Transgender Support Group

This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.

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Kokou_Kaga 10/14/2017

Welp. I'll begin by saying hello! Glad to be able to be a part of this community! My name is Harrison, and I'm at the ripe old age of 17. I'm also Transgender (the title kind of gives it away). I have an issue, but said issue isn't in the realm of coming out to my parents. You see... I have already done that. They took it relatively well, or so I thought. After I had told them, they started acting strange. They seemed saddened or depressed. I then asked if they were ok and they both had similar answers; not much sleep, thinking about things, worried for the future, worried for you etc. Essentially, my parents troubles lie entirely in regard to me and my own troubles. If that makes any sense at all. Now, because of school and other pressures, I decided to tell my parents that I would wait until I was done before anything further would happen. My main priority in doing this was to relieve my parents a bit. This didn't work. At this point, my parents are worried about me, and I them. I felt/am feeling terrible for laying down such a weight upon their shoulders. my parents would on occasion ask me how I was doing, and if I still felt the same. I told them "no, I don't feel the same way". This did the trick. It relieved them. Of course, I basically lifted the weight off their shoulders, and threw it right back into my own. This was ok for a while. I just didn't want to see them hurt anymore. Not because of me. But like I was saying, this worked. They were happier. I was content. Not anymore sadly. It's almost like a bottle of champaigne or soft drink that's been shaken up by a Gorilla who hasn't eaten it's banana. At some stage, the top has to burst. And here I am.

not long ago I basically said to dad "yo. I think I need to go and get therapy". To which he replied "oh? Are you having these feelings again?" I just said "yes". The reason I asked for therapy is that in Australia, anyone under the age of 18 must be diagnosed with gender dysphoria before being able to undergo transition of any sort.

we were going through a hard-ish time shortly after. My mother came down with an illness and I didn't want to tell her at that point for obvious reasons. Not until it was over. And basically, nothing's been done since then.

i know my parents will support me, but I feel terrible in regard to dumping this massive weight upon their shoulders. What kind of a son am I? A defective one? At least I know who I am. I'm pretty definite on that one. I am transgender and I will at some stage transition. My main issue is that I want to transition early. As in, as soon as possible. I want to transition before I start to develop more. I am by no means a large, well-developed boy (thank Christ, hopefully that will make things easier) but I want to start this before I may become so. I'm starting to grow quite a lot of facial hair, so where I lack in muscle and height I make up for in everything else. To be honest. I don't care about the repocussions. I care about my parents and my studies solely, and that's all. If my friends and classmates don't support me, quite frankly, f**k em. I've been raised pretty tough. I can handle a bit of societal backlash.

So, all I really need is a community. Some people other than my parents to support me. Give me the courage to just come clean to them, and selfishly try and undergo this thing. I know it will be a struggle for my parents but in the long run, the way I'm going mentally, this bottle is about to burst and will ultimately make things exponentially worse for them also. So do I just bring it up again? Start by asking for therapy and see where that leads? Maybe that's the best thing to do... that way it doesn't seem like what I am feeling is "set in stone", and along the way they can begin to understand me and what's going on with me. Good-ish idea? I basically need a bunch of people to say "yup. Good idea. Go do it." And back me up (not physically obviously, just verbally).

Anyway. Sorry for the big spiel up above^^ I wanted to make this relatively short actually. I have a habit of just letting my fingers run away with my keyboard. Anywho,

once again, glad to be here! Hope I can become a relatively helpful member of this group!

WyndWytch 10/15/2017

welcome to the group firstly. To your situation you should bring it up as soon as possible and get into therapy as you can. The reason for your parents behaving as they did is when you told them about your situation in their head they essentially just experience the death of their son and someone else put in their place. This will follow the standard stages of grief, which are generally denial, anger, depression, bargaining, and acceptance. Sounds like they are landing in the depression stage, but you have to teach them that you are the same person this is just a new element they are learning about you. You will need to educate them about the path, what it involves and all the details to help them get through it with you. The fact is that IF you started therapy today, you could not have any surgeries for a minimum of 1 year. You wont even get hormone therapy for a minimum of 3 months and that's even pushing it. It is a long road and you need to be prepared for that, you will need to educate yourself so you can educate them. As far as hormones go and body changes, you are already to a point where testosterone has done most of what it is going to do. Your voice wont change, the bone mass wont change, over years on hormones the hair will lessen on your body, but you may need laser or traditional electrolysis for your facial hair. Voice is not going to change, you will need to train your voice in order to make it sound right and this takes time. Muscle mass will lessen on hormones and it will make it much harder to lose and keep off weight. Its ultimately a long road from start to finish and can take a very long time or a year depending on you. I am on year 9 of my transition, taking it slow for those around me to be able to adjust. slowly caused less ripples and made it a bit easier and gave me time to learn all the things a normal girl learns from very young. What you need to make them understand is that Therapy itself isn't going to cause anything. all it will do is help you figure out what will happen down the road. You will have to do it to start and will have it through the whole process, but you can stop anywhere along the road, you may find you don't even want to start. That's the point of therapy. You have to understand, the weight is not the weight of the transition, its the weight of being worried about their child who they love. They are worried about your future and all. they will be able to get through it, it will take time.

DaysStranger 10/20/2017

I'm sorry to hear your parents are not taking it well. Hopefully they will come to accept it better later. :(

StarlitEclipsefl 10/20/2017

Hi Harrison. Have you considered that you could just take anti-androgens for the time being to slow down the whole situation and give you and your parents time?

That is take anti-androgens without the female hormones. I am sure that the doctors would give you that option.

Liam 10/21/2017

Young One, It is hard to be honest and transgender for many reasons, many good reasons, but trust these good parents you have and tell them what you have been going through and what you need.

I am a much older person in my sixties and have been transitioning less than a year. My. Parents knew, and I did not know they knew on so many levels. T. For me this journey has been complicated at his point because I am sexually mature as the gender I do not and havent ever identified with, and established socially as a school counselor with many individuals I need to establish or maintain trust with. Complicated.

The good news is even at my age and in my social situation I have not regretted a day---even a few awful days---of now beginning to be able to openly be myself.

You are a wonderful caring, bright young person. You deserve to be yourself and I think like me on most days that can be a grand adventure. In my country as yours this transition takes time and others can help you lay out expected steps logically. Telling parents, telling your doctor or couneelor all get you moving in a good direction.

I am now identified by strangers and most others as male and I am so much more comfortable with this self that I missed all my life until now. If you are a young woman on the inside, I hope you can start to move ahead so you have fewer treatment hurdles and more days of just being yourself. There are reasons to halt puberty and reasons to let it proceed and make physical corrections later. Those choices really benefit form having your parents join you in discussion with medical people.

Go do what makes sense to you, and relieve your parents that you can trust and be honest with them. No one else can be you. Be yourself. Become yourself and dont miss your blossoming as the young woman you are inside.

Liam

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