Transgender Support Group

This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.

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The double life dilema

clblack
clblack

So recently I was able to visit some of my friends and family.  I was able to present as my female self for three days in a row and I felt so comfortable and content.  After I came back home and started dressing as a male again I have been feeling really down especially after having such a good experience. I do not think I am ready to go full time with my job and with my friends in my hometown.  The back and forth feelings are difficult at times to deal with.  Any insight would be appreciated.  Thank you everyone.

andro-quest
andro-quest
It's good you have a family who supports you. In a way I guess I know how you feel, a few years ago I got to spend an entire summer in Vancouver it was so Awesome. Then when I got back to 'reality' I felt like I'd just made it harder on myself. My best advice, what's kind of getting me through, is books, trans positive literature. There's quite a lot available, especially compared to just a few years ago, and it's helpful to read a world that was actually written with your existence in mind; as opposed to one which just further alienates you.
clblack
clblack
Thank you for the reply. Yes I feel exactly the same way with the back to reality feeling. It's not that all of my reality is bad, and in fact there are many awesome things about it, but not feeling like myself in it is a big stressor. Thank you for the literature tip.
vibe2spirit
vibe2spirit
Could your recommend some of this Transgender literature? I'm very interested. I always felt Androgynous and like I am more fluid, but I definitely don't like feminine pronouns or to be referred to as a female. I get annoyed that people assume my gender, but I know that's the "norm" of the society we live in. I haven't been able to successfully conform to it. I've tried many times... But I haven't fully transitioned to make, because I feel more agender, but tipped toward the masculine.
vibe2spirit
vibe2spirit
*male
andro-quest
andro-quest
No problem vibe2spirit, there's 'Refuse, by Elliot DeLine' it's a fiction noire novella about an FTM who's kind of outside of his own trans-community, and 'Transposes, by Dylan Edwards' it's a graphic novel about several FTMs whom are all trying to figure out exactly what being 'trans' means for them, and (I haven't read the copy I've just bought yet) but Kate Bornstien's just re-written her earlier work 'Gender Outlaw' to 'Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation' and it looks like it more explores when someone doesn't feel either 'male' or 'female' accurately / adequately describes them. Hope at least one of those sounds helpful.