Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
Okay so I can out as transgender to both of my parents about this past March. My mother and her girlfriend were fully accepting of it and told me they loved me for who I am. While my father he had a whole other reaction, I wear guys clothes of course and my father has threatened to burn my clothes and make me wear dresses. He asked me to explain how I felt like a boy and I told him I don't feel like a girl, I don't want to be a girl, I honestly want to be a guy because I feel more as myself and more comfortable identifying as a guy and eventually I will most likely go through with the transition. He told me that was what every other transgender was saying, and that its just a phase when I know it isn't. He has verbally abused me about my gender identity frequently, he uses it against me in agruements and has even used it against me infront of my best friend/ cousin. Im tired of this emotional and verbal abuse and need help im planning on moving into my moms when I turn 16 but I know it will wind up in a court battle. A few people have suggested support groups so I thought I would give it a try. So if anyone has any advice on how to deal with my father for the next few months it would be a huge help. In the mean time im searching for attorneys or support groups near me. So thank you for reading, I really need some advice on this.
I wish I had an answer to your issues but I think what your going through with you dad is something that will be solved over time. Some people have a very hard time coming around and sometimes they don't. If you think that you will be moving in with your mom then maybe avoid pressing the issue with your father until you are in a safer place. Don't get me wrong, be who you are! don't put your life on hold, but if he mentions it an argument just let it go. Arguing often only makes it worse.
Another option, if you do wish to talk to him then you may want to take the passive-aggresive stance. When I was arguing with my mother trying to make her understand I would often start with, "I know that this is hard for you, I get that". It may surprise you how it calms the situation down.
Of course sometimes that doesn't help. Some people just want an answer that isn't there. I'm sorry for your situation and hope this helps.
If you ever want to talk please feel free to send me a message.
With Love,
Hollie
When I was your age, the word transgender did not even exist, I grew up in a Latino household where men are men and sheep are very very nervous, where gender roles are not only enforced by the males but also the females and the best? Support groups were not only absent but they were not even created.
Why am I saying to to you? To make a point, I stood my ground. My father's family were the worst offenders but I cared not to listen to them, I knew who I was and nothing they could say coukd change it, in one ear out the other.
It is true that no one had to put up with verbal abuse no matter the source but it is also true we do not have to internalize it. So what would be your best option? Stop discussing your situation with your father altogether. If he insists just tell him you two would have to agree to disagree about it. Stick to your guns and do not allow him to drag you into an argument. It is not up for discussion and that is that.
Yet his question is valid to an extent, answering you do not feel like girl is not an answer actually. For me, I knew I was a boy from early on because I wanted to do boy things, I liked to hang out with other boys as another boy, I understood why they did what they did because I thought the way they did.
As I grew older, it became more difficult for me because I could not understand why girls wanted to talk all the darn time about feelings and the latest fashion. All I wanted to do was hang out with my friends and ride motorcycles and it did not matter if I got hurt or dirty. in fact, it was more fun that way
More to the point, when my father asked me why i wanted to be a boy, my answer was very specific, that I did not want to be something I already was, that I knew I was a boy because I wanted a beard when I grew older and I wanted to shave it every single day, I wanted lots of body hair, I wanted muscles and I wanted to be able to do male things because I did not know or cared to know what women things were and even more crucial it was this: I wanted to be a father and I detested the idea of giving birth to a child, wearing makeup or dresses. Anything that had to do with girl stuff I absolutely hated it because it was not part of who I was. Nothing he could say would ever change it because it is not that I felt like a boy, I KNEW I was a boy, like I knew the sun comes up every morning without fail.
Did that stop the harrassment? No but whenever he brought it up I would say, do you want to kill an hour and listen to my speech or do you just want to skip it because you and both know it is getting old listening to it all over again?
Hope this helps,
Wolf