Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
I came out as ftm in June to my parents and they still don't accept me. They won't let me wear a binder, come out at school, go by male pronouns, or cut my hair any shorter than a pixie cut. I am also only five feet tall and have stopped growing, I have wide hips, I have a really high pitched voice, and I have a round face so it is nearly impossible for me to feel okay with my body. My mom told me that this is all unfair to her and that she wouldn't believe I am a guy unless I gave her actual reasons. She told me that just because I feel like a boy doesn't mean I am one. Because of all this, I have began to become depressed again and I don't know what to do. I want to transition and I want to feel like my body actually matches my gender but my parents say no. If anyone has any advice they could give me that would be amazing. Thank you so much.
I know you would like to be accepted by your parents but often that does not happen right away, sometimes never so our best option is to accept that fact and make the best of the situation.
Right now, the only person you needs your full acceptance is yourself. Accept what is going on right now because it will not always be that way but for now it is.
When you grow older and become an independent adult, you will be able to carry out your transition. I had to wait until I was 30 to transition because at the time there were not transgender services to be had.
Perhaps, you could investigate where your nearest gay community is and then call them to find out if they have a transgender support group meeting there, so you can vent your frustrations in a safe environment.
Meanwhile perhaps you could wear shirt a tad larger to make you feel better. As an aside, family members have a hard time dealing with these issues because they are not familiar with them and it Is difficult for them to accept a situation that is unfamiliar to them. Perhaps in time, they may come around.
When I was young I used to keep a journal and it actually helped me because way back in the 70's such a thing did not exist but that did not mean I did not exist. I still wore my male clothing, I do recommend that you could choose gender neutral clothing to cheer you up a bit.
Lastly, though this situation is less than ideal, it is your defeatist outlook that is depressing you. Your thoughts about it are but the good news is that you will not always live at home, I hope even if you did, when you become an adult, you will be able to live your own life.
I do not understand how you wanting to transition has anything to do with her, but some people make it all about them, and what is so unfair about it? Anyway, some day you will be able to transition and that is all that matters
Meanwhile you could work on loving your body as it is right now, after all, it may change but it will not be another body after transition. Learn to love and accept yourself so that when you do transition, you will not have as a hard time adjusting to the rigid and rather contradictory male world.
Hope this helps,
Wolf (FTM since 1987)
I find it disturbing that your parents attitude towards your situation cause you to want to harm yourself. I understand that it hurts but it does not imply that you should harm yourself because of it.
When I was your age, I could not be who I was at home either, so I was me in school and with my friends. I was allowed to wear unisex clothing but not having another name. It is not easy but it is better than not being able to be yourself, at all.
Perhaps, you could approach it differently, instead of being angry that you cannot have your way right now, you can use the time you can be who you are and enjoy it and the time you cannot, to learn to love and accept yourself and when you leave your house, you will be able to live your own life.
As an aside, when we live at home, we have to abide by those rules and yes, they are annoying and, at times, we see them as unfair, but as we grow older we realize that we cannot always have our way.
I personally, think that them letting you be who you are, at school, is not a bad compromise, given that these issues are not that easy to deal with in a family unit. When we transition, anyone close to us, also transitions.
Wolf (FTM since 1987)