I am in a very similar boat. I am stuck unable to come out to my SO at all because we have been married for about 10 years and I have only just in the past few weeks come out to myself. FtM. I don't know what I am going to do about it either. I don't have an answer for you but I did not want you to feel alone.

I came out to two previous significant others and both were very supportive so unfortunately i do not know how that feels to have someone be un-supportive in that sense. It doesn't seem as though your "compromise" is much of a benefit to you as much as it is to her. You have to ask yourself if you can really "deal" with feeling uncomfortable and not truly yourself just to keep this person happy. If you feel as though it will cause you to feel more depressed or resentful then i don't believe that it is a healthy relationship for you to be in. You must be comfortable in your own skin in order to be healthy mentally. Being resentful will only cause more issues down the road. Have you tried talking to her since you two came to this "compromise"? If not i suggest trying to sit down and talk to her and explain your compromise is making you resentful and you really care about her and don't want to hurt her but you need to be who you really are. If she can't accept you for who you really are then you may need to decide to either be friends or lose an unsupportive person in your life.

That is a huge compromise for your SO to ask of you, especially since you have been honest and open about where you are at in life. In a loving, healthy relationship, you shouldn't have to be who you are not. The other person should love you for all of you, not just pick and choose. My Trans Sister lived her whole marriage of 18 years as a male. Trying to bury it for her wife and kids, tried to hide and run away from it, in hopes that it would go away some day. She became a severe alcoholic and had suicidal tendencies, depressed, high anxiety, never happy. Don't do that for someone else. Totally losing yourself for someone else, on such a huge scale is very detrimental to your health and way of living. If this person truly loves you for who you are, she wouldn't ask you to be anyone other than who you truly are. Love yourself enough to stand up for what you need in your life to be a healthy part of a relationship and life.

Bluesprite72 his S O started a relationship with a man if she wanted a female then that's what she would of chose to be with but ( like me) I fell in the love with a man NOT. A woman so I totally understand where she's coming from

Honestly, I think you are putting too much importance on the value of hormone treatment and gender reassignment surgery. I think you need to step away from everything, take a real good look at the effects of those paths, and ask yourself if you really need them. A lot of transgendered people throw themselves at the idea of hormone therapy and surgery without really understanding them enough to make a healthy choice. There are a lot of good online resources to help you out with making that choice. tsroadmap.com comes to mind for me. Personally, I decided that surgery simply isn't something I have any need of in my transition and that helped me a lot.

we all have struggles and I'm sure that a girl who sounds very nice will overcome this

Nicole COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE DON'T COMPROMISE YOURSELF FOR ANYONE DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MISERABLE FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE YOU CAN FIND ANOTHER WOMAN WHO WILL ACCEPT YOU AS YOU ARE AND LOVE YOU FOR IT

Hi Nicole, First, I think you need to reach out to a professional mediator ( a therapist/gender therapist). Then YOU can be helped to get to that place where you can TRULY decide where you are at and where you want to go. Bty, I meant for both of you to go to the therapist. If she doesn't agree to go with you, I would say that that is considerably significant in itself to give you a leaning towards the possibility that you and her may not be able to find a mutual place to continue your relationship. I know that these comments can get to be where they start to sound like a lot of the same old phsyco babble. But the bottom line is with being trans or being human, period, is that we, in the end have to live the life that we feel is right for us and not others. You are at that crossroads right now where you have a decision, one way or the other. That's the reality. This is real. You are feeling your love for her and you are feeling feelings of gender dysphoria. Hence the reason for intervention professionally. I truly hope you and her can talk earnestly, and privately and calmly as (adults) and be kind to each other in this situation. It's not easy for either one of you, Please remember that, that her feelings are her's and your's are your's. And here is my final interjection. Pl.ease have faith in God and his plan and path for both of you. My heart goes out to both of you. I personally know the pain of lost love, for what ever reason. It is painful and there are going to be tears and sadness. BUT, hopefully not regret. Sometimes we have to do what we have to do. My hope is, and I am guessing your hope also is that she can be helped to understand and also get to where she can accept you in your true sense of yourself as you accept her in hers. I hope both of you give this the earnest effort it needs and deserves and don't allow irrational flare ups to cause disdain between you before you come to that calm, loving, considerate and rational decision. I wish you and her all of God's grace and love and guidance in this. Leslie.