Youre going to wonder if you are doing the right thing clear up to the moment they drug you to the point of not knowing what is going on anymore. Youre even going to wake up those 6 days in the hospital wondering. You will have days when you have to do the dilation and you will wonder because it is painful while you are healing. It's new and it is something that is not readily reversible so it is completely normal to have these self checks. Unfortunately that is about all I can offer you. What I can tell you is that the cleaning and such isn't that difficult. Just do as instructed and it will be fine, Infections can and will still happen, that's just life. I did everything to the letter and still got a small one at a suture point but it was minor. Healing from anything can go that way though. Just do the best you can, do what you can to check things. As to when your next appointment will be? That will depend on your doctor. I had appointments every 2 weeks offset between my surgeon and women's health (who dealt with my dilation and such) for about the first 3 months, then it was less and less for another 3 months, now I don't have another appointment for a year, which will be like January or something. They are office visits to check healing. That said, I have also heard of some surgeons just cutting you loose after the surgery and saying okay come back in 6 months unless you have an issue. So it depends on your doctor. Financially know that if you have a sit down job, you can go back to work after about 3 months... I went back after 2 and was miserable but I did it. I recommend in these cases, go to amazon and find their little U shaped toilet seat covers that have like 6 inches of padding. Hernia donuts aren't gonna cut it or didn't for me. that other thing was way better. If you have a more active job, you will be out for about 6 months, Walking is... okay, but lifting is going to be an absolute no go of anything over about 5 lbs, bending, squatting, things like that. Long and short anything that uses your abdominal muscles you wont be doing. Youre going to want to ignore this, but don't, you will risk blowing a stitch or doing other damages that are surgical repairs. so listen to the doc when they tell you how long to stay down. The issues with the other things I don't have a whole lot to offer other than, you are in luck because of the whole COVID-19 thing, there are lots of payment deferral things you can activate due to it that normally wouldn't be there and it may be worth your while to contact some of those places and say that you need to talk to them about lowering those or deferring them for a while and see how that all works. Might be able to help sustain you for a while.

Acorn,

I don't visit this site often, but was so touched today to come across your post.

I am a trans guy, coming up on my 4th genital reconstruction surgery. You have some intense experiences ahead that Wyndwytch can give you great encouragement on as a transgender woman.

I started treatment at 62 and am now close to 65, having had gender dysphoria from at least age 3. A lot of my life was impacted by fear of being found out, fear of never fully being able to really be myself, and fear of never being able to succeed in areas of personal and professional passion because of my gender mismatch and the social ramifications. For me, the biggest lesson , having at last addressed or continuing to address those fears is that the pain of not being me is bigger that the pain of surgery or surgical complications or ongoing discomfort that has to heal or be dealt with long term. I finally came to terms that even if reconstruction fails at some point, my personal victory is going to be in having tried my absolute best on the basis of what i know to be myself mentally, physically, and spiritually. If I make a mistake in any of those areas, i may get a new set of scars to carry, but they will be the result of my choices and not something forced on me by the world. I had some skin necrosis in a second surgery, and had to think about that a lot, wondering if i had been foolish to try to bring my body into closer allignment with my mind. The surgical results for me aren't perfect---matching a body where nothing else is perfect, either---but i am so much more comfortable with this male expression of myself than i was doing a life in drag to match my gender assignment at birth.

If you go ahead with your surgery, I hope you get huge relief from the psychological pain you have handled for so long. There are a boatload of logistical details to handle at this point about aftercare, and and jitters about surgery and expected pain. But in that package, also hope and excitement and rebirth. You can be as brave as you need to be, and make the changes you want. Make your best choices, but don't surrender your life to fear.

Best of health to you, Sister. Happy birthday in November.!

Liam

I thank you so much for your support,
so far I have managed to keep things in check even though things are still far away but you know how time flies the date will be here sooner than later.