Transgender Support Group

This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.

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killjoyaiden 06/08/2018

I've been out for almost two years. I'm FTM and pansexual. But, my parents won't accept that. My dad is a preacher and my mom is a preacher's wife, who was raised in a very christian household growing up. They are traditional, my mom more than my dad. My dad lets me talk about the trans stuff around him, and I can go to him with everything. But, he's still hesitant about the whole thing. I've tried to explain to him the reasons why having supportive parents is so important to someone who's transgender. He's still trying to open up, and my counselor (she's just your normal counselor-- not a gender therapist) brought him in one session to talk about the issue. He just doesn't see me as his son and therefore doesn't call me Aiden or by my preferred pronouns. He still calls me female terms (daughter, baby, etc) and I've tried to explain to him that this bothers me, but he doesn't stop. He says he just wants me to be happy, and I get this is hard for him, but I just want him to understand that these things I'm requesting would make me the happiest person. My mom is never going to be supportive of this, so I've given up on changing her mind. She's stuck in last century. But, I don't know how to help my dad out. Everyone told me that he just needed time to come to terms with it, but it's been almost two years. (September) Also, I don't know how to bring up the topic of me going by Aiden in high school. I asked him about it before the last schoolyear ended, and he said he'll have to think about it. I don't know how to bring it up again. It's just a very awkward thing to talk about. Help?

PaladinPidge 06/10/2018

So hi, parents can be a bit hard when it comes to asking them to change their way of seeing you. My own dad still uses female pronouns while the rest of my family mostly uses gender neutral ones (Mainly cuz I'm still figuring things out). And yes in some cases time can help, but sometimes it doesn't. I really hope that isn't the case. He may just have a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that his child is now someone else, even though in reality your the same you, you're just being truer to yourself. My dad is like that, i think hes just confused as to why his daughter, who has been a 'girl' most of their life whats to be something else. As for the high school thing, are there any people or friends who are on board with calling you by the name you want? Or even teachers?

WyndWytch 06/11/2018

So you listed that this has been 2 years. Have you changed your appearance and all yet? I have been in transition for 10 years now, am a MtF and I have not overly changed my appearance at all. My hair is longer, I have long nails, but I am a jeans and tshirt kinda girl, so I don't tend to wear makeup, or anything like that. Now why is that an important thing. So my parents still call my by my old name. they still say he, so on, and its not that they are trying to be unaccepting, its not that they are being mean, its not that they aren't trying. Its because they have an entire life of history with me that they have to rewrite and I haven't really changed which makes it a whole lot harder on them. It would be one thing if I showed up in a dress and heels, but I don't. So to them I am the same old me and they forget out of habit. If you dad has flat out said "I WILL NEVER CALL YOU X!" then he is doing it because he is unaccepting, if he hasn't said that then you need to understand its going to take a long time for them to rewrite history. You've known a long time, they found out two years ago... this means that for them if you are say 16, they have 14 years of history with an image of you and memories of you as their daughter they have to try to reprogram to their son. That is not an easy thing to do. There is also the whole overcoming god nonsense that plays into it too. Your dad sounds like he is legit trying and he is showing you the love a father should show their kid. Remember that and try to give him some patience with it.

AnnieToman 06/14/2018

i know it hurts, i feel your pain, the ones who should have your back dont,, they are your loved ones, the ones to protect and help you grow. my parents were gone before i trans, but my siblings are still here. they rejected me from the first day i told them, but since then i have shown my brother that Annie is a big improvement and worth considering. he admitted that. being christian, you have trouble there. your father has social status to uphold to his flock, he is really worried about how you appear to others but he does love you. i CANT SAY WAIT UNTIL YOU LEAVE HOME, your at the ideal age to transition. But be very sure of who you are. secondly to do this your parents need to be on-board.Maybe you can compromise with your dad, be his daughter on sunday then the rest of the week is yours.
Annie

killjoyaiden 06/14/2018

I don't know about teachers, but I have a whole group of my peers and friends that call me Aiden and by the correct pronouns. I'm going to see if my new teachers will call me what I want to be called.

My dad is the reason why my hair is cut in a boy-cut. My mom wasn't having it, but he said in the end that it's just hair, it'll grow back, and it would make me happy. I wear boyish clothes (I have one actual men's shirt that I wear. I had two, but my mom took away my button-up after I wore a tie in my last school picture and said I had "no self control." I asked her when she was going to give it back and she said she didn't know where she put it. Bye-bye the only dressy thing I own that makes me feel confident.) It's just easier said than done with the whole patience thing. I've been very patient and continue to be, but I'm constantly having panic attacks caused by dysphoria and my depression gets severe when I get a wave of dysphoria. I just want some progress because we've been where we are for the past year or so.

I want to be able to take hormones and have a proper transition, but I'm being forced to wait until I'm 18 to do anything. I don't want to have a learner's permit and driver's license, along with insurance having my dead name and saying 'F'. I want to be able to see a gender therapist, get the diagnosis so I can have letters I can use to give to the driving bureau so I have the proper letter and name. But, it'll take some time for this to happen, if it ever does. I hope it does. I only have three more years until I'm on my own.

PaladinPidge 06/15/2018

I know it can be hard dealing with Dysphoria, it sucks and can hit hard. And i know the saying "Stay strong" is over used because you have been. For years you have been strong in the face of everything going on in your life. That makes you amazing and awesome. I know you have a few years before you can be who you want to see, but right now you can still be you. Its not the same i know that, but having those supports at least with your friends will help, and you have all of us here too. You can still be Aiden.

As for the license I understand your hesitation. I wasn't sure of who i was when i got mine (I'm still not to be honest) and so mine has the me from before i started changing, ie very female. And i hate seeing it, but in reality you don't see it all that much unless you choose too. However, its just a piece of plastic, it does not define you. You are male. Your not that person that it says on the plastic. You are Aiden and you will always be you no matter what.

AnnieToman 06/25/2018

its sad when the person who loves you the most, sees you for what they feel you are not the person you believe you are. i even have mixed feelings my self since im a m/f trans. god i wish i was born in your body. the thing i hated most about being a dude was testosterone, its much different then estrogen, if you want to feel a lot less, and be much more aggressive then your right for it . you become a person in control , thinks more feels less, god i hated the shit. when i felt it go away it was the happiest day ever. Good bye testosterone, never want to feel you again. i believe your mother is thinking of grand children she will never have if you pursue your dream . most all mothers think that way. its a problem she has , feel compassion for her, shes your blood . before you trasition maybe have your eggs frozen and yused for others

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