kk I typed a whole thing and DS deleted it.... Offing yourself is not an answer, you are just confirming to them you aren't strong enough to make it through transition. Not a path you want to take. Transition isn't about them nor their or anyone elses acceptance its about your acceptance of you. You need to realize that. in this case you are the only one making you feel bad. Refuse to wear the makeup let her get pissed. honestly what can she do.... not take you along. big deal. She cant DO anything. Any physical contact is illegal and will cause her a world class nightmare, trying to force you is as successful as you let it be. My advice to you is to stop worrying about them. let them get as mad as they want, they do something physical turn them in. let them sweat it not you. Be comfortable in who you are (the outside is not that important) and focus on school and getting to a place where you make a good living and then tell them to go shove off. take them for all you can and let them see later just what their ignorance has caused. the loss of their child being willing to deal with them. You off yourself it hurts a while but people move on, you being alive and not willing to talk to them is a reminder for life of what they did. they will spend a lifetime trying to make it up and fail. that is a hard pill to swallow.

Hi friend,
I once was in your space. My mom used to leave me home if I didnt fit her "appearance" approval. It made my self esteem pretty dull. I'm sorry you are experiencing such trauma, but this will make you stronger in the future. You have to be you, no matter what ANYONE says. Even if you faked it to please your mom, it will eat you alive and you will ultimately go back to your own ways.

Lets talk a little bit more about your gender. What does being FTM to you feel like? Have you talked to anyone about this? How long have you felt connected to this identity?

Having to hide who you truly are is really the worst thing ever, but unfortunately to stay safe you have to. Eventually you'll move out and be away from your unsupportive parents, then they'll have no control over you anymore. You can live the life you're meant to. You just need to hang on long enough to make it there. It's really hard, but in the end everything will turn out alright. Sending my best wishes to you!