Heartbroken,

I am going to try and answer your immediate concerns as I do not have pertinent information such as age. However, the first thing that needs to happen is for your son to go to a qualified therapist to get properly diagnosed and then be monitored by said therapist in conjunction with a endocrinologist during HRT.

Now, in my case I did not tell anyone in my family or otherwise until it was obvious I had been on HRT for a while and I was comfortable with not only telling them but also strong enough emotionally to deal with the potential rejection. My father's family, as expected, took it very badly which ended up being a huge favor for me on their part. My mom and my sister had a hard time adjusting but they did not rejected per se, it was just that we could not discuss it because they were concerned about intruding in my affairs.

So what about your family, you ask? I personally think that holding off making the announcement until he feels strong enough to deal with the aftermath either way. At times, people can surprise you. However, I think it would be wise to remember these folks' comments regarding issues of sexuality and gender to make an educated decision as to whether to even mentioning it to them. I realize there comes a time when the elephant in the room has to be pointed out yet it is always best to have one's wits about them to simply say, "Yes, it is the elephant and I am just fine with it. Any problems about it are your issues not mine".

How long does HRT take? It is a life long journey but its effects depends on dosage and physical attributes such a body frame, etc. Now, I hear you say that you never saw any signs of it before. Given that we live in an extreme sexist society, I am not surprised by the silence on the subject. Again, a good therapist well versed in gender issues can properly diagnose him.

I hope there are others MTFs who can further assist you on this matter but I hope I was able to, at least,clear up some of your questions.

If you have anymore questions, do not hesitate to ask.

Hugs,
Wolf (FTM since 1987)

Welcome to the DS support group, sorry I came in a little late. Not knowing the age of your child, the first thing would be a good idea to do some on line research to look for a gender therapist in your area, one that is licensed and specialize in "gender identity" related questions. No, not just any therapist, because they might not be qualified nor know what exactly what to look for. The benefits of seeking a gender therapist, can help you and your child dealing with coming out to family members, dealing with friends at school, and or work, whatever the questions may be. The requirements of months from seeing a gender therapist may vary, but should take no longer than 6 months. A lot can happen within those months, and enough time for the therapist to come up with a diagnose. After the 6 months is completed, the gender therapist should provide a letter stating what the diagnose is, and recommendation wither HRT (hormone therapy) is required. The following link may be of some help to you: http://lauras-playground.com/legacy/gender_therapists.htm

Thank you for the replies. My son is 22. He said he already saw a gender therapist last summer and was going to come out to us then but my husband had health issues.
We asked him to discuss with our family dr. Then get th refferal to endocrinologist.
I have asked.. Why did he never show signs... He said he had to hide it as best he could. I have no doubt it's what he wants. It's still hard to grasp as I am worried about the future and discrimination and not being accepted. It also hurts to find out you child has been keeping this secret for so many years and has been confused and had to hide.
We will keep it from grandparents and siblings for now. Once on HRT we will see how it goes and when to tell them.
He has told a few close friends. He is a student and doesn't have a permanent job so that isn't an issue at the moment.
I am looking for a support group that might help.