Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
I am a mom of a 14 year old who has just told me that she wants to go by male pronouns and considers herself transgender FTM. I support my child regardless of gender and want to be supportive of the changes. We went and did the hair cut, I offered to buy clothing that is more male attire and respect the name change. But I question if this is a body image issue or if she really wants to be he. She has a very large chest that she has hated since they started growing and has never been one to want to stand out in a crowd.
My child still wares girl clothes, and doesn't want to get rid of them, doesn't mind if we call her by her birth name or the chosen name that her friends have come up with-that she seems to like.
i am in the process of setting her/him up with a therapist that specializes in this area, but I hope you all can clear this up for me. I'm trying to understand and support, but Im not sure what I'm supposed to do.
Now, I understand where you're coming from with the body image issues- Although that might not be the case at all. It could have been a type of wake up call for them, and I can only imagine the hardships it takes to be open about it. It's your call entirely, but I don't recommend taking them to a therapist. They might get the idea that you believe something is wrong with them, if it happens not to be a problem revolving around body image, and that'll put you in an uncomfortable position by miscommunication. Asking them upfront however, is better than taking them to a therapist without consulting them, although still an awkward move on your part.
All you can do is support, especially at this age. This is the time of self-discovery, and they might change their mind later on. I don't believe that anyone would change their entire identity over body image but that's just my outlook. Talk to them about it, if it's what they really want. If they say yes to that, then you can confirm that it isn't really about body image. I think they're fine, from a teenager's perspective. If they want to go by he/him pronouns, then so be it.
You are doing great; at 14 she is starting to come into his own, and starting therapy is a great start. I suggest you both check out support groups for lgbtq parents and kids.
Till u find one, remember u are doing great, just let your shield call the shots on what he is ready for. There are plenty of folks out there, that identify, but are not desirous of another step or just not ready.
Being affirming is wonderful, and be proud of yourself and your child. YOu have created a wonderfully safe place for your child.