Warning: I'm sorry, this is a veery long paragraph. 

Ever since I was 8, I had a vague idea that I was different from the other kids. I was often the only girl in my friend group. I avoided the other girls because their games were boring. I have an early memory of myself wearing a boy's shirt (I know the exact design- black and green horizontal stripes) and that was the best day of my life. I had no male siblings, so I had no opportunity to crossdress. At puberty, I began having fantasies of becoming a guy (it became the one thing I searched the internet for most, and I kept it well hidden from my mom). I also began wearing baggy clothing, thinking my chest was too big. It could be 108 degrees outside, and I would still be wearing a jacket) Later, I began looking at boys- not just because of attraction, but I wanted to be them. I felt drawn to every aspect of how they looked- their flat chests, the way they wore their hair, their clothing style, I did my best to recreate it. Later on I found a video of a girl using makeup to look like a boy and I loved it. That's when crossdressing started ( but I was disappointed because when I did, all I saw was a girl trying to look like a boy). As the year went on, it got worse. I tried not to look at my chest because I would get disgusted to the point of nausea. I had a breakdown at least once a month because of it. I soon avoided mirrors- how I felt I should look didn't match what I saw.