Transgender Support Group

This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.

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wallflowerchild 12/17/2016

My name is Cameron. I really like my name because it's a boys and a girls name. Also it spells romance if you jumble it about.

I am a person that was born a male, but strongly wishes to be female. My earliest thought along these lines happened while I was lying in my bed at four years old and was thinking about myself or something and I remember wishing I could be changed into a girl. But at the time, even at that age, I thought it was impossible and that it would always just be a wish and so it was for birthday after birthday. I didn't ever think It was going to come true; of course not, wishes don't come true.

Now, I've never shown to be gay, or act feminine ever. But for some reason deep down I have this feeling I should've always been a girl. It's so very hard to admit that to the people that know you well, like your parents and your siblings. In my case I have 3 siblings, two brothers and a sister. I'm number 2/4. I've always felt displaced, like I never had anything to contribute because I didn't know who or what I was. I still don't and that's what I'm getting to.

When I reached high school , I met my love. She was and is the most beautiful creature I've ever laid eyes on. I pursued her and we fell in love. We dated happily throughout high school, but I didn't have a car to get around up in NH, where we both lived at the time, so I moved back down to RI to live with my friend and take the bus to school and work. I feel Like I experimented there with girls clothes. Another one of my friends, when she came to visit, she left some of her clothes so I wore them sometimes. And I got clothes from other people too. After I finished a semester or two, I moved in with my dad and I went to school some more, not working this time because I moved and it was hard to get a job. Anyway, I was about 19 or 20 around then and I started actually growing out my hair and wearing girls shirts and skinny jeans every day and trying to work on my female mannerisms, not my voice, that was scary and hard and hard because it was scary. I met another person like me there who ended up transitioning out of the blue and it really inspired me. Oh yeah, I broke up with my gf shortly after moving in with my dad because of my gender issues. I basically told her we could never be together because I'm like this. After trying for about a year, a little more, no gender therapy or HRT, just my will to be a girl, my gfs new bf actually died and she was all shaken up. Our texts ,even after we broke up and she started dating again, never changed from the lovey tone a normal couple has so to me it never felt like we broke up, even though I did my own thing and she did hers. I ended up telling her I would put all of it aside and be her man again. And I did. For two years.

But now the feelings are back and I'm starting to feel like I can't ignore them anymore. The thing is, it's destroying her. We talked a lot a lot about a future with kids a house and a dog and you know, the dream. And she's built a lot of her life expectations off of the illustrations we put together for ourselves. I really want to be there for her, because I love her and I do want the life we talked about to a degree. But there is this whole other side to myself begging to be set free and I want it badly, more than anything. But I feel it's not possible a lot of the time. I have a deep voice, I'm 6'4", I'm not really girly, I like girls, my feet are fucking huge, my nose is huge. I don't want to be a freak, I want to be a girl! Ugh. Please help.

- Cameron

BAELEAF_JOURNIE 12/20/2016

I can relate the same

WyndWytch 12/23/2016

take this for what its worth. The whole transition thing doesn't have to stand in the way of the whole white picket fence dream thing. Right now you can have kids, you can have the dog, if simply shifting your dress and behavior to a more androgynous side works, do it, if you two can work together and she can let you dress at home as a woman from time to time great, fact is it can be worked around and doesn't have to effect anything. The ONLY point that it can or has to interfere is if you got on HRT, at that point it will sterilize you which means you either freeze some swimmers to have those kids later, or you deal with having the kids before. It will be between you and her to work out on that front, but you (and probably baeleaf there) have a couple things to remember. Transition is not set in stone and it is a VERY slow process. I Have been at it for almost 8 years now, some can do it in 1 year which is the ABSOLUTE minimum and usually at that speed there are a massive amount of interpersonal issues. Think of it as you are trying to get into a clear pool. The more waves you make the harder it is to get into easily. How would you enter, slowly and calmly. You will have to get a diagnosis from a therapist first PERIOD, then you need to go through HRT (most insurances wont pay for anything stamped Gender Identity or Dysphoria), you have to complete the real life test which is 1 year living your entire life as the gender you are changing to (this means coming out to everyone, changing your name and gender markers, your attire, your voice, everything) and then you can get the first of the two required letters for your Gender afFrimation surgery, then its back to another therapist for the second letter. then if you can afford the cost of the surgery, scheduling it and getting it done, then the year of healing time associated with such an extensive operation, THEN you will be done. Again this is NOT a fast process. In the here and now... talk to her, if she is cool with how you are (sounds like she is, she just wants to be with you) then you can do some cross dress to help ease the dysphoria. That may be all you need, just a bit of time where you are a girl. Transition is not a beginning to end, its a path, and some just need to be able to dress, some need to get to hormones, some need to go all the way, you can go as far as you are comfortable and stop at any time. You just need to ease the tension and see where you go from there. Start with her, then see a therapist and at least get it diagnosed.

ThatTranskid 12/23/2016

Not like hearing from someone 15 years old and has only just admitted being transgender to myself never mind my family will make u feel any better, but i can feel your pain, I never acted gay or girly around people, i kept that bit for when i was alone, we are the same in that sense. my advice is think about the end product, would you be happier in a family, or as a girl.

HappyJenn 12/28/2016

Aloha Cameron, I'm Jenn (MTF about to begin hormones likely, age 50!)

What you share touched me for it's authenticity and love felt for your gf. I had a gf for 5 years, and fiancee'd her for 5 days, before we just knew we'd need to be friends, and we are soul friends to this day. She loves me and I her, but it doesn't look like the white picket fence dream either. I don't know where knowing her is going to lead, we just know in our hearts we are very special to each other and love each other beyond typical societal old-school relationships. I think Cam, we're all on the cutting edge of bringing forth new ways of relating on this planet, and we may just not know how it's all supposed to look, because it's so new. Like give this 50 years, and people will look back at this time like it was the beginning of leaving from the dark ages into the Renissance.

All I can advise, is stay in your loving, your honesty with yourself and your wonderful gf, about who you are, and your feelings for her too, and with that, great authenticity and integrity builds inside your character, and neat things happen, some of which we'd never have expected had we chosen to hide.

Best wishes,
Aloha,
Jenn

confusedaf 01/02/2017

Also do you consider you as a male the real you. When I'm on my feminine days I'll look back on my masculine days and think that wasn't me and the same the other way round. They are like two different people almost. And if it isn't the real you surely you'd be happier finding someone else you love with all your heart that loves the real you. Cause wouldn't you feel for comfortable around them.

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