Transgender Support Group

This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.

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riley911 06/05/2018

I need help. I am married to my husband for 28 years who wants to be a woman. We have two grown kids. Over the last five years I have began to feel like he is focusing on his female side more than me. Feel like I am second best in his life. We no longer have sex and he doesn't like me seeing him naked. I started to feel neglected emotional and started talking with a man online only for the emotional support I need from my husband. When I told him about it he was like how dare I blame this on him. He started to put me through emotional and financial abuse. Making beg for money and felt like the outsider in my house. So I decided to leave for awhile to try to find myself again. I still love him. We have been separated for 2 years he never once reached out to me. I tried to on special days but got ignored. A week ago we saw each other for the first time in two years. I realized that I was still very much in love with him and want to come home. His response to me was this "Towards the end (I would say the last 5 years we were together), our relationship was toxic. We had no respect for each other. That was a pretty dark time for me. When you left, I think I fell into a depression. It took me a year to overcome that. I think I'm finally in a happy place now. I just don't think that re-establishing our relationship would be a good thing. For either of us. I think that we both really try to be good people. And that's awesome. But I don't think we can be good for each other. That sucks to say that, and even as I typed that, it made me sad. I have forgiven you as well. I really have. And I want to see you happy. You must believe that. I just don't think we will ever be happy with each other. To much darkness in our recent history. And just not a darkness I ever want to revisit. It really hurts just to think about it." So now he has taken up exercise and he has never wanted to do anything social. I have recently seen him and realized I am still in love with him and want to come home. It appears that he is more interested in hanging out with these exercise friends than to talk to me. He ignore most of my messages and if he does respond it only brief. What can I do? Please help. I am so depressed and don't want to lose him. I want to try to fix things but he doesn't think it's possible

Lessa 06/05/2018

First you are a wonderful woman to be as understanding as possible your husband will still have the same soul that you fell in love with....stay with him and live as girlfriends he might be a better woman than he was as a man....i can relate I am hoping my wife understands as I live my true life as a woman....you are so kind and understanding!

drippytrans 06/05/2018

ur husband needs to understand that you are ok with him and if he doesnt maybe give it more time

best wishes

Alex the FTM

riley911 06/07/2018

Lessa thank you for the kind words. All I can tell you is be honest with your wife and don't hide things from her. Always communicate with her about how you are feeling. Always make her feel like she is number one and don't lose focus of that. If you start to focus more on your woman side more than her she may become jealous or not feel worthy. And that is when things start to go bad. I know I used to go shopping with my husband for clothes. In fact, he used to like me to pick out things from him. Once he started to hide himself after a shower when we used to have sex in the shower together started to affect myself esteem. I just don't know how to tell the husband I still want him and need him back. We have been separated for two years. I need him back but he is not even trying to contact me even though we are still married. It hurts so much. I am so frustrated. I feel like I am the only one trying to make it work and that's how I started to feel 2nd best in his life. Any suggestions? My heart is crying and is so much pain. Our 28th anniversary is at the end of this month.

23YRSGone 06/07/2018

My husband of 23 years recently told me he wants to be a woman. He said he has always felt this way as long as he can remember. What do I do now? I feel so deceived and angry. I miss my man. I miss the intimacy. I wish he would have told me before our lives were so intertwined and our dreams were the same.

riley911 06/07/2018

I understand how you feel. I felt the same way when I first found out about my husband. I am kinda in the same position as you. I miss the intimacy we used to have. I think for some reason he feels ashamed of himself/his body when around me. He hides himself after taking a shower which is hard to process in my head when we used to have sex in the shower together. I am not am not ashamed of him at all and try to be very supportive. We used to shop together to spend quality time together. Then he became more secretive about things and stopped communication to me so that I could feel as important. All I want is to feel special and loved too. I need him back woman or not. He still has the same soul I fell in love with and still in love with. But he doesn't realize that I am still supportive of him. I don't know if his needs have changed or not. All I can say from my experience is the key to everything is communication all the time. Let him know you will be supportive.

riley911 06/07/2018

I don't think my husband realize how much I have tried to do for him over the years by protecting him from people who didn't know. The hardest part was keeping it from our children and now are kinda distance towards me because of it. I think because they don't understand. We really need to o to counseling together but he won't go with me. I thought going to counseling would teach us how to better communicate with each other and how to keep each other's self-esteem intact. I feel so depressed being away from him and he doesn't seem to care. Crying

TotalRegret 06/07/2018

There's a forum for 'Spouses of Transgender' that may be a better place for you to post, where others are in a similar situation, giving each other support. TR

angela1965 06/15/2018

it bloody hurts,i feel your hurt xx

AnnieToman 06/19/2018

wow ladies,, understand you all quite well. the trouble was you feel cheated, and rejected them instead of supporting them., not the thing a person with sexual dysphoria wants to hear. I went thru the same thing with my lover, heard the same arguments and got the same results, the difference was we stayed together. she thought she was punishing me by with holding sex, no no, she was punishing her self more. eventually she relented and had to talk me into it. it was her own belief she wanted a man and women didn't tickle her fancy . but what she found out was i was a much better lover then i ever was. she told me she wasted 3 years trying to prove a point that was pointless. It wasnt long after that she died and left me at least we found each other again and became good friends again as well as lovers.
Annie

AnnieToman 06/19/2018

wow , i'm totally amazed by what i see, didnt think this problem was that wide spread, you actually want to save your husbands?
you wont save the person you thought you married. but actually you are, the person you know is still there , it just that he was always a she, and you didnt know that. i cant see how you feel your cheated if the person is still there with you . the real problem is your perception on what you consider to be your mate. did you fall in love with the person? or were you only trying to find a man? Since i hear how you still want them i take it that its the person you love. So its really a fruitless argument battling with HER, you seen the results here what can happen if you do. he/she is now at the point where they needed to tell you what was really on their minds, the courage it takes to do this is beyond your understanding. if you knew you wouldn't be fighting her. there is no shame involved here, why are you treating it as such? There is a reason for hiding their bodies from you. its your negative attitude towards them, people with m to f sexual dysphoria hate having body hair, they want to be a woman. so they shave their bodies and feel you wont like it so they hide it from you. i couldn't believe the grief i got when my lover found i shaved my chest hair off. oh god i thought our our love was over because of something silly like that.It was like a symbol of my manhood , after we would make love she would lay on my chest and play with my hair. i understood her attraction to this and felt very bad when i shaved it off. the Dysphoria is very strong, its more then a desire its a compulsion. You just cant stop your self from doing it. Its not mentally healthy at this point to feel shame in what your doing. you feel crazy enough with out it. This is the critical time in your relationship, she already made her mind up to do this, you can appose her or except her your choice, but you cant change her back, she already made her choice on that. So really you must at this point take a very close look at your true feelings about her. do i still love this person or do i move on? if you love her support her and you will will be together . if you don't move on and quit complaining

riley911 06/19/2018

So for me it was never I ashamed of my husband. For me it was him not communicating and not making me feel included in this process. I did start to as if I was second best. I have recently started to watch the tv series “lost in transition”. Since we are currently separated I emailed him explaining that he should watch the show too. I also explained to him that I was feeling the same as many of the couples were on the show. I did come to realization that I do still love the person and told her directly that I want to be with her. But not getting any response. Husband is currently living in Pasadena, CA which is huge place for transgender. He has been going to this gym and church in Pasadena. He has never done either and I am assuming that he is meeting transgender people there. He will not talk to me about his new friends and I am assuming it’s because they are transgender. I don’t care if they are or not. I just don’t know how to get through and get him to talk to me. I did text him saying this. I don’t understand why you are so afraid to talk with me and share things with me. I was and still am your biggest supporter. I know more than you think I do and I still want to be with you. I just get ignored and get no response. I don’t know what to do. I am getting frustrated trying to make things work together. On the 30th is our 28th anniversary and I have a gift being sent to her as a surprise. But at this point I don’t think even that will help make things better. It’s almost like he doesn’t believe that I am okay staying with her and that we can work things out. Crying!!!! The new friends appear to be more important than me. Crying

AnnieToman 06/23/2018

OMG ladies how could i have missed this issue? T his whole transgender thing is so misunderstood by the outside observers.Its no way your fault either. The true transgender is like my self . a 24/7 trans m to f female, my blood is like your blood, same hormones at the same levels you can say i changed my gender but not my sex if i did that i would be more of a transexual but nowdays the term is used less and transgender more. but the part your confused about is the crossdressers who claim to be transgenders , crossdressers are men who wear womans cloths at times in private most of them, some venture out on occasions to meet other dressers to them dressing is more of a fetish, a sexual rush, since their hormones are male they think and act like femmi males ,, dont have to tell you they think different then us , feel different then us and their sexual drive is different. guys are horny creatures by nature.its their hormones. so crossdressers are guys that sometimes wear girls cloths, and most dress like sluts and are bie-sexual one woman here mention something about a transgender church support group. Cant believe that is true, i dont know of any church that supports me.on the other hand i heard of some churches supporting GAYS thats a whole different story and explains things differently. a lot of gay men get married as well as lesbian woman and have children they later leave and pursue their sexual needs, some look like men, woman or both, some even become trans but not likely because loosing your testosterone will make you less sexual active sex that way with other guys isnt that enjoyable to most ok thats what i know, most crossdressers love woman and would love to have their woman to. but the gay ones dont like women sexually.

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