Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
I'm a 20-year-old trans woman living in rural West Virginia and I just feel completely trapped here. My dad would never be accepting of me if he ever found out that I'm trans. I have no vehicle, I work a minimum wage job with few hours, and I'm going to the local community college in an attempt to rectify my past mistakes and get a proper education after graduating with a 1.28 GPA in high school due to being such a lazy shit. So I can't just uproot and just go somewhere else with little money for a down payment for an apartment, no way to get there, and I don't want to drop out of school when I'm just starting to fix things (Finished this semester with a 4.0 GPA!). So I can't be safe if things go sour if he finds out.
I never have any privacy at home. I don't even have a bedroom. We were the only ones who would take care of my grandpa after my grandma died, but running two homes was too expensive so we had to move in with him. There's a distinct lack of space, so my bed is just in the corner of the living room.
My dad almost polices my body. For example, body hair is one of my biggest dysphoria triggers. I hate it so much that I've actually had a dream about using an epilator to remove it. Even before I realized that I'm trans, I shaved my abdomen and my dad threw a fit because of it. Another time, I painted my nails and my dad outright asked if I was gay or if I wanted to be a girl. Being in denial/hadn't realized at the time, I said no. He's always complaining about my long hair, constantly saying that I need a haircut.
So long story short, I'm forced to wait in this living hell as I watch my body become more and more masculine. Bone structure becomes extremely masculine in the last few years of puberty, which I am fast approaching. I'm absolutely terrified of going bald before I can get access to HRT because I already have a couple thin spots in my hair. Not to mention having to hide secrets eats away at your soul. I'm not out to anyone except for a few online friends who may as well be on another planet. And being in the middle of nowhere, there aren't any LGBT resources around here so I have basically no support. And I'm going to be stuck here for at least two years, if not six, due to school. Two for general education at the community college to make up my shitty high school GPA, and four when I go to a university to major in computer science.
I feel like there's just nothing I can do but wait, but that doesn't feel like an option due to the ticking timebomb of transition. Yes, I know you can transition at any age, but results are undeniably better the younger you start.
When I was 20 years old I discovered I was pregnant. No one in my family would have accepted this. I left and this is how I did it. I took a student loan and instead of going to college, I got on a greyhound and moved to DC. (It took me a bit but I payed off the loan.)
I stayed at low end motel and didn't talk to any of skeevie people I met there. They all smelled of alcohol and desperation. Even though they were all offering to do something helpful, I was smart enough to know there was no such thing as a free lunch, and help from those kinds of people always comes at a price.
I immediately went to several temporary agencies. Since I had prepared well by working up a resume and buying some good quality resume paper, all I had to was change up the address and print them out. I made sure that I had decent clothing to interview in and a working wardrobe months before I left. I was not picky about what kind of job I got, I just took anything with the eye to finding a better fit as time wore on. I ended up working for USA Today answering their 800 compliant line. If I hadn't been pregnant I could have worked at a bar or someplace with cool music instead of elevator music. Anyways, I only took me a few days to find something. These days you could front load the situation by linking up with temporary agencies, applying for a zillion local jobs and even lining up interviews ahead of time. Apply for everything, particularly full time jobs with benefits, no matter the pay if you really want to transition. Consider getting a couple of jobs in the beginning. You will all alone, with nothing to do and missing your old life. Better to stay busy and productive. I picked up a job at McDonalds for few months. By the time my child was born I had saved between 3-4 thousand dollars.
I skated around on line and found room to rent with 3 other women (nurses) in fairfax, VA. It was on the bus line and we all shared expenses on a huge 4 bedroom house. Two upstairs with a bath and two downstairs with a bath. It was in a nice neighborhood and fit for me being a single woman of little means. It sounds like it would be cramped, but we were young and gone most of the time. I remember feeling like I had the place to myself most of the time.
I used public transportation the entire time. The subway in that area was fast, efficient and designed as mass transit for the business class getting from the suburbs to the city, which meant it was clean, safe and inexpensive. I lived there for almost a year and never even wanted an automobile.
I'm telling you all this so you will know that you can do any damn thing you want in this world. Today relocating to an area with public transportation really does open you up to whole new worlds for very little cash. Lots of major cities have a well developed public transportation system and the employment outlook it better than in WV. It was hard for me to understand why WV remained so far behind when it came to certain things. I never went back, cause there was nothing there for me. I still miss the mountains occasionally, but I get buy and am much happier than I ever was there.
The deal is, you have to have your antennas up, avoid anything that smells like danger, and use good judgement. Don't fall in with people who are using or people who promise you things for free. Keep a couple of thousand dollars in reserve at all times. This is the hardest advice for people to get their head around. If you fail in having a cash reserve in the bank, you run the risk of becoming homeless if you lose your job. Slowly put 50 bucks a payday into savings and literally pretend it's not there. Find things to do that don't cost a lot. Hang out at a coffee shop with your laptop. Spend time on Susan's. Slowly find and make real friends your own age with things in common. Larger cities have an abundance of resources for trans people.
Just use the good work ethic you were taught to get transitioned and then the people in your life will have to either accept it or not. You can do anything you want.