Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
Usually when one of my 'friends' circle on her birthday, we all will discuss a present to give and bring her a surprise cake. Last year, I give one of my friend a bracelet for her birthday. Its my birthday now. I expect they will give me presents or at least bring me a cake altogether to say happy birthday. But all I got is 3 message in my groupchat saying happy birthday. No one came to me and shake my hand. I felt so worthless and embarassed. This is the first group of friends i came out to and they ignored me. I'm so sad right now, I feel like they betrayed me when I need them. Some encouragement from them on my birthday would meant a lot for my confidence as I dont have much of it in this male body. What should I do? Should I leave them too because I think they are not appreciate me?
I read your post and sat with it overnight to give you an unbiased perspective. Then I read it again just now and noticed something and it is this: "I expect..."
Every time we do that, we are in for a huge disappointment while gift giving is a social convention, it is NOT an obligation. For you to expect it just because you did the same is a setup for self sabotage.
I think what you should do is work on your self confidence and validation from within, I think this is the universe trying to tell you that working on yourself is an inner job.
Take me for example, when my birthday comes just a handful of all those I know send me birthday wishes, mind you those are the people I care about most and if they forget, I do not hold it against them. It is not a necessary thing in my life.
Just because the world forgot your birthday or so it feels, it does not translate into worthlessness or embarrassment. It simply points to more work that needs to be done on oneself.
As Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your permission" In other words, instead of expecting others to care about you, appreciate you or love you, why do you not do for yourself what you expect to do for you? The irony is that once you start doing that, you will see how others do it for you, as well.
Wolf (FTM since 1987)
I think what you say might be true. I don't even ask some of my friends out on my birthday, why would they do that for me? I should probably love myself more so others will follow.
But just the thought that my other friend got their birthday celebrated and I'm not shows that I'm not as important or appreciated than they do. Isn't it make them a kinda bad friends? I dissapointed at them, I even be like don't care with them today. Yes its not their obligation, but it shows how they don't appreciate me or even love me. I'm thinking of finding a new group of friends but I'm afraid to leave them and no one by my side. Now, I be like pretending to be nice.
I understand that you are disappointed and hurt, but does it truly show how they truly feel about you because they did not acknowledge your birthday? Or are there other instances where that was also the case? If there are and this is the last straw, they by all means search for better companions.
But if you remain with them because you are afraid of being alone then you do not get to complain about their careless ways towards you. My mother used to say that it is better to be alone than being in bad company.
My option is to suggest that you start enjoying your own company so if you do have to spend time alone, it will not be an imposition or keep bad friends for fear of being alone.
It goes back to what I mentioned, working on yourself is paramount to finding worthy friends. What I discovered is that people will treat you the way you treat yourself. So by starting to treat yourself with respect and care, people who also respect themselves and others will find you.
Hugs,
Wolf
1) Silent unvoiced expectations can not be expectations...
2) You are feeling vulnerable as you have trusted a very deep issue and that makes for a recipe of insecurity already.
3) They may not know what to do or say and could still be processing what you have revealed to them.
I have just started on this journey myself, but have already been through so much due to my PTSD. Yet I know it is going to take a lot of courage before I can reveal my "secret" to anyone in the "real world", so to you I tip my hat, you are already a few steps closer then I am and I hope you realize just the fact you shared with them this intimate part of your life is HUGE...
I'm afraid right now, I'm over 50 and discovering this (long story), and I have two kids and a wife who has two kids herself.... What is going to happen when the #$%% hits the fan and I drop this bomb (or perhaps boo_ would be a better word - lol) on them, right now I wish I could just disappear and start my life as the woman I feel inside of me...
Alas, I don't want to hi-jack your thread, I'm just saying you are doing fine, keep your friends, talk to them, and help them understand your need for more security and uplifting from them as you go through this,
Rachel (Wow I actually signed as who I feel I am =D)
Rachel