Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
So basically, I'm an 18 year old Lesbian and in a long-term relationship with my partner Andrew. We've been together for over four years and have been through an awful lot together, so no judging because of my age :-)
Andrew came out to me as female to male transgender almost 2 years ago, and I've been finding it increasingly difficult to deal with since. With me being so 'young', and it being such a seemingly uncommon problem where I live, I'm just kinda desperate for somebody to talk to about it. I've looked around for a support group on here which is specifically for family/friends of transgender people but I can't really find one? so I'm just trying my luck with this one. Andrew has transitioned as much as possible without further medical treatment such as testoterone treatment, surgery, etc...which he is now on the waiting list to recieve. I'm dealing ok with it but, he's not doing too great with the whole waiting thing, which is understandable.
Anyway, I'm just looking for anybody who is in a long-term reltionship with an FTM transgender to be honest, just somebody who understands a bit you know? because I'm trying to explain something to my parents on behalf of Andrew, that I only just understand myself. Just looking for advice so if any of you have partners or anything that would maybe talk to me or something? I dunno. Just anybody really :-) Thanks xx
Andrew came out to me as female to male transgender almost 2 years ago, and I've been finding it increasingly difficult to deal with since. With me being so 'young', and it being such a seemingly uncommon problem where I live, I'm just kinda desperate for somebody to talk to about it. I've looked around for a support group on here which is specifically for family/friends of transgender people but I can't really find one? so I'm just trying my luck with this one. Andrew has transitioned as much as possible without further medical treatment such as testoterone treatment, surgery, etc...which he is now on the waiting list to recieve. I'm dealing ok with it but, he's not doing too great with the whole waiting thing, which is understandable.
Anyway, I'm just looking for anybody who is in a long-term reltionship with an FTM transgender to be honest, just somebody who understands a bit you know? because I'm trying to explain something to my parents on behalf of Andrew, that I only just understand myself. Just looking for advice so if any of you have partners or anything that would maybe talk to me or something? I dunno. Just anybody really :-) Thanks xx
I think you could be better served if you looked for a support group not so much here on DS but out there in the world. You could contact your nearest gay community and ask if they have transgender groups and what types.
I understand that you need to discuss the situation you are in at the moment but I am not clear as to what those issues may be. I'm here if you need to discuss your concerns.
As for explaining your parents about your S.O, I'm afraid that's his job to do not yours. If they want to know, they'll have to ask him and he'll either want to discuss it or not, quite frankly that's also his right.
As far as his impatience, while it is understandable, it needs not to be an issue . He has waited this long, he can wait a little longer, in my opinion. Hurrying a process leads to nothing but hasty decisions and terrible execution of needed tasks.
But I will tell you this, and not to discourage you but if you indeed identify as a lesbian and he starts to look manlier by the day when he starts HRT and he is even behaving more masculine by the day, you may not wish to remain in said relationship. I have seen many a previous lesbian relationship break apart months after HRT.
It is the HRT behavioral results (quick to anger, impulsive behavior, linear thinking and secondary sexual characteristics) which influence that decision the most because the lesbian is attracted to the person as a female not male.
Not many are able to survive such drastic change and while the FTM feels slighted by this and gets angry about it, the truth is that there is no blame here, things have simply changed so drastically that the previous relationship paradigms no longer exist.
So here you have a decision to make, if things get to be too much for you, do the right thing for yourself, you have every right to do so. Support as much as you can but do not fall into codependent behavior and hang in there because you feel you have to.
If there is anything I can help you with, let me know. You can always drop me a message.
Hugs,
Wolf (FTM since 1987)
I am way older than you but new at going through a very similar experience. My partner and I have been together 17 years. 16 and 1/2 of those we were a lesbian couple. He came out as FTM 8 mos ago. We are trying to make things work-and being successful so far. He has had top surgery and is on T. Here is a link to a great article that was very helpful to me. Hang in there, and good luck. Remember -it is your relationship-you guys can define it anyway you want to.
http://www.forge-forward.org/handouts/Transpositioned.html
Good luck and let me know how you are doing!