Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
Hey, I'm Leah, I'm mid-20's trans female, and it's just been an awful year for me. I came out early last year, and from one thing to the next, I've never had the time or money or opportunity to start HRT. I'm gonna ramble a bit and word dump here to try and cope. sorry if that's not proper code around here.
So first of all, I have a partner, now wife, that originally believed she was hetero, and struggled coming to terms with my transition. I would tell her that labels don't matter, and that you can love who you want, and she'd end up agreeing, but now still she sometimes brings up how it would be easier if I wasn't trans, and such. I agree, but I feel like sometimes she'd prefer a male partner instead of me. She swears that she loves me and I do believe her, I just feel like I'm second best to a male option. I dunno, it's not my biggest concern, but it is one.
second, my dad got cancer just as I was discovering my gender identity. I was still kinda figuring things out when my dad had severe symptoms and they found cancer in his asophagus. he drank a lot through his life, and this is the logical outcome, but still I wish it never happened. He went through hell, and the procedure had so many complications, they eventually had to remove his whole stomach since it would start bleeding frequently. I love my dad, and I feel awful for saying this, but it kinda overshadowed my coming out. I feel like my parents couldn't be there for me because my mom was burnt out and my dad was, obviously, preoccupied. Even now, with my dad out of the hospital, his addictive personality has gotten him hooked on opioids, and my mom has been burnt out and needs to separate for a while. so I feel like I can't talk to them because of their own situation, and I don't really have a friend network to talk with about this. but honestly I do want this all to end and my dad to have a miracle surgery to have a new stomach transplanted, I just feel like I haven't been able to talk to anyone. I have started therapy, but it's expensive and can only go twice a month.
Third, just starting to transition hasn't been easy. I haven't started HRT, as stated before, not only because of money, but mainly this: what about children? My wife and I want to have kids, but estrogen has a high enough likelyhood that I'd become infirtile that they say I should assume I would be. we've looked into freezing sperm, but beyond the thousands of dollars it'd cost, we'd only get as many chances at kids as we can afford, and we're scared of miscarriages, or some problem with the actual procedure or anything. so right now all I can do is one of two options; wait and have kids, which we don't expect to for at least 3 years, probably 5 or more, or start estrogen and adopt, which neither of us want to do, possibly because of horror stories we've heard of adoption, but also just the fact that whole biological imperative. We don't know what to do, and I really want to start, but also want to have kids and it's tough.
anyway, that's my rant. thanks for reading, if you made it through all that. I'm not really expecting answers to all my prooblems, I just needed a space to say that.
Your parents, so that is a lot for them to be dealing with but you have to understand that you can still talk to them about what you are going through. They may not be able to help you but you can talk to them. You also now have here and there may be local support groups you could go to. The appointments being twice a month is actually pretty standard. They usually aren't weekly unless there's some major problem so even if you wanted to go more often you'd probably still be at once every other week.
Kids and hormones... okay so this one is a kinda complex one. SO you can make freezer pops if you want, but yes there is cost. Theres also sperm banks, she could still bare the child but wouldn't be your swimmers. Not sure how you feel about this option, but it is an option. The adoption which you covered. Now once you start hormones you have about 6 months before anything is permanent, So that's the first thing to remember, there is a testing period. From there, there is a couple conflicting bits of research in that some say that if you stop taking them, you will recover some virility, while others say you won't. Hormones will make you sterile while on them that is for sure. They can also make you impotent and that may be a more critical concern for later. So what I can offer you for this is a few considerations. Firstly... you don't have to have hormones to change your appearance, all you need is clothing, make up and all. So if you want to do that you can and you can still keep all your punch you just have more maintenance until the time comes. Second is you coming to terms with what and who you are. Once you can get to full belief in who you are, the hormones may not be as serious a worry for you. When you have kids it is going to slow you WAY down on transition because they are SUPER expensive. So that is something else to consider. Right now it may be better for you to work on the internal faith in yourself being a woman and focusing on getting a good career before worrying about the rest. You're gonna need money and a good amount of it for kids. Hopefully this gives you some more things you can think about with regards to all that. The kid thing is the main complexity based on what you've listed. Right now medical insurance under law in the USA is required to pay for trans care and meds, so the cost should be some mitigated but copays can still suck. I think you can do it, but you need to do some planning and the internal work.