Hi Tae, my name’s Ez and I just wanted to say you’re not alone. I’m a 27 year old ftm in a long term relationship with a straight man. I didn’t know I was trans when our relationship started, and although he’s been mainly supportive since I came out to him, he’s made it clear he couldn’t stay with me if I transitioned. We don’t yet have children but want to start a family. In an ideal world I guess I’d like to have kids then decide whether to transition or not, but I somehow feel like that’d be letting him down because he can’t change his sexuality, even though I know that’s probably being a bit harsh on myself because I can’t change my gender identity either! Anyway, I don’t have any answers for you but thought it was important to tell you that there are plenty of us in these lonely situations together. There’s probably been thousands of people throughout history like us, and they may not have ever heard of being trans or known during their lifetime why they felt so awkward and different at times. And thanks to the magic of the internet, from the middle of nowhere Midwest your message can be heard by me in Melbourne, Australia. Take care and I hope this helped in some way.

So firstly define what it means to be a man. I have been around the site for years and everyone seems to associate being a man or a woman to appearances and that has little to absolutely NOTHING to do with being man or a woman. Knowing and being perfectly fine with who and what you are is. You don't need HRT, Surgeries or any of that unless you can be fine with being you. You can have all those things and you will still feel like carp because you cant accept yourself. So what you need to do is find a therapist that can help you with that part. Transition is whatever you want it to be. You can stay the spouse and never transition aside from like cutting your hair short and never wearing makeup and wearing men's clothes. Really don't matter how conservative an area you live in, women in this country do it all the time. It's not a thing to people outwardly. No one will have a clue unless you tell them you are trans, you don't get a stamp on the forehead to tell them. You need to get comfortable with who and what you are, if you don't do that then there is absolutely nothing that is going to make you feel better about it. Don't worry about your family or the community, get to where you are okay with who you are, dress how you want, act how you want, I am sure your husband wont mind you being the more dominant in some ways from time to time, figure out what it really means to be a man. Find a therapist to help you with that and then as a couple decide how to move forward. If you want to move farther than your husband is willing then you can address that when the time comes to it, for now you need to be okay with you.