The first thing you need to understand about HRT (hormone replacement therapy) is that it doesn't change who a person is on the inside; patients take it to change their physical features, and there are no definitive reports that it changes one's sexuality or their love for a person - in this case, your daughter. Another thing to remember is that transitioning from male to female doesn't automatically make your future daughter-in-law (out of respect and lack of personal information, I'll refer to 'him' in female pronouns from this point) attracted to men. Simply put, not all cisgendered women are attracted to women; as such, the same can be applied to transgendered women. It is okay to be concerned for your daughter, and to have concerns for the couple's future. Your emotions are valid, and I'm glad you came here to ask questions, rather than immediately throwing negativity or doubt at your daughter and her fiance. I think it's important to remember that they are adults, and they will work through this together. If your daughter says she is happy, that she believes everything will be fine and her love for her fiance doesn't change with her fiance's transition from male to female, then you should trust your daughter's faith and confidence. If, down the road, things don't work out, then perhaps it would have happened that way, regardless of whether your daughter's fiance had come out as trans? Whatever happens, just be there for your daughter and her fiance in happiness, in sorrow, in celebration and in struggle. Right now, they probably don't need somebody casting doubt and forsaking the future of their marriage. Love them both, unrepentantly and without reserve, and celebrate! This transition may bring an air of maturity and peace to your daughter's fiance, and their upcoming nuptials should be something positive to look forward to!

If you need a confidant, don't be afraid to look into LGBTQ+ therapists. They can provide you with resources you might not realise you need and can be a sounding board for any further concerns our doubts you may have. I hope you have a lovely day, and I wish all the best to your daughter and her future spouse!

- Oliver

Thank you Oliver. Your words mean a lot. I think I will seek out counselling as I am still very upset and her brother has gone ballistic. I now have that to cope with as well.

I wish you all the best, OP! If there's anything I can help with, whether it be pointing you in the direction of resources/information, or even just annoying adorable animal photos to brighten your day, I'd be delighted to help. =)

- Oliver

Once again thank you Oliver. Last night I actually went out, it is nearly a year since I did so! I had mentioned this briefly to my son. I decided to leave my cell/mobile at home so I was not upset more. Did this work? No, it did not. My son remembered where I was going and rang the restaurant. He lives abroad and needed to talk to me. 45 minutes later, I had calmed him down sufficiently. He is absolutely wonderful and gets concerned about me being hurt. He messaged my husband (who is not his father) to ask him to make sure I was ok. Today I spent 90 minutes on Skype with him. He is very upset and also angry. I promised myself I would not cry but I broke my promise. I had a couple of texts from my daughter and I answered them just as normal but I know when she sees me she will know something is wrong. Thank you Oliver whomsoever you are for being there. I would like to talk to someone from lgbgt regarding this, can you help me.

supportneeded, I'm living the same situation as your daughter. My boyfriend discover that he is a transgender and wants to do the transition. At the first moment I was very shocked, but then I realise that I love her from what she is. I took like 3 very confused days.
My mom wasnt supportive and is making my life a living hell. And thats made things even more complicated, coz I'm not having support from anybody. So be supportive to your daughter. Its very important.
I think Its very good of you to go find information about it, trying to calm her brother, I admire you, and I desire that my mom was like these.
If you need anything I'm always here.

Lucy, I am most dreadfully sorry to hear of your situation. I am trying to be supportive to my daughter but she just screams and shouts at me instead. I am trying to be fair to both of my children but she has decided that I am defending him. She texted me this morning to say she had blocked her brother everywhere, phone, Facebook etc. I rang her to ask why and she said it was due to some texts he had sent. She had texted him to tell him that it was polite to wish her congratulations. He had texted back to say that it was polite to do other things such as ask Mum for her hand in marriage. He is a traditionalist. I tried to explain things to her a bit about how he felt in reaction to it. She was screaming, "It's not about him, it's about ME!" She carried on screaming and shouting at me for a good 15 minutes then said she was going to hang up. Later she sent me a text saying she would talk in a few days to me when her pain had eased. So when you say that you admire me, I would beg you to think again. I have obviously failed miserably

OP, I think that what you're doing - trying to find ways to moderate things between your son and daughter, willingly looking for resources to understand and come to terms with a trans family member-to-be - is nowhere near what one would call 'failure'. You are doing far, far more than my parents have even bothered to do since I came out as trans (female to male/'ftm') to them over a year ago. I think your daughter does sincerely love you, and that putting a couple days of distance between herself and you is a healthier reaction than just not calling or texting you again. Take a deep breath, and take time to take care of yourself. You may have to tell your son that you're taking some time for yourself, and that you need a day or two without calls. As you describe him as a traditionalist, I'm sure it's going to take him a while to come to terms with this entire situation; unfortunately, there is also a chance that he might not. But you need to take care of yourself as well. Your children are grown adults, and ought to be able to handle themselves for the day or two you take off to care just for you. I'm glad you got out and about for a while! It may not have ended as you anticipated, but you definitely shouldn't feel guilty for finding some enjoyment for yourself, dear!

As for contacts, I highly recommend taking a stroll through google to see if your city/town has a local PFLAG (Parents, Family and Friends of Lesbians and Gays - though they are also inclusive of trans and questioning individuals and their families) chapter. From my own experience, PFLAG groups usually meet once or twice a month at a specified location, and they are completely accepting of family members/friends or loved ones of people who are gay, lesbian, trans etc. You'll be surprised to see just how many parents or relatives of an LGBT+ person attend these meetings with so many questions, and how many of those questions can be answered by other members of the group. And there is so much love and support in PFLAG, too.

You might be interested in taking a gander on Youtube as well. Gigi Gorgeous is a very popular transgender woman you may be interested in looking up, and there are countless other mtf (male to female) youtubers to discover as well. Recently, youtube has been listing LGBT+ community member profiles as age-restricted (unjustly, but that's an issue I won't get into at the moment), so you may need to adjust your settings on the site to turn off Restricted Mode to view some of these videos.

I don't personally have connections to any mtf trans individuals, but if you look around this support group, I'm sure there are many ladies who would be able to assist you. I hope this response gave you a few resources you can make use of, and I'm sending good vibes your way. =)

- Oliver

Oliver
You are such a superstar. I feel lucky to have "met" you. Which country do you live in? It sounds to me like you had (or are having) family problems yourself. I will help you as much as I can. You need to know that it is ok to be who you are. I am a pagan and believe that you should follow your own path. I would ask you if it is ok to send you blessings as I would never want to cause offence to your beliefs. As regards my situation, well my daughter has chosen a bridesmaid, I found out via FB. Have kept my silence although it is difficult and my heart hurts that I had to find out that way. I always envisaged being part of her arrangements. I don't think that is going to be the case. I don't want to talk at the moment to her or my son as I am sure that I would not be able to keep my calm and I may well cry which would either annoy my son or cause my daughter to scream at me.

With much fortune, I live in Canada. The healthcare provisions for trans individuals in my particular neck of the woods is pretty darn decent, thankfully, so I'm lucky to have come out as trans where I am. It is true that I have some family since coming out and beginning to transition: mostly unsupportive parents and siblings creating an estranged relationship, but I'm fortunate enough to have found a good therapist who helps me work through the issues I have. I'm thankful for you wish to send blessings my way! Positive intentions are always welcome. =)

I apologise for being absent for a few days; work, life, etc. etc. Fun stuff. How are you managing, OP? I'll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts and well wishes.

- Oliver

So, I am in your daughters situation, except I am 30 and have been married for three years (together for eight). My husband just let me know within the last week that he wants to explore the possibiloty of transitioning. To be honest, I do not know what the future holds for us. We have the present, and I can't imagine being anything but supportive and by his side through the process. Will we still have a romantic relationship once he transitions? I do not know. I do know that he will not start liking men, as sexuality and gender are not one in the same. I know your daughter needs your support, so please be open-minded... which it seems like you are just by being here and posting for advice!

-K

Hello Oceanside
It is nice to meet you. I am so open minded as regards people who want to transition. I cannot begin to imagine how awful it must be to feel that you were born the wrong sex. My daughter's boyfriend's family have disowned him now but I still give him my support. I spoke to a helper on LGBGT and they said that it is unpredictable whether the hormones will change his desires. Some do, some don't. It is not of their choosing, just as they did not choose to be born the wrong sex. I have no doubt that he will always love her but maybe the status of that love may change, who knows? Yes, I know that "ordinary" marriages can end in divorce but the odds seem higher with this one.
Now I find that, despite my open and vocal support for him, my daughter is avoiding me. We used to talk practically every day. That is now reduced to the occasional text. I have tried to invite them for a meal. So many excuses which are obviously just made up. I tried asking them for coffee instead, to be met with excuses again. I have done everything within my power to be as supportive as I can be but I will now bow gracefully out of this. What else can a mother do? I have sacrificed so much to make sure my children had what they needed. They never knew about this. Now it is time to make the final sacrifice and wait for her to get in touch with me as so much rejection is not good for my spirit.
Sorry if this is a downer for people but I feel very very low and very troubled.