So the past few weeks really since thanksgiving have been really shit. I have had some good moments like when I got the email back from the therapist saying that I had an appointment at the end of the month. Outside of the however it has been not so good. I managed to break up with my girlfriend whom I loved and still love dearly. But my family apparently loved her more than me or at least has made it feel that way recently. All of thanksgiving was jabs at me for breaking up with her and asking if I could still get her to come over. Like they were going to try and make things work between us. But the fact is they don’t know im Trans and the reason I broke up with her was because I know her feelings about trans people and after realizing I was trans and coming to terms with the fact that it wont get better unless  I do something. I had to break it off. Then my ex is still talking to some people in my family because she knew I was more depressed before we broke up so now im being forced into prying conversations with my family about why im sad, whats going on and why I am acting different.  Im not fully ready to tell everyone in my family yet and having them pry is just making it worse. I want to tell them everyday but im too afraid and don’t know how. Tomorrow I am planning on writing a letter at least to my mom so that I can have someone in my family know. But im still scared. Also since I went to school for ministry now im starting to get offers coming in about jobs in other states and I know that I cant  take it because I would just get fired any ways as soon as I started to transition which I hope will be soon because I don’t want stay like this for much longer. I don’t know what to do but I thought I would leave this post here because I kinda want outside input even though I don’t know if there is any to be had…