all confusing. ilike what comes with being a female. I like the way I carry a baby and nurse him to feed. I like how once maybe twice a year I actually feel comfortable being a girl. so the main thoughts (yes there are many others but these are the main ones) becoming a man id have to give up the things I so cherish in my life (being pregnant and nursing) but being female I cant be comfortable with being with someone else. I feel like im lying and I feel dirty. even when I was with girls I never liked being called their girlfriends or liked them touching any part of me. when I was with girls id hide my breasts and always cut my hair short. not to fit in as someone once mentioned but bc I didn't want to be perceived as a female in the relationship. and im not dominant at all in bed which makes me sound like a nut I know but im not im actually very shy I do anything to cover my breasts. the reason I have sex with females isn't because I like what they have its more I like how I can act with them. I like putting on a strap on or other things like that and them not find it weird. my kids are very young 3 and 5. I have always been very open with my kids. I don't hide anything from them bc I feel that gays bis straights and everything else is just part of life. im the first to tell them he loves him and that's y they r together. my kids find nothing wrong with it.

yeah I think you might benefit from trying to just be you and tell them its the new you, you wanted a change from the old you and leave it at that. You should also talk to the gender therapist, as they will be able to diagnose you and make all the other needed interpretations and help you decide how you want to proceed. Your kids it sounds like, won't have an issue really with the situation both because of how you raised them and their ages. You will still likely have the same thing with having to use a strapon and so on, but there are guys out there who that wouldn't be an issue for. As for the dominant thing, I wasn't meaning that you are active and like a dom type, I just mean, you like being on top and having the control of the action so to speak. not one for just laying there and taking it :P I wasn't meaning like whips chains n swinging things style dominant. so yeah, therapist, try on a new you and see how you feel. it may be just what you need.