Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
So I'm a girl who is gay. I consider myself as a Stud, Butch whatever you cal a masculine women but anyway I never really felt like a girl and really despise being called a girl and being treated like one. I get happy when someone mistakes me as a guy because I feel more confident when myself like that is me. Before I came out well it was by mistake my mom actually found out I like girls. But even before then I never real felt like a girl not your typical female. Everything i like is male related! lol I'm just trying to figure out why I feel this way and I'm having a hard time coming to turns that I was meant to be a guy like this is who I am. What should I do and what do you think I;m going threw?
This is just my personal opinion but I think its important to realize that you are you. That may very well mean that your a girl who has a lot of masculine features and thats perfectly fine! :) My favorite hobby is building things, I work on cars, drive a truck, and love getting into the dirt once spring comes around. Im also a transwomen, so that shows you something about norms.
If you feel like you really should be a man, don't base it only on the things you do or like. Its more of an issue with what you feel comfortable being. And if you feel comfortable being a man, then go for it! There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You may find peace as a woman or anywhere in-between.
I would strongly suggest a therapist. The first one may not be the one for you, but after you find one you like, they will help you figure a lot of this out.
Whatever conclusion you come to, just remember that you have to be happy with yourself. Don't let anyone stray you in a different direction. Please let me know if I can help or if you want to talk.
Hope you figure things out
I agree with Holly's reply. Sometimes our gender doesn't reflect on the things we like and dislike.
Honestly, in the beginning I felt like I had to prove how masculine I was... turns out I'm a pretty feminine boy. I still have questions and am on the path to finding who I truly am. But I try not to focus on what is manly and what is womanly. I just do what I like.
Just be you. Your gender doesn't define who you are as a person. You are more than your gender.
But if you find that you are male, then go for it! I hope you have happiness and acceptance in yourself and find support around you.
Melissa
In addition to what others have offered I have a few questions and comments of my own.
No to pick hairs here but you say you are a girl who is gay, then you went on to say you are a stud/butch whatever one calls masculine women, okay however, I am as confused as you are, obviously so to weed out anything I have these questions for you:
1) You say you like everything that is male related, fair enough but do you have a hard time understanding other females, do you find them annoying and complicated? Do they always ask you what is wrong with you that you do not get them? Do you find the thought of wearing make up,going shopping for shoes or clothes equal to torture? Same goes for listening to them going on about their lives
2) Would you rather hang out with the guys and when they talk to you and discuss their issues, you get them. Would you rather be in a bar full of guys discussing sports or be in a bar with other butches discussing sports (you may not see the difference but it is there)
3) Do people accuse you of being too simple, that you can only do one thing at a time, are you easily distracted? When women talk to you, does your mind think about how long this is going to take and why is she still talking about something that happened a week ago when she sees the relevance but you do not and you see your life flash before your eyes
4) Do you have a hard time expressing emotions verbally. Do your sentences about them go towards the short but sweet angle as in: I am really ticked off or my favorite I am not down with this.
5) When you wake up in the morning what is the first thing that hits you, what you need to do and how long it will take or that you are not in the mood to get up. One indicated abstract thought (female) and the other linear thought (male)
6) When you date girls, do you date them as another girl or do you date them as a guy. Let me explain: Do you want to hug them all the time and talk about your day or do you simply want to hang out and do things with her.
7) When other guys mistake you as another guy, do they correct themselves after talking to you or they just keep talking to you? I ask because even though I did not transition until I was well in my 30's gay guys were always hitting on me, ever since I could possibly remember. And other guys treated me as one of them.
8) Which brings me to, when you were little, did you do boy stuff as another boy, did the other boys know? Did you play games with them and hung out with them as another boy? Did you have an innate aversion to female clothing? Did you scream bloody murder whenever you saw a dress coming your way and when you were ordered to put it on, you felt you were in drag? Did you use your father's razor and shaving cream and pretend to shave even well into your teens and wish you had a beard that you could shave all the time and looked forward to it? But most important, do you have a male name to go by? I had mine ever since I was 3 and I even kept a diary in my teens under that name and I kept it writing in it for years.
9) So what is this "feeling like a guy" looks like? More to the point, if anyone were to ask you or even more dramatic, if anyone were to say, force you to admit it, would you say without a shadow of a doubt you are a male? That you know with every fiber of your body that is what you are? That if anyone were to be asked, they would agree even if they were told different? I asked because when I was in my teens I led a double life and it happened to me all the time. My father's family decided to out me to the neighbors no avail, no one would believe them. I knew how to conceal my trouble spots well.
10) This is the most important, feeling like a guy, liking everything male while it can be an indication is not necessarily so. Hence why it was suggested to you to you that you see a therapist to clear up any doubts you may have. You may not be typically female, not one of us are typically anything.
What I am saying is this: Being a male is a constant, you wake up like that, you go to bed like that, you can go back as far back as possible and remember all the times you knew you were male, not just felt like one, and everyday at every hour and it does not go away and every day that goes by it grows stronger, like a scream waiting to get out. Something you know viscerally but cannot put it into words because the reality is different but you know you will find a way to bring it to fruition.
What I wrote above in the questionnaire are what some call gender markers, those things intrinsic of one gender or another, while not generic, they are not typical but they indicate the way your brain is geared towards. Either linear: a begets b begets c begets d, etc and the abstract which would fall into the why was it created in the first place, let's find out and if you are male, you'd say, let's not and say we did. LOL
Hope this helps,
Wolf (FTM since 1987)
for the (7) answer. No I do not correct them when they mistake me for a guy. It makes me feel good inside, like I'm being me. I hate when other people like my mom corrects then and say you know that's a girl right?
For the (8) question I already refer myself to a boy and I haven't called myself a man or male because everyone does not see me as that but I will let them think I am a man or male without even saying it
And for your conclusion. I believe everyone is diffrent and Yes I always felt like I was different and sometimes it takes discovery of the things you done in the past or always felt to discover what you always wanted to be if that makes any sense. Feel free to hit me a personal note anyone.