hello.  i am a female, but since about 5 - 8 or so thought it would have been great to be male.  i remember pretending i had a penis then and being mortified if someone caught me.  i never could wear make up, gossip with the girls. i have been bullied a lot and not really fit in and kept to myself mostly.  
But i guess being in a small town, i could never actually come out as male cause I got teased all my life even without that.  Though when i did date, I had a few relationships that recognized me as male and that was good.  Though I ended up more recently, with a man who i told him i felt male inside, and he said that if you want to be with me, you're a woman cause i'm straight.  and from then out, we didn't really talk about it anymore.   he is stable and good in many ways, which is something i had never really had before, and I just wanted it to work anyway, I even bought a book on how to learn to be more feminine (which I never could get myself to read, but i still tried).  And really in another way he does accept me for many short coming.  
i just decided it is better to hide that part away and have a normal life, but still it has always been sad to me, and i would till recently get very jealous when found others had courage to come out in some way and could be happy that way.  but now I don't, i mostly accept my life as a series of some good and some bad.  but still there are issues that come up, as i have been trying to push the envelope with my husband and be more 'aggressive' and male acting with him and he picks up on it and gets annoyed by it but sometimes he's okay with it too.  
also now i have 2 kids.  and i like that their life is normal and not encombered where they have to think there is something strange about their lives.  That has meant a lot to me.  
it is hard for me, so most of the time i try not to think about it all.  and recently i had been thinking about it again, being in the wrong gender in a relationship that really i have to hide it all the time.  i guess since my drives are manageable and not too high it is not too much of an issue.  i just started diet and exercise to see if i can naturally reduce chest and increase muscle though, as that is something subtle that would not get noticed too much.  which i am somewhat interested to see whether that will help the dysphoria feelings.  
I guess I just wanted to write this here, so that i am expressing these issues to someone.  I am very isolated in many ways, and also never had anyone to talk to about any of this.