okay so first, the "pills" you got aren't safe period. You need to not do that. Estrogen being the least powerful of the sex hormones will be overridden by testosterone and your body is just going to produce more to keep your levels up, so unless you are trying to hyper-masculinize your body, not good. It also increases risks of blood clots which can kill you. Taking the wrong dosage of those meds can cause serious medical issues that are going to be far worse than anything else and just add to the cost. Lastly a lot of therapists and medical doctors won't go near prescribing you the meds because you've shown irresponsibility with them in the past. Lastly... you don't have a diagnosis.... Without said diagnosis you may be doing the COMPLETELY wrong thing. Now onto to the rest of this. How does anything your mom did stop you from holding a job? Keeping a job is about motivation and determination. The ability to get up every morning, get to work and do your job. Now getting a job, there are ways that could be impaired, but keeping it once you have one is all you. if you have issues there, this is all the more reason to see a therapist to help you deal with whatever went on. If you just want to wear women's clothing wear underwear and go with that for now assuming you do your own laundry. I mean your living situation is not really defined here, but in the end at this point you are risking your livelihood by taking those meds and all. You need to focus on getting out from under your parents so you can live your life, at that point you have to decide if they are worth your happiness. First and foremost, you need to get to a therapist, get through some things and get your diagnosis. Then you need to get and hold a job so that you can get out from under them. Then you are free to do as you want. that's the only advice I can really give without way more info. You do need to stop self medicating though.... the risks are not worth it.

As wyndwytch said self medicating is always bad. But as far as having a job she hit the nail on the head. No matter what has happened to you ever hold the job is totally you sister. I was reading on Facebook the other day and came across a quote "Trans is trans no matter how far you take it. If you never come out to anyone ever you are still trans cause thats the way you feel in your heart of hearts." But i would say the first two things you would need to do is talk to a therapist and try to get a job so you can try and live on your own. Stay strong sister hugs :)

I didnt know I got something called swanson glandular stuff. I read a bunch of reviews saying it worked really good....As for a therapist that isnt really an option right now I dont have that kind of money. You are right about the job part its just hard is all. I dont mean to sound whiny or anything. Alot of my problems does stem from my mom, and my stepdad. My mom refused to even help me with my fafsa so i could get into a culinary college. I want to move out really bad, and I hope I can get a job sooner or later....Ill stop the pills I got for now. I just thought I could start changing without anyone knowing....I feel stupid...

Hi SerenaStrife, it's probably good you're stopping with the internet hormones as yes they could be dangerous, I'm also very sorry you can't access therapy right now,
but you are absolutely not being whiney, stupid or using your situation as an excess,
No One chooses to be abused. No One chooses to be neglected by the person they should be able to count on for help. No One chooses to suffer depression or trauma, and more to the point there cisgendered people who have the full support emotional and financial of good and loving families around them who can't find jobs right now, or get to and through post secondary education.
I wish I had some perfect advise to give you that would help you solve the practical side of your difficulties right now, I really and truly do, but don't let people who haven't had to endure anything of the kind make you be even further down on yourself psychologically.
One thing that helped me a little bit with processing my emotional trauma was a (paper) journal, just write and write and write as it comes, don't re-read it until you're absolutely ready, and
(most importantly) HIDE it really well, because if your mom or step dad finds it they'll read it.
All my Good Wishes and Hope for your Well Being.

I don't know what kind of insurance you have but call them. I know most of the state insurances cover mental health at 100%. At the very least they can treat you for any issues you have associated with your parents. You wont know unless you call them and ask. You don't need to feel stupid about the hormone thing, lots of people go your route usually without research prior and don't realize how dangerous it can be. The stuff you are talking about is basically an offshoot of standard medical Estrodial which yes does work, if testosterone levels are low or already suppressed. It is not the same as estrodial as that would require a prescription so its a stunted dosage and not quite the same methodology for extraction. Generally that kind is used by people who think pills are bad and want to go the "natural route" even though estrodial is the natural route as it is bioidentical. There are options for you if you choose to look into them. You have another 2 years before you can start college, at 24/25 you don't need parents info anymore, so you can go to school then. as for the meds.. the changes would be likely very obvious at your age around 6-10 months in. You wouldn't be able to hide any of it anymore. So in the end being that you are trying to do this stealth you really need to wait until you are on your own because its gonna show. I was 32 when I started hormones and after about 10 months it was hard to hide my boobs. granted I am overweight so I just would say its because I am fat :P which worked for a while until I was ready to come out. now I have slimmed down some and they are still obvious so yeah... it shows.