Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
Hi, I am a 45 yo biological male, female gendered, who has been married 23 years to the same woman, who I Iove dearly. After crossdressing for most of my life, I decided last year to tell her I am transgender and that I needed to address it somehow. I don't actually know if dressing sometimes would help to ease my gender dysphoria or if I would one day want to transition to female in all aspects (I didn't tell her that part.) When I told her I am trans, her first reaction was almost pity. When I told her I have dressed up in her clothing from the time we first got together, her reaction changed to disgust and confusion. Painful episode, for sure. I've spent the last year playing the macho part to ease her fears and I haven't dressed in private at all. I won't wear her clothes any more out of respect, but I plan on getting some of my own to start dressing again. I am only happy when I have feminine goals in mind. After coming out to her last year and her not being initially supportive, I stopped dressing up, ignoring anything self-supporting, including my exercise regimen (I gained 30 pounds last year, that didn't seem to bother her at all, at least self-neglect is macho in some respects.) I'm here to say hello and you guys and gals will be hearing more from me since I am starting back on my transition to wholeness.
I hear the situation you've been in. Wow: a tender space for both you and your wife. By the way, I do understand your use of her clothes...and I also understand her shocked reaction. If I had a male-female relationship and my partner revealed they've secretly been dressing in my clothes for ages, I'd feel rather creeped out by that...it's just a reorientation my mind would instantly be going through (Thinking to myself: "this has been going on since X date?? No wonder my clothes always felt too stretched out in certain areas...am I ok with this? Maybe I should just deny this in my head and pretend like it hasn't happened...) all that kind of stuff. Denial on both or either of your parts creates simmering suffering, right? I so wish you well, and of course your wife well too. You know, a lot of suffering is self inflicted, brought upon ourselves by overlaying religious doctrine and worry of societal shaming, etc. All fear stuff, versus, celebrating your partner becoming more authentic and desiring to shine as an expanded person, even in an opposite gender. Mind you, some people get jealous or fearful of a spouse who makes a new shift for the better in non gender things: a husband freaking out that his wife became hugely successful overnight, and he feels not worthy etc. Souls like us becoming more authentic and open about it, we are putting pressure on others to expand too. An interesting ride for us all, huh? Kind blessings, Jenn