Hi kperry, welcome to the site. It's good you've found the courage to explore this part of yourself, even if it's scary/difficult/painful/confusing; you know, the usual suspects. Anyway the best advice I can give you is try to find a counsellor, maybe through your doctor (if you're lucky enough to have one) or if there's a transgender organisation, or even just an LGBT friendly one, in your area they might be able to give the names and numbers of some good counsellors. One you feel comfortable and accepted by, so you can really define your identity.
Your identity is what it is, perfectly valid, and nobody's prevue but yours.
Complete support and acceptance,
Androquest

Thank you I have a wonderful therapist who is very accepting it's me that's having a hard time accepting it. I am suppose to go to a support group tomorrow and a friend said she'd go with me. I'm very nervous and don't want to go. I thought to myself I'm just going to go back to surpressing my feelings its easier but I know it's not.

Glad to hear it, I hope the support group went well; sometimes everyone's issues end up colliding, I've found there's this real core group of 'Rah! Rah! I'm an ALPHA-Man and No One had better speak differently!' sometimes in the groups and even in the written materials, which I've personally found really off putting in the past. I remember thinking, during one of my Last sessions with my FORMER dr. as they were giving me advice; 'great I've spent so many years pretending to be a woman I'm not, now I've got to pretend to be the type of man I'm not.' You don't have to throw any parts of yourself away just because it/they don't conform to the very narrow Masculine def.

Hi, Kperry, first of all, welcome, we're happy to have you. As for your current situation, beyond just general unconditional support for whatever you decide, my only advice is this: What makes you happy?
Perhaps an over-used piece of advice, but true none-the-less. What will make you the happiest, in the long run? Not easier, or better in the short term. If your trouble in deciding whether you are trans or not stems from a true uncertainty of who you, then I'd say that needs to be a serious topic of discussion with your therapist. If however, it's more because of the daunting task of transitioning, then I think that's more about deciding what you would rather do with your life.
Hope that helped in some way! <3

Thank for your comments. I’m discovering that gender is not so black and white I can feel more male that female but that doesn’t mean I’m transgender. I don’t know what I am. I’m just glad I finally got it out.

This is a very complex issue, for I struggle with it as well. I'm in the grey, but I do not like being feminized whatsoever. Even though I love and admire women, so it's not that I feel negative about feminity, I just don't want it to be associated with me. However, I haven't fully transitioned to make. I do tell some people not to use female pronouns when addressing me, and when I'm out, some people do think I'm a guy because of how I present myself. I wear my nails natural, and they are long...I feel lots of men do this...but if you're so-called "trying to be a man" then you have to be as manly as possible. I completely disagree with this. Prince was a man. David Bowie was a man. Michael Jackson was a man. Grace Jones is a??? I love ANDROGYNY...but why can't I be an androgynous guy? It feels like people try to sniff out your gender when they meet you, and they want to call it out and identify it. Someone will say "hell sir...oh wait...you're a girl, my bad...ma'am!" I hate being called ma'am. I love being called sir. That's how I feel naturally.

Femininity* male*

I do agree with you. I would say I’m in the gray area too. There is a big spectrum between male or female. I don’t feel like a women but I don’t want to be a man either. I have more male tendencies and I lean more that way. If I was told you have to pick male or female I’d say I’m a male but I don’t have to choose one or the other , it’s not so black and white. The most important thing is that we are comfortable with who we are.